helloo everybody first of all happy xmas and a happy new year. Well here is the problem the problem is my husband is not interested i nhaving sex with anymore he doesnt fancy me he is cold to me he wont talk to me he ignoredshe tells me that I should keep the house clean look after his daughter and i should look after his needs and everybody elses needs. he callled me a lazy sxxxt a prostitute. I cant take anymore i want out of this marriage i have filled in the divorce formsand i wan to move on and iam rterally scared and afraid and emotionally upset. Guys what should I do what is your advice?
2006-12-27 11:05:03 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Marriage should be a loving partnership. Both partners need to make an effort to make it work.
Your husband not wanting sex is the least of your problems. The coldness and the insults are worse. It sounds as if he does not love you or is very bad at expressing that love.
It sounds as if you have already made your decision. But if you are still undecided, then here are some questions to think about.
Does he say those hurtful things just when he is angry (we all say things we don't mean when we are in a rage) or when he is calm?
Do you love him? Do you want a future for yourself and your daughter with him? (Is she your daughter as well?) What are your expectations from marriage and how do they fit with your husband's? If you could mend your relationship, would you want to?
I would say that if you want to save the marriage, suddenly producing divorce papers will not be a miracle cure. If he is a bad communicator, it will make things worse. He will just retreat further. If you want to save the marriage and his coldness is shyness rather than a lack of love, then you need to woo him not scare him.
If you do want to give it another go, then you need to do the following:
- respond positively to any fair criticisms that he has made (maybe the house is a bit of a mess or your daughter is feeling neglected)
- ask him to sit down and talk to you at a time that suits you both
- say that you've made an effort on some of the things he mentioned, that you love him, you value your marriage and hope he does too, and that it is important to you to know that he loves you
- listen to what he says, the whole of it not just the good or the bad bits
That will help you make your decision.
Good luck
2006-12-30 19:55:51 · answer #1 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve a better life. Just take stock of this situation, keep calm and make small decisions every day. Your biggest consideration will probably be financial so take legal advice at the earliest opportunity ( it seems you have ). It will get worse before it gets better and will be it's very nature get scarey ... but don't be bullied or compromised .... keep your head and dignity and your sanctity should see you through. And don't strive to come off second best because you want out ... demand what is yours and what is fair in law. But most of all, keep that freedom in mind and a much happier life as well ... life is too damn short not to try again .... good luck and a great new year!
2006-12-27 11:11:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't elaborate on what is on your mind so I imagine something is weighing you down---stress, depression, etc. The fact that you're not getting along also plays a huge part in it. Women tie sex into their emotions. If the emotions/feelings are off, our libidos suffer. Tell him what is bothering you and talk about your marriage with him. Let him know what your wants and needs are and ask him in return what you can do to help. If it continues, go see your doctor and/or a therapist.
2016-03-29 08:42:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men have a hard time expressing themselves. Maybe what he means is that you are not as attractive as you used to be. Trying going to the gym and get fit. Then surprise him some night. If that doesn't work then dump him. I just say that b/c everyone always just wants to get a divorce these days. I mean what about your daughter. Have you thought about how this will effect her and her future? Try to work through it first. Tell him that his remarks hurt your feelings and demand respect. If you act submissive you will bring out the beast in him. He will only do what he feels he can get away with. Divorce is last resort.
2006-12-27 11:48:41 · answer #4 · answered by adddictedtomonsterenergy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well he is definitely exibiting unreasonable behaviour - but you would need a church pastor/legal type to ascertan whether or niot it is sexually cruelty - as biblically you can divorce for sexual cruelty -which included adultery, when 2 beome one their bodies no longer belong to themselves - but to each other - how can he deny you, even if youve put on weight - when you said the marriage vows you didnt make a pre-nup saying he will only love you providided - you dont get fat, and vise versa - or if he doesnt go bald - it says to have and to hold - from this day forward - for better for worse - til death us do part, unless he planning on takig a shotgun to his head - maybe he needs reminding and outside help - stimulation - such as the church, id definitely see a counsellor seek legal advice. He clearly wants you out of his life, surely under american law - if you tell someone to leave - it goes against you in court??? maybe the court could appoint you a body guard?? speak to the domestic violence unit at the local police force???
Still I wouldnt cook him any more meals, do his laundry, give him sex - and for gods sake woman - buy a vibrator adn no matter how he humilaiutes you go to the bathroom - and use it and say in court - he couldnt perform, you felt so lonely for the human touch - that this was all you could do to feel loved\! besides it will pis him off
2006-12-27 14:51:37 · answer #5 · answered by Mercy J 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get out of there. I divorced my husband for the very same thing..plus he was physically abusive. I was scarred but 6 years later I now look back and see how much happier I am with my new life and new man :0)
2006-12-27 12:15:49 · answer #6 · answered by A M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you already know what you need to do. You don't say why you are scared, is he abusive to you or your child? If he isn't, then why would you be fearful of him?
Starting over is scary and overwhelming, but it isn't that bad once you get used to it.
In your divorce papers make sure that you both agree to custody to your child, and try to remain civil for your daughter's sake.
No one should stay in a relationship that is without physical and emotional love, so looks like it's time for you to leave! Good luck
2006-12-27 11:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by RetroDiva65 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Veronica, you say you have filled in the divorce forms?-next step is to post them, or give them to a solicitor-and move on without a backwards glance...you are doing the right thing...do not put up with this crap from anyone...AND NO SECOND CHANCES.
2006-12-28 07:27:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are women`s refuge houses if push comes to shove because he is violating you or hitting you,sorry our fellow man has let you down,someone one day when this is all out of the way will take you down that magic road again & maybe things will turn out different,Good luck.
2006-12-28 03:19:27 · answer #9 · answered by edison 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take care of you and your daughters needs first. Make sure you have a DEFINITE place to go. Make sure your lawyer handles his/her business. Most importantly, be sure to get help for whatever you or your daughter need. Counseling, financial planning, what ever resources are at your disposal. Look to local universities and community centers to get at some of those resources.
Good Luck and Happy Holidays to you too.
2006-12-27 11:19:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋