Can you help me?

Question

Please help me ...?
I have been married 21 years to a good provider. Our kids are in college and out of the house now. My husband has worked a lot and it has put a strain on our relationship. We are more like roomates. I care very much about him, but I feel that if I stay one more day then I will be cheating us both.
I met someone at work that makes my heart sing. We have not done anything physical, and have maintained a professional relationship. This man is available, and I feel that I belong with him.
I love this man. He is my soulmate.
Do I leave my husband and follow my heart, or stay for many more years of sadness and longing.
Please advise.

This is all very sad to me. I don't want to hurt him, but I want him to have a chance for love, too.

He's not warm and affectionate, he's on the reserved side, and sex...it's been so long...

I can't even watch love movies, it breaks my heart.

Answer 1

Oh wow dont do that to your husband!
Try and make it work and just talk to him...
And try to advoid the man who is making you like this because you may never know, he may only want into your pants and leave you and you will have NOTHING...
Atleast you know your husband loves you and CARES for you...
I would say work things out with your husband please! It even breaks my heart if you do this to him!

Answer 2

I have a few questions for you to think about?

What have you done to add romance and sparks to the marriage? I understand if he's not affectionate like you want him to be, but did he just get this way or has he been this way for 21 years? Have you tried to make sexual advances towards your husband? Have you all had a one on one discussion about your marriage and how unhappy you are.
You may be surprised that he feels the same way you do since he no longer have sex with you. If he never shown affection towards you in 21 years, why do you want this big change now? That should have been dealt with 21 years ago (the affection part). I suggest that you all talk things over and try to come to some understanding about what is going on in the marriage. It seems like the both of you have a break down in communication. He is not some roommate, he is your husband and the man you chose to have children with. So you all need to stop acting like strangers and start communicating. Tell him what makes you unhappy and what you would like to see some areas of improvement in marriage. You need to tell him to be honest with you as well and tell you the same. Listen to each other and talk. You two have 21 years together and have raised 2 adult children. It is time to enjoy. You all should be walking in the house taking each other clothes off and having exciting sex (lol).

As for the outside available man, let him find someone just like him, available. You are not available. Sometimes when married people see someone who gives them a little more attention they want to jump and leave the spouse learning later that the person is a jerk. So the available guy may be fun and nice now but you may see another side if you leave your husband for him. And another thing, has the available guy told you he likes you in that way?

At least try to work things out with your husband. Seek marriage counseling, take trips together, do exciting things and learn to enjoy each other again. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Are you really willing to throw away 21 years together? I think you you all should seek marriage counseling. The way you are talking seems as if you are willing to give it away without even talking things out first or simply just giving it a shot. Children grown and gone? This is the time to really live it up with your husband. Take a trip from time to time figure out ways to add sparks into your marriage. The bottom line is to communicate with one another. Who knows, he may feel the same way about you since he works all of the time. Just talk thing over before making such a big decision of walkig away from 21 years of marriage.

Now to the man at work.The grass may seem greener on the other side but it is not always that green. You say you love this man. Well, truly what do you know about him other than he has a job? If you and your husband has tried to work things out and it still doesn't work than maybe you can consider moving on.

Answer 4

Can the soulmate crap. That would be a good start.
What the hell are you doing. What has your husband done to have you wandering around with other guys. 21 years done all the right things and you are finding a " soulmate" how freaking touching.
How on earth can you say you love him? Have you been doing him already? Here's a good idea, why don't you follow your cold heart and go to this guy who will understand that your head can be turned so he will dump your butt and you can live your life of loneliness and sadness alone, where it appears you belong.
This "soulmate " crap is for a 21 year olds not some guy who has turned your head after 21 years of marriage.
So why do I have to tell a 40+ year old to grow up?

Answer 5

That is a really tough one.Iknow how hard this has to be. I know things can get really boring in a marriage sometimes.The question is how unhappy were you before you met this other man?IF you already were thinking about leaving him I would feel better about telling you do go for it.The grass sometimes looks greener on the other side then to find out its not.Please do not act on it too quickly. Think it through!!!Pray about it. 21 years is a long time to live with someone and then have them gone. But dont live a life of misery either. Just think it all through, and dont decide too quicly. I hope you find happiness in whatever you should decide. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Keep in mind that these feelings you are having for the man at work may not last very long. And are you sure he feels the same for you? Are you my sister? She fell for a guy at work and was ready to leave her husband until she found out he was just a flirt and he really wasn't interested in a relationship with her. Don't give up on a good man. Put your energy into your marriage.

Answer 7

The grass is always greener on the other side, but it is just as hard to mow. Pretty soon the other man will be dull and you'll be looking for that spark again. Seek counseling with your husband. You have history and there is hope for you. Please don't leave what you know can be a good thing for an unknown that looks good on the outside but prabably has his own issues/baggage that will come to light later. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

It seems that the only problem between you two is communication. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about the relationship. Since there is no infidelity involved I think the relationship is worth salvaging. Don't just throw 21 yrs away on a maybe relationship with someone you just meet. What would you children think.

Answer 9

I think that before you act on your crush you should tell your husband that you are unhappy, bored or whatever it is that has made you not want to be married to him. Maybe he feels the same way or maybe he will start to pay more attention to you and make you feel for him again and forget the crush. I think you have to give your husband a chance first, but if he doesn't want to change his behavior to you that has made you feel this way then, well......I don't recommend being miserable.

Answer 10

Sounds like you already made up your mind - go with your heart, it may put you in deep sh_t, but you only live once. If your choice wasn't the good one, well so be it. You have to try or........I'm sounding way too cliche for my taste. Do what makes you happy. And I think your new friend makes you happy (it may not be all roses, but probably better than your current life)
Sweet Dreams!