My first wife passed away and I have since remarried. My children ( adult age) from my first marriage refuse to talk to my second wife. Should I force them to talk to her and should I just let things happen hoping someday they will get together.
2006-12-27 11:23:48 · 34 answers · asked by njal47 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If they are adults, you can't really force them to do anything. Afterall, just because your wife died, does not grant the new wife their real mother's respect. She will have to earn it on her own, and in time. Hopefully your kids will give her the chance to get to know them... and vice versa. I'm sure it is difficult for her to want a decent relationship with them since they are a part of your life, but if it doesn't happen, as long as you make each other happy, that's really what is most important. You've gone through a major loss, and so have your children. You all deal with it differently, but the kids (grown) should let you live your life, and they should at least give some respect to the others you have chosen to bring into it.
2006-12-27 14:32:52 · answer #1 · answered by catchernkeeper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. Been there, done that. The kids will one day come around and likely be sorry for their actions but there's nothing you can do about it other than have a spine and "stand-up for your wife" at all costs. Let the kids know you won't stand for their negativity toward your chosen path to happiness in what's left of your life and for them not to even consider inviting yourself w/out your new wife for family get-to-gethers, etc. If you're asking for the sake of your new wifes feelings, well she just needs to get over it. Surely she didn't go into this marriage w/her eyes closed and I don't recall anything on the 'best seller lists' that remotely suggested that being a step-parent was easy, fun or fulfilling. It's the most thankless part a person will ever be party to in life. Stand by your guns on this one for your own happiness. Good luck !
2006-12-27 11:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by Diana C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should know by now that you can not force anyone to like or talk to someone. I guess what your not sharing is why they don't like your new wife or why they won't talk to her. Did you wait for their mother to be buried before you brought her into the home? Did you ask or care about their opinion of her? Did they ask you not to marry her and have good reason to ask such a thing? There has to be a lot more to this story that you are not sharing.
2006-12-27 11:27:33 · answer #3 · answered by Sally B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont force them to talk 2 her it will only make the situation worse. their mother passed away, the women that gave borth to them and took care of them. so she will be forever in their hearts. but the fact that you married another women in their eyes they feel as if u have forgotting about her by being with someone else. what they fail to realized is that u as a father needs companionship. u cant have that becuz ur wife is gone. just let things flow how they are and eventually they will come around.
2006-12-27 11:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by superstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to them and tell them how you feel about your new wife and how she makes you feel. Also tell them that your new wife in no shape or form is there to take the place of their mother, tell them how you feel about their mother and that you had to move on. They may not understand right away and may need some time to comprehend the whole matter. If with time they don't understand then they are just being selfish.
2006-12-27 11:33:30 · answer #5 · answered by bootjack 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think forcing your children to talk is the answer. In fact, that would probably cause MORE hate and animosity.
You might want to just tell them the truth. Your new wife is important to you and your children are important to you. You are not asking them to love their mother any less, or to accept this new wife as their new mother. You are simply wanting them to accept her as your wife and for all parties to be kind.
Good luck to you and your family.
2006-12-27 11:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by miracle_happen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let things go and someday they will get along. you have to understand the death of your first wife is realy hard on them and you getting married shows that you dont care about they r mother. thats how ur children see it but i know its not true. they just dont want to accept the new wife because they think she s trying to replace their mother. you should talk to them about this and make things clear and prove to them that your second wife is innocent she s not trying to do anything wrong. do not force your kids to do anything because it will just make it worse. just talk for now
2006-12-27 11:29:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should demand respect from them, but don't force a relationship from them. Let things happen naturally, just don't allow rudeness, even from adult children, especially concerning the circumstances (your first wife passed away). Good luck.
2006-12-27 11:27:05 · answer #8 · answered by donnabellekc 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would like to know your plan in forcing your adult children to talk to your wife. It is impossible. You cannot "force" them to talk to her. You could talk to them and ask them to accept her as your wife. But give it sometime, maybe they would come around. If they don't then it is their loss.
2006-12-27 12:56:05 · answer #9 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To get real happiness..pls do not force anybody..spl..when they are adult in age..so..also capable enough to understand..
so..pls find out maximum chances to get them together in common occasion..like birthday..parties..etc & do praise to both the sides,for another side..see that..love bond is not disturbed by U..for both sides..U..may ask ur wife[2 nd]to initiate all the time..day will come,when children will start talking..loving..!!
best of luck..!!
2006-12-27 11:35:17 · answer #10 · answered by prem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋