why is cohabitation bad for unmarried couples?

Question

I read that men who live with women they eventually marry aren't as committed to the union as those who didn't live with their mates before tying the knot, what do you think?

I heard that:

"Half a commitment is no commitment. Cohabiting couples are likely to have one foot out the door, throughout the relationship. The members of a cohabiting couple practice holding back on one another. They rehearse not trusting."

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

Answer 1

While financially it looks good on paper, if there is more than just room-mating ( sharing expenses) going on, there is a serious lack of commitment, and that is what is wrong.
Look it up, COMMITMENT is what gets you past the arguments that WILL happen, and focused on FIXING the problem of the moment...COMMITMENT to Each Other and to the BOND. If all you are looking for is sex, you can buy that or get it for free with out the heart ache. But then what do you have...2 people using each others body to MASTERBATE...and that is NOT LOVE. Love REQUIRES commitment to the "TEAM" of US...rather than what you get out of it individually.

Answer 2

I think that most people who live together don't go into it saying let's live together for a while and see what happens. Maybe the minority. I think most people decide to live together as a precursor to marriage. And I think that's a good thing because it gives you a chance for a 'test run.' You don't really know someone well until you live with them and have that degree of intimacy/familiarity. I think that any disadvantages are of the financial nature, as a couple people here have said. But I think that the advantages outweigh those.

For people saying it doesn't work or it's bad, I should just remind them that more people who didn't live together than did, end up getting divorced. But the bottom line is neither is better or worse than the other. It's all up to the couple.


On additional details:

Bluefairy, what are your sources? Just because you read or hear something, doesn't mean you have to believe it, or that it's even remotely true, or the only valid opinion. You should scrutinize your sources before assuming they're accurate or even reasonably informed on the matter of which they're speaking. Often you'll find that personal opinions are prompted by strong emotions on a particular subject about which the person really knows very little, or feels compelled to stick with because of perceived religious or moral edicts (rather than personal choice) which say that only a single, specific view can be correct. More often than not, there is no correct view.

I'd much sooner hold valid the opinions of people who've either lived the experience for themself, or done academic or scientific reasearch on the subject. At least that way I can get many sides of a story and have an informed opinion.

Answer 3

I personally dont think it is . my husband and i lived together for 3 + years and we got all the crazy fighting out of the way.. we went through hell those years and i wanted to just give up several times but knew that if i loved him we would make it through..now we have been married for a while and we have a better relationship than i ever imagined... by the way im young, like 22 so its not like ive been in this situation forever..

Answer 4

I have had two relationships like that with the first one it was not that at all but he did not propose and we were together for over 3 years and the second no...we are engaged...and we are true to each other that is someone opinion and mine is if you find the right person it does not matteR

Answer 5

Personally, I don't think it's bad. I think that it's great!! My mom always told me that you should live with a guy for at least 1 year before you marry. That way, you can decide if you can live with each others' habits (bad or good). I totally suggest living together before marriage.

Answer 6

The research all shows that it is bad, but they always lack a reasonable hypothesis. In my experience everyone I know have said it is fine. I say its a good thing if you have never lived with someone of the opposite sex before.

Answer 7

Unless it is against one or both of your religious beliefs, what is wrong with it. .Do you try a pair of shoes on before you buy them ? In response to one answer above. Keep all receipts for things purchased and if you split you need not worry about anyone walking off with your stuff. You have PROOF it is yours.

Answer 8

I lived with my wife before we got married. It was the best decision I ever made. I realized that she was someone that I could live with and she realized that I was someone that she could live with. We got married and I'm so glad we did it that way because it took so much pressure off getting married.

Answer 9

I honestly don't think that it is. I think that it lets you know ahead of time what it will be like to live with this person.
Just like sex........who's to say that you will enjoy sex with that person if u wait? I know that it is not right, I just think that u have to test the waters before you jump right in!

Answer 10

I don't think it's bad but if it's a serious relationship, there should be a timeline for marriage.

Answer 11

Because in the event of a split one can walk away with EVERYTHING while leaving the other behind with nothing but the bills. At least in a marriage when there is a split and a divorce both parties are ASSURED of at LEAST one half of all of the marital assets. I'd rather get 1/2 than be stuck with nothing but all the bills...don't know about you.