double standard?

Question

I feel awful for stating this question, but not more than holding these views. I think i might have a double standard. I'm bisexual and i have different like on men and women. for instance. on a man i really don't care about looks, just personality, but on women, i'm looking for looks and personality. I really don't mind if the guy smokes, drinks, or farts. I really mind if a woman does it. I really feel awful about this, i sort of think of myself as a supporter of feminism. i am also very pro-choice, sort of restating the whole feminism idea. anywas, do you have advice in to how to get rid of this double standard?

Answer 1

If you think of there being two discrete genders and no continuity inbetween, you'll be hard pressed to not treat the two differently.

Since there is no wrong or right approach, just competing schools of thought on these subjects, You really should just choose a path where you're consistent with your beliefs and actions through and through.

It seems to me you have two choices to keep things simple:

1. Accept there are two distinct genders with masculine features at one end and feminine at the other grounded in two disctinct sexes. Therefore you shouldnt feel guilty for treating them on a gender by gender basis when it comes to matters of attractiveness and sexuality in general.

2. And this one is a bit more work. Stop identifying two distinct genders and just treat people the same in both cases no matter what sex/gender they are. This would probably mean some conditioning yourself and policing your thoughts and actions until you're not looking at people as anything more as humans with a continuous line of sex and gender, from woman, to intersexed, to man all as people.

The fact you're even asking such questions is itself more than most people even imagine striving for. Good Luck, soldier.

Answer 2

I don't think you have a double standard, per se. A double standard that threatened your stance as a supporter of feminism would be if you adamantly insisted that these were the way men and women were supposed to act- that a woman couldn't smoke, drink, pass gas, whatever, and has to be beautiful, whereas men can do those things and not be as good looking, but still be okay. That's a bad attitude to take. But merely liking what you like- how can you help that?

Being bisexual doesn't mean you have to approach the sexes like they're the same- both have wonderful, different things to offer. Valuing each for what they have is part of the beauty.

Hope that helps you see things a little differently.

Answer 3

All is fair in love and war. There is a double-standard for men and women because, frankly, men aren't women. This does not mean that women should be paid less or should have less rights. But it is understandable that grooming and behavioral expectations vary. Women cannot walk outside in a dirty shirt and unkempt hair. Men, however, are expected and allowed to be "rough on the edges." This isn't neccessarily right, but this is how both genders allow the reality to be like. If this reality does not appeal to you, try having a general "code of conduct" that you apply to the men and women you date.

Answer 4

i think you have been influenced (or maybe even brainwashed) by societal double standards in general..

you're view of men is fairly similar to the societal standards and norms for what a man is supposed be like.. men are supposed to be tough, drink, smoke, etc..

same thing for women, they are supposed to be more sweet and lady-like.. they are also supposed to be good looking skinny models.. you seem to have bought into these theories...

it is also common for bisexuals to have different interests and opinions. some are more gay than others, some are more straight than others.. and some just have different turn ons from both sexes.

try to ignore what society says and look deep inside your heart and decide what you really want out of a person, either male or female..

Answer 5

I don't think of it so much as a double standard but viewing the genders differently and looking at one gender casually and the other gender as a potential partner. With men, you do not care about their looks, you do not care if they smoke, you do not care if they drink; all of these things you would care about if you were thinking about being with them long term. With women you say you care about these things, so it seems to me that, although you may be bi, you lean a bit more towards women than men.

Answer 6

Hon, we can't always choose our views. Sometimes they just happen to be in our minds without us really putting them there on purpose. Besides, it's not like you're a terrible person for expecting a little more out of women. At least you're still for women's rights and seem to look at men and women as equals.

Answer 7

I am a guy who likes to dress as a woman. I will only have a drink or two if dressed female and don't fart or smoke. If I am dressed male I will drink a little harder, will fart, still not smoke. Hey we are made for eachother!

Answer 8

I think that's normal, I have different standards for men and women also. It just depends on our preferences.

Answer 9

Just go with who attracts you. I like different things in women and men too.

Answer 10

Maybe you expect it from a guy but not a chick. Like with me, when i was growing up i watched my father hit my mother, so now if a guy hits me i treat it like no big deal, but if a girl does i break up w/ her so fast. Did you have crappy male influences growing up?