My husband is in the air force. At his flight Christmas party, I was standing around, waiting for him to be ready to go home and a higher-ranking guy came up to me and leaned in like he was going to whisper something in my ear. Then he kissed me on the cheek and thanked me for being so nice to him at the convenience store where I work. Now, I barely know this guy, only seen him a few times before and he gives me and my husband both a creepy feeling. When it happened I just stepped back and tried to laugh it off. Then he disappeared and I told my husband about it, but I feel like I should have said something to the guy at the time. So how do I handle this? Let it be unless it happens again, or say something to him now, even though it may negatively affect my husband at work?
2006-12-27 10:09:41 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I know it doesn't sound like a big deal to some, but like I said, this guy has given creepy vibes before and has said innapropriate things in conversation before. Like bringing up my husband's and my sex life and asking what form of protection we use. So this is almost like an escalation of previous behavior.
2006-12-27 10:38:47 · update #1
I say let it go unless it happens again and then go to that guy's higher ranking officer or your husband's equal opportunity advisor and report him. you see, just because he outranks your husband does not give him the right to hit on you. he cannot use his rank to bully your husband if you turn him down, either. he might try, but that's about as illegal as it gets and you can slam him and take his rank for it. Every person in the military has someone they answer to; including creeps.
steer clear of him. if you see him at work or at your husband's flight parties, be professional and polite, but keep your distance. this guy's an insult to the uniform.
PS no, you're not overreacting. it's unfortunate, but in the military, higher ranking officials often try to use their rank to get their own way. the best way to combat that is to step up and let them know where the line really is.
2006-12-27 10:15:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As tempting as it may be in afterthought to put him in his place at the time, I think you did the exact right thing and displayed an excellent amount of social grace. Yes his action was inappropriate, but maybe he'd been drinking and didn't really mean anything by it.
I suggest you keep a healthy distance - a few steps at least- between you and this guy at work, but continue to be pleasant and polite to him. Just decide your boundary and let him know, politely but firmly, if he crosses it again. If he is aware of your boundary and crosses it yet again, that's the time to report him to HIS superior.
I also suggest to try to not be alone with this guy where no one could see you, just in case he's a predator. Keep all interactions public and you'll likely be safe.
2006-12-27 10:20:11 · answer #2 · answered by KC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry about it too much if you only see the creep once in a while AND your husband's not going to be stationed there forever (he could request a transfer if things really got out of hand). If he gets close to you again, just back off right away. Make an excuse to go to the Ladies room or something.
2006-12-27 10:18:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The tasteful thing to do is let it go. Maybe this guy was really just trying to be nice and meant no harm at all.
You will be more classy for letting it go. If you make a big deal about it , it will only make you look bad, trust me on this !
Not only will it turn on you and make you look bad, but it will reflect badly on your Husband and you cant do that.
If it happens again I would be concerned, but for now just let it slide....
Good Luck !
HAPPY NEW YEAR !
2006-12-27 10:19:46 · answer #4 · answered by Bridget 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd let it go unless something like it happens again. And if this does occur, find out who the superior's immediate superior is (in the command chain). Only he/she will be able to act without prejudice toward your husband.
2006-12-27 10:13:30 · answer #5 · answered by CPT Jack 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your husband who is in the military, not you and as such if a grievance is to be launched it must be by him. If you do something it is outside the chain of command/unit and i can guarantee you there will be reprisals.
Even if the behavior is predatorial you must take precautions or you will find yourselves posted to alaska..or your husband sent to Iraq...the military has its ways. Good luck.
2006-12-27 11:56:46 · answer #6 · answered by Therapist King 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it sounds like you handled it properly. Shi* rolls down hill and in the military you won't get the guy in trouble for that but you will get your husband in a world of hurt.
2006-12-27 10:15:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it has the most affect if you handle it personally. Because of the situation with your husband and his rank, you have to be careful how you put him in his place. Firmly, but politely. Next time it happens, tell him you don't feel comfortable with his behaviour and please stop.
2006-12-27 15:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by Pepper's Mommy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
aren't you overreacting a little? I mean if it was a party, and as i suppose alcohol was involved, things like those happen. Maybe he was just trying to be nice. Maybe he was a little "jolly". I'd say the safest bet for you is to just let it be unless it happens again.
2006-12-27 10:13:42 · answer #9 · answered by AMBER D 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Laugh it off,if he comes on to you again,remind him that you are married and that he's out of line ! It could have been just the liquor talking !
2006-12-27 10:14:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋