I'm getting married in October 2007 things are great with us. But his son and I have a hard time getting along. His mother talks bad on me all the time and he is believing it. I don't say anything about her because I'm better then that but at the same time I can't stand not standing up for myself. What do I do??? I want to be his friend and get along with him but when all he talks about is his mom and what she says about me (and his Dad) It hurst me and I pull away from it all.
2006-12-27 12:25:04 · 15 answers · asked by Ohiobride 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is always a bad situation when your going to marry somebody who's child you don't get along with,my mother married my ex-step dad and from day one,his daughter was big trouble....My best advice is to extend "the olive branch" and have all of you meet in a public place for lunch,air your beefs with each other in a place nobody can raise their voice,perhaps even get a thrid party involved such as a church elder,a counsler or some other trusted adult that can give some Christian advice,a true Christian is going to give you advice that would be something The Lord put in their heart.....I wish you well my friend...Never let a step child come between you,if that happends,he or she wins.
2006-12-27 12:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by raventears56 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the Dad, very seriously, and have him confront the situation also. It can't all be your problem. Marriage is a mutual settlement, and if you're having major problems with the son then the Dad (the man you're marrying) should take up for you and help resolve your problem, with the son and his witchy mother.
If you don't speak up, there's going to come a time when things will blow up, and you'll probably be the one blowing up if you keep your emotions bottled up. It's time to confront the Dad in this situation and get some results. It could also be a ploy from the mother to wreck your marriage before it starts, either out of hatred for the ex (the Dad) or for you marrying him. So if you want to win the game, speak up. You're marrying into this family, and you have your rights to be happy in it too.
2006-12-27 21:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
I suggest that you ask his dad what are some things he like to do if you don't know. On one of the weekends that he's visiting you and his dad see if it's okay and what you soon to be husband thinks about it if you take him to a game, concert or movies whatever..
This will give you and him a chance to get to know each other and become friends. Show interest in the things that he likes to do and trust me in time you two will be buddies!
His mother course you know is only telling the child nonsense to make things hard on you and his dad. This can be overcome by taking the above advice.
The child will learn you and know that you aren't mean, cruel and whatever his mother has told him.
Other than that time Ohiobride time...
Good luck and congratulations on the upcoming wedding!!
ps
yes, some of this also needs the dad's input in dealing with this and he may want to discuss this with the child in front of you, this should be a team effort. Though the trick to getting the child to realize that your a very sweet person is some one on one time.
2006-12-27 21:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by ssgtmommy01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a single mom, I have two boys 6 and 7. There dad has a girlfriend that I don't care for, but I never talk bad about her cause I don't want my boys thinking that it is okay to talk down on people. It does not help that she does that, so might want to talk to the father and have him talk to his son and ex. My kids always tell me that they want there father and I back together, and I tell them that it will never happen but, there dad and I will always love them not matter who we are with so that don't thing that we are replacing the other parent. It is not easy being in a already made family, give it time. Good luck.
2006-12-28 00:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by Julie M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation. Only my boyfriend has two kids. Same scenario. You get to a point where you have to stand up for yourself. You will be miserable if you don't. When he says something, correct him, or put him in his place. I don't know how old he is, but he should at some point, see through his mother and see that she is trying to ruin his relationship with his father and you. Do your best not to take it too personal.... Its hard, I know!! Don't let her mess up what you have with your fiance. You will be giving her exactly what she wants.
2006-12-27 20:37:41 · answer #5 · answered by gypsygrl1973 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to be the bigger person in this situation. Don't say bad things about his mom to him. To be honest, I think it is your future husband's responsibility to handle this situation. Your fiance should have a talk with his son and explain to him that you are a very nice person. Your fiance should tell his son that saying bad things about people are inappropriate and he (your fiance) and you will not listen to that kind of talk from his mother. Tell your fiance to ask the son to not report anything negative to you all that his mother has said. He should explain it in a way that he don't talk negatively about the child's mother for it can cause the child to be bitter and angry. Try talking to your fiance and ask him to handle the situation with his son. It is ashame that the mother put things in his head like this.
2006-12-27 20:48:30 · answer #6 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont like to say this but children have a way of tearing you down. He will always get in the middle of everything and most likely the father will take his side. Eventually it will ruin the marriage but maybe if you get family counseling with your future husband and the son together in the same room and talk to a therapist it might help.
2006-12-27 20:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the Better person don't let it bother you have a talk with the boy's father & tell him how U feel or have a talk with the mother and tell her how you feel if she keeps it up just tell the boy tell your mom to keep her opinions to herself cause they hurt you he might tell her 2 stop I know my step son told this 2 his mother and all the hurtful words ended.Good Luck
2006-12-27 20:29:20 · answer #8 · answered by sugarbdp1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to sit down with his mom and have a talk with her. thats the only way it will get resolved. you need to tell her that what she is putting in this poor childs head and making life for the 3 of you hard. tell her that she is not with him for a reason and it must be a good one. but its time to let you 3 live the life that you want.
2006-12-27 20:29:37 · answer #9 · answered by babyblues452 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take into consideration that when you marry this man, you will be marrying his son and to an extent his ex.
"That is a fact" .
Now ask yourself: Is this the life I want?
That will be the answer to your question.
2006-12-27 21:20:57 · answer #10 · answered by MATADOR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋