We have been best of friends when we first met 22 years ago and lovers married for 19 years. We have 2 kids boy 18 and girl 15. I desperately want to reconcile but feel I am pushing her. I am alone now and very hurt. Our children feel this is stupid and we just need to get back together. She does not want that and when I ask she replies she does not know what she wants. There was no alcohol (abuse) involved or physical vilolence. I need that part of my life but since we have split I am so hurt I do not know what to say anymore. It is not who I have been married to. we have been apart physically for over 3 years but we have not tried to work on it. It has come out in me in repressed anger toward myself. I really can not use any jokes or female bashing ok. Just honest advice of how we can trust in a higher power and see that we get thru this. i do not know what the future holds. Any suggestions to help alleviate the depression? Thanks for your answers.
2006-12-27 14:27:12 · 16 answers · asked by bSquirrel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why are u blaming yourself for the problems, get some spiritual therapy, none of us knows our future, and we have to trust in god, he is the only thing that can get us through a bad time, we just trust by blind faith, we just know he is there to help us, even if we can't see him . yes i know how hurt u must be, not an easy thing to get over, just distance yourself from her, she does not know what she wants, if it's u or the other person. best to give her all the space she needs and it may be she will realize she still cares, but it could just as easily go the other way, whatever it is u have to accept it.good luck
2006-12-28 13:33:48 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm sorry you have no control over whether she wants to come home or not. She is the only one that can decide that. If you have a church you attend talk to your pastor. I do wonder why if there was no physical relationship for 3 years why you let it go on so long. There was obviously a problem there that was not addressed. Try to get your wife to go to counselling, either with a marriage counsellor or your pastor. Other than that for yourself there were some really good ideas from some of the other answers. Work out, do more with your kids, keep yourself busy. I will pray for you. Good luck.
2006-12-27 22:47:55 · answer #2 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In situations like this there is always an underlying issue that is not taken cared of. You need to find out what is truly making her not want to reconsile and work on that. It may sound easy but in actuality is easier said then done. Most females want us to read their mind and will drop subtle hints throught the relationship and hope that we get it. Well most guys aren't that brigth when it comes to dealing with females.
If you are at elast in talking mood, sit her down and try to truly listen to what she is saying and find out what is really bothering her. She may say things that you wil not like and that will probably hurt yout ego take it with a grain of salt, do not get defensive and see if you both can come to an understanding and work on the issues then from that point on be more attentive to what she is telling you verbably and body language. Good luck if she is a taurus as a zodiac sign dotn bother they are hard headed and when they set their mind you can not change it.
2006-12-27 22:36:57 · answer #3 · answered by Cyrinos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After being married that long, there has to still be some fire in the relationship somewhere. You need to find it. Do things that use to make her/you'll happy. Take her somewhere to be alone for a few days. Do some special things for her to let her know you still are very much
in love with her. Will she try counseling? If so, try that. Anything is worth a try after all that long.I hope thing work out for you. Good luck.
2006-12-27 22:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by Bobby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet she has been trying to work on the physical part but you haven't been listening... So why have you not been making love to your wife... how can a man not want to make love to his wife... I say when the physical part of the relationships is gone (unless it is due to medical reasons) well I think the marriage died three years ago... and you being a man and all where have you been getting your physical needs met... She has been probably getting her physical needs met by another person... I know I would be if my man wouldn't touch me... and I wouldn't have waited three years to tell my husband that it was over.... Why did the sex stop...
2006-12-27 22:40:44 · answer #5 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the other partner just does not want to be in the marriage anymore we are living in a world were it is so easy to fine someone else to comfort us, this is sad but true. You need to leave her alone if she truly loves you, and meant for both of you to be together God will bring her back. You need to keep yourself busy join a gym or get a hobby do something you always wanted to do when you were younger do not dwell on it this can drive you nuts. I heard someone once say dwelling on your problem is like sitting on a rocking chair going back, and forth, and going nowhere.
2006-12-27 22:44:10 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fight for your marriage, don't give up. I certainly don't know all the details, but I do know that if you want to reconcile you need to do whatever it takes to rekindle the spark that made you two fall in love in the first place. Women need affection more than anything. Shower her with it. Remind her of how much in love she is with you. 22 years is a long time of love and memories. Get creative, find a memory and bring it back to life for both of you. Do things you all have only talked about but never did. Prove to her she worth fighting for. Best of luck to you.
2006-12-27 22:36:50 · answer #7 · answered by Butterfly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to a counselor or a clergy person for counseling on this situation. If you have talked with her and really want things to work out start showing her that you are serious about making things right again.
Alot of times people just grow apart or get into a routine and start taking things for granted without even realizing it. Look at things that possibly you could do to improve things with her. Or if shed be willing to go to a counselor together.
If you show her that you really truelly want things to improve and really do love her and its not just words than if she loves you there is a chance if your both willing to work at it together. best wishes.
2006-12-27 22:46:19 · answer #8 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, it sounds like she is going through some things and she doesn't think you can handle it...it may be perfectly true that not even she knows what she wants...she could be just as confused as you are. Putting myself in that situation...I would try to show her that I am still her best friend, and will try to be there for her. Ask her out on dates and try a little romance...without seduction.
Show her the man she fell in love with...fall in love all over again...do not over analyze her or her motives...don't drown her in questions or demands...just let her know through your actions that you are still the one for her. I hope you find happiness.
2006-12-27 22:39:42 · answer #9 · answered by MARY L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not try to win her heart like you did 22 years ago...what worked then? See if you can do somethings to get your friendship back. Send her flowers, send her a card or email just saying hi and that you are thinking of her...ask her to the movies and lunch...good luck_
2006-12-27 22:34:08 · answer #10 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋