what can i do 2 become more open? please read?

Question

i have a great personality i like alot of things i m free-spirited i love dancing culture animals and aot of great qualities but people just think im that quiet nerdy kid who is boring i try expressing myself but i just get nervous and ddont know what to say and i embaress myself and go hide in a corner or something i just have no self-esteem and i cant speak up or anything im just afraid no one will ever know the real me what di i do?

Answer 1

How Do You Become More Assertive?

1. Develop a value and belief system, which allows you to assert yourself. In other words, give yourself permission to be angry, to say "No," to ask for help, and to make mistakes. Avoid using tag questions. ("It's really hot today, isn't it?"), disclaimers ("I may be wrong, but…"), and question statements ("won’t you close the door?") all lessen the perceived assertiveness of speech.

2. Resist giving into interruptions until you have completed your thoughts. (Instead, say - "Just a moment, I haven't finished.")

3. Stop self-limiting behaviors, such as smiling too much,
nodding too much, tilting your head, or dropping your eyes in
response to another person's gaze.

4. When saying "No," be decisive. Explain why you are refusing but don’t be overly apologetic.

5. Use "I want" or "I feel" statements. Acknowledge the other
person's situation or feelings followed by a statement in which
you stand up for your rights. E.g., "I know you're X, but I feel…"

6. Use "I" language (this is especially useful for expressing negative feelings.) "I" language helps you focus your anger constructively and to be clear about your own feelings. For example:

When you do (Behavior)
The effects are (Results)
I feel (Emotion)
Remember: Stick to the first person, and avoid "you are".
7. Maintain direct eye contact, keep your posture open and relaxed, be sure your facial expression agrees with the message, and keep a level, well-modulated tone of voice.

8. Listen and let people know you have heard what they said. Ask questions for clarification.

9. Practice! Enlist the aid of friends and family and ask for feedback. Tackle less anxiety-evoking situations first. Build up your assertiveness muscle. Don’t get discouraged if you behave non-assertively. Figure out where you went astray and how to improve your handling of the situation next time. Reward yourself each time you've pushed yourself to be assertive regardless of whether or not you get the desired
results.

Dr. Tillman also suggests using "successive approximation", a psychological term referring to trying to go part of the way toward a goal. "For example, if it is difficult to speak up, try saying just one assertive statement. When you have accomplished that, then the next opportunity, try saying two assertive statements, " She explains.

"Each practice opportunity is also an opportunity to feel good about yourself for speaking up and feeling good about yourself is a step toward building self esteem," Dr. Tillman concludes.

Answer 2

OK. It's always a bit tricky to answer important and personal questions without knowing the person. But I will give it a shot.

First off, from what I understand from your question the core problem is not being "more open" but rather what you wrote at the end "afraid no one will ever know the real me".

There is plenty of time, by the way, to figure this out. I know that we all feel very impatient about many challenges in our lives but often the impatience gets in the way of dealing with the struggles. So look around and notice the beauty around you...which includes you...and just know that in the big scheme of things all is well.
Also know that who you are, the "real" you that you want others to know...that deep true part of you is not going anywhere. It is your core and you can trust that it will be there for a very long time.
You say that you have "no self esteem" but...well...I don't believe ya. :) What is way more likely is you have "low" self-esteem or even you do not feel good enough about yourself to live the way you want to. If you really lacked any sense of dignity, self-respect, self-esteem you would not have written your question. You would not have cared enough about you or your life to take things seriously. So the glass is not totally full but it is most certainly not totally empty. Nope.
Now another thing to keep in mind is that you are dealing with a few different issues here. One is how you are feeling about yourself and about your friends, classmates, family...other people. So that is about your emotions. And then there is a question of how you act and relate to other people. Your behavior.
For 99% of the human beings on earth their strong feelings(rage, fear,sadness, envy,low sense of self-worth, feelings of shame...) those emotions control alot of what we do...of how we act and behave.
But it need not be that way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. That is just a good reminder. I could fill five hundred stadiums with people who have had or are currently having very similar difficulties.
Now there are two ways to approach this issue. One is to spend some time (either through writing in a journal, participating in a group or working with a counselor/therapist) and figure out just why you feel what you do. Since it is the emotions that are holding you back you can take time and look at those feelings and by doing so reduce their intensity. You may learn somethings about yourself that you do not know, in the process. There are a hundred different ways of dealing with embarasment, shyness and other stuff...there are groups, books,orgs, websites,just take a poke around and see what suits ya.
And the other half is your decisions and actions. Don't wait for the day when you are going to feel absolutely confident and have complete self-esteem. You're going to have to take some risks, make some mistakes, feel some stuff you would rather not feel...that is really how life works when we are really living. Think of some small steps you can take. If there are people you already can talk to ask them what kind of things might you take on that could move you forward...not from A to Z...but from A to maybe D or C....it really does not matter how far you move. Progress is progress. And if you go from A to C then you can take on F and L....
What have been some risks that you have already taken in your life?
What are things you are already very proud of?
What are things about you that you really want to tell and what are things about yourself that you really do not want anybody to ever know?
When you feel like running to a corner what is the fear of? Have you felt that way for a long time? Do you remember the first time you felt that scared? What was going on at the time?
Remind yourself that Bill Gates is rather nerd like, the owner of the Seattle Seahawks was once a real nerd, he also owns the Rock and Roll Museum. Plato, Einstein, even Al Gore was seen as nerdish. So you have nothing to be ashamed of in that regard either.
Who you are is not defined by what others say about you. It is not defined by how you feel about yourself. It is not defined by how you act or how others act towards you. It is defined by one thing, your absolute core humanity which you are born with and which you can never and will never loose. Honor everything about you...the good, bad and ugly because 1-you owe it to yourself and 2-it's just a darn good, healthy practice...and it costs nada.
good luck
take care

Answer 3

What the guy above me said is very good advice. I would also do some research on Socail Anxiety,Social Phobia and Shyness.Basically all intermingle. Social Anxiety Institute in Phoenix has a great program for these conditions.Just go to a search engine and do some research. The problem with these conditions is there is not alot of therapist who have proven programs that work.Socail Anxiety is the least understood anxiety. But like I said the SAI is a great facility. There's also Shyness Center in California. I would start with these and also check out books on Amazon on these subjects.

Answer 4

You are still young and sometimes it just takes time to develop self confidence. First, you need to understand that you are not a nerdy kid, who is boring. You simply are shy, that is not a crime. Many young people feel that way. You are a worthwhile individual with much to give the world, you just need to come out of your little shell. Age will just naturally help, as you gain more experience in dealing with other people your self confidence will grow. No one is any better than you and some are just as timid, if you realize that we are all struggling in this life that can help ease your discomfort. Be patience with yourself, learn to laugh at yourself, a little bit, and just be kind to others. Good luck young man I know you will be fine.

Answer 5

I also thought that "people think that I am....."
Go figure - nobody actually gives a damn. If you find smbd who cares - it would not be that hard to communicate with such a person.
Try not to destroy your nervous system so that you will be able to enjoy for a long time all those things you like - dancing, animals, what else you are interested in? ( make a list of your hobbies for yourself and keep it.)
Avoid people who make you feel small. You've got plenty of great advices from people who understand. I am amazed that people gave you a push in a right direction. And did not judge you.
Read and rearead their advices; look hard for that kind of people around - they will be you support group in times of self-doubt. Inside , everybody is good, bad and ugly.

Answer 6

start talking to people, even if it's just a sentence at a time

form a small group of friends first, then seek out to meet more with your new-found confidence

I'm pretty shy myself and this past year I felt I lost most of my friends and I became a bit of a loner. After striking up a conversation with a few of my classmates, after a while we would start meeting up for lunch and now we're close friends! Just last month I was daring enough to go up to someone at a Pre-law seminar (all on my own, something I rarely do) and start a conversation. The person I talked to was sooo nice I totally forgot how nervous I was!

Most people will give you a chance, don't worry! It just takes time. Good luck! :)

Answer 7

First you have to realize that what other people think is not important. It may seem VERY important when you're a kid and you're trying to get a date with that hottie cheerleader. But trust me it's not. Open yourself up to YOURSELF! Figure out who you are before you let others do it for you.
Remember that getting older is a journey and who you ARE will change many times over the course of your life.

Answer 8

This is modern age !
People are aware that unless they are trained and EVALUATED by a worthy University, they carry no value as a 'qualified' person.
Also, advertisements, have great value, people spend a lot on advertisement. Similarly , people spend a lot, hunting for persons with 'value' or 'qualities'. Now, still want to be stuck to just the people 'around', whose evaluation may end up just within them ? Are they qualified to 'recognise' you ? Feel fortunate if they do not notice you.... they would not 'expect' any 'payment'(obligation) for this absence of recognition. Successful persons have no ego problems of 'local' lack of recognition.

Answer 9

Why do you care what other ppl think or say? Why do you distrust yourself so much, that you need a verification from others what is right what is wrong? Don't you sense it yourself? Why you do not believe in a qualities of yourself you listed above, instead believe in a questionable statements of those who do not know you at all? When you'll answer those questions be sure you are becoming open.

Answer 10

Hey you know, when I was a kid, I was like that too. It took me a while to get over it. Its a slow process but the first thing I learned to overcome is that need to please people. That need to be approved. Once you get over that, you will get better with people. Its really something like stage fright. So the next time you get embarassed, try to remember that people probably didn't even know you did something embarassing. Remember that picture with Naomi Campbell falling on the runway and she's all smiles?