How could I have choosen to be gay if I wish I was straight?

Question

I am a gay teen and I hate it. I wish that I was a straight guy. I want to like girls but there is nothing there. I had a girlfriend but I felt no attraction at all. In fact she broke up with me yesturday because we dont communicate enough. I want to be attracted to girls so bad. I have crushs on two of my male friends but I wish I didn't. (I'm in the closet, btw.) How could I have choosen this?

The "Gamecocks" is not a sexual or gay thing. They are are football team in South Carolina.

Answer 1

You did NOT choose to be gay, it is just one aspect of who you are. What you CAN choose is how you will accept it.

You can lie to yourself and others and pretend to be straight, marry a girl, & have some kids; if you do you will make yourself miserable and will most likely accept your sexual attraction at a later age which will make your wife and children resent you because they will have felt that they were lied to. (example: Ted Haggard).

You can be true to yourself but lie to others by leading a closeted life, and in this case you will lead a life of fear by being afraid that someone else will find out your "secret".
(example: Mark Foley).

You can also accept yourself for who you are and let those you are close to eventually know when the time is right.
(example: Lance Bass, Neil Patrick Harris)

Right now you are questioning things because of breaking up with your girlfriend; since you say you want to be attracted to girls but aren't it just means that you like guys more than girls and, no matter what anyone else says, there is nothing wrong with that. The reason that you hate being gay is because other people who aren't gay have told you that it is not good, but since they are not gay they don't know anything about it. Just because you are coming to the realization that you are gay doesn't make you that much of a different person than you were before, it's just another part of who you are. Just as left handed people didn't choose to be left handed, gay people didn't choose to be gay.

I'll give you a bunch of links for you to check out. The first one is for a group called PFLAG that can help you and others know some facts about being gay, and all the others are some scientific studies that show that being gay is NOT a choice.

Answer 2

You're right, you didn't choose to be gay and I know how you feel. I am gay to and during junior high, high school, and even the beginning of college, I wished I was straight too. It really hit home when I entered college and realized that I could never have a child of my own (well, technically I could, but I would be lying to my spouse and myself). I'm now in my second year of college and I have finally accepted it. I am getting sooo sick of these idiots that still think being gay is a choice! What are they thinking? Did they choose to be straight? I have read a great deal about homosexuality and scientists are finding more information proving that it is biological, and not a choice. I'm almost positive that it has been proven to be an inherited trait. Regardless, I know for a fact that I did not choose to be gay. I feel that anyone who still believes that homosexuality is wrong and that we didn't choose it is never going to accept it regardless of the scientific findings, because they are blinded by bigotry. They don't have the ability to listen to reason. You just accept yourself for who you are. It took me a while (now 20). I hadn't accepted myself when I was your age, but I can tell you it is possible. Ignore the negative people out there. They have no idea what they are talking about. We're right, they need to get used to it.

Answer 3

Nobody knows what causes men to like other men. For certain. Mostly it is unproven theories. The one that makes the most sense to me, is that a lot of gay men had an inordinate amount of estrogen, or the lack of testosterone in the womb. That's why they can find identical twins, where one is much more masculine, and the other much more feminine. So in a way, it's a birth defect. If a person was "made" that way by God, for example, I consider it a cruel joke, and a cruel God at that. I don't accept that explanation at all.

Answer 4

First, I want to say my heart goes out to you I couldn't imagine struggling with something like this. If you allow me, let take you into the world of the heterosexual mind. Many individuals struggle with their sexuality as you stated you do. Once upon a time when a person said he or she was gay he tried to hide it and didn't want anyone to know but because he or she had feminine ways it was almost impossible to hide. Today, however is different, its cool to be gay. People cheer enjoy two girls making out. (Madonna and Britney) I've known girls in high school that have kids by guys and then the next year there hair is cut off and they are claiming to be gay. There was no feeling of being born gay or even an attraction for someone of the same sex. There are many that say that they like both. Ya see we live in a world that says if it feels good than do it and this is scary for many heterosexual people. Resulting in people possibly doing all kinds of crazy things like marrying animals or children. The point is there are many people who are not struggling with there sexuality like you are and it is a chose for some. This is just PART of a reason why some people are not accepting of your lifestyle.

Answer 5

Did you really chose to be gay? As I keep on saying here, I never choose to be gay. I already felt different when I was 4 years old. It was only when I reached my teens that I realized I was gay since 4 years old. Can a 4 year old kid choose to be gay? I did not even know what was wrong or right. You must accept your being gay. If not it will depress you more. Accepting your being gay is not also easy. It doesn't mean you have to act "gay" since you are gay. You can go on with you current lifestyle, dress the way you usually do but relationshipwise things will change. I suggest you talk to a school counsellor but avoid those religious ones. If possible, open up to a trusted friend. Someone you can trust your life with. It is a burden that you should not bear yourself. You need to talk to a friend and share the real you. If you are true to yourself, you would also know who your true friends are.

Answer 6

Please do not hate yourself and do not try to be something that you are not. Poor choices will haunt you your entire life. If you are gay nothing you do will change that fact. You can choose to live a str8 life but you will be miserable. There are plenty of 30 and 40 somethings on here that will tell you the same thing. We tried, failed, wasted years and hurt people. Do not lie to yourself.

To Conscience Sister

Look at str8ness more as a disease or mental illness rather then as a choice. Have you ever been molested or have a history of sexual abuse? Did an older female family member or peer touch you in a sexual way when you were young? Did you accidentally watch str8 porn when you were younger?
Heterosexuality is NOT a natural thing and a person is not born str8 and no scientist can prove this either regardless to their theories. Something you came across when you were younger spun you in the wrong direction and even though you have tried to ignore those str8 feelings, its like an infectious disease that consumes you eventually. Unless the person makes a conscience choice to push those types of unproductive, unnatural thoughts out of their head, they will continue to be sexually attracted to the same sex. Sexual attraction is not automatic based on preference like some try to make people believe, it is based on images you have absorbed and accepted as good, not based on who you were at birth.

Answer 7

You have not chosen to be gay that is why you are so confused with answering this question you pose to yourself.

No one chooses their sexual identity no animal no human, we are born with genes and those genes dictate who we will be.

You need to stop listening to all the stupid people who are too shallow to even understand you are beautiful the way you were made.

I too was like you and did everything I could to be straight and everything I did was a lie and fake. Sure I got married twice and had two children, and for all you uneducated people because I fathered two children that is not a sign that I am or was straight.

Gay has nothing to do with sex, if so then better then half of society is gay due to the sexual acts they do in their bedrooms because they are doing the same acts as the gays but with a female. So it is not the sex.

It is about that emotional, spiritual, intimate connection that happens between two people and the need for love and connection from that person who happens to be your own gender.

I am sorry for your pain, which has been put there from the hateful and uneducated straight people, society, religious leaders, government and media.

We are just like african americans were years ago, do you realize at one time the hateful ones didnt even think blacks were human, never mind have emotions, intelligence, and every other trait they have always had.

You must give up your dream of changing yourself, I prayed for a pill that would turn me straight for more then 20 years! I tried to act straight, I married, I had children, I did everything and inspite of it all my true self my gay self won over and dictated who I am.

It was not until I was honest with myself and eventually honest with others and god that my life opened up and I saw all of the beauty life can bring.

You cannot choose to be straight just like a straight cannot choose to be gay. However you can choose to do the acts the straight people do just as they can choose to do our acts............but that is truly just acting and wearing a mask of lies in your life.

Go for help if you need it, there are plenty of therapists and groups all over that will help you understand and accept yourself.

Answer 8

it's not a choice.. it'st just who you are.. i personally believe sexual orientation occurs partly because of bioligical features and partly because of the way you were nurtured as a baby from ages 0-5.

sorry to hear that things did not work with this girl. don't give up completely yet. the fact that you dated her in the first place is a sign that you might be interested in both males and females.

try not to worry too much..

and wow, go gamecocks! they are one heck of an exciting football team to watch.. they are gonna pound houston in the bowl game later this weekend!

Answer 9

There is plenty of good advice here about self acceptance and learning to be who you are, so I wont try to improve on it.

However, I had to respond to one of the other answers in this thread which reccomended thinking of homosexuality as a "disease" or "mental disorder"

It is neither of these. Both the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association have concluded that homosexuality is not a disease nor a mental disorder and have concluded that "reparative therapy" as promoted by christian radicals is inneffective and harmful.

Answer 10

first, I would guess you were raised in family (or environment) that was very negative towards gays.
second, I wouldn't listen to the previous poster(s) that suggest it's a mental illness and a choice (and also that you must have been molested or any of those other so-called-but-completely-untrue reasons that ignorant bigots like to believe).
you can't change who you innately are, and you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you are not.
I suggest possibly getting counseling to help you understand/accept your feelings......and know that there is nothing "wrong" with being yourself!