My best friend got back into a relationship with her abusive ex-boyfriend. Since then, she has avoided most contact with me, except when she's at th bar drunk and needs to text me with a stupid message. We agreed that we needed to talk about what was going on, and she admits that she knows it is hurting me. We're supposed to get together tomorrow, and I thought that since we wanted to to celebrate Christmas together, that it would just be the two of us. She informed me that we'd be going to the bar and meeting up the ex-boyfriend and his sister (who, btw, always ends up getting into dangerous situations when she's drunk), and would it be okay with me. I told her I wanted to hang with her, but she informed me that if I couldn't accept hanging out with them, she would only hang out with me in the afternoon, and wouldn't go and have drinks with me without them there. The ex-boyfriend has called me horrible things . It hurts not to have my bff, but its worse being in this situation.
2006-12-27 09:25:59 · 12 answers · asked by Lilly Jones-Fair 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Obviously you care alot about this person but she doesn't feel the same for you...but you know now that i think about it she probably does but you know love makes us do stupid things sometimes...it is blinding to many things and your friend might think she loves this person but you know when people get stuck in an abusive relationship its usually because they have a low self esteem about themselves or they become codependent and nothing else matters...and for you well you are on the outside looking in so you have a clearer picture one she can not see yet...to be a true friend you must be there for when she falls from cloud 9 and this guy cheats on her or hurts her bad enough for her to say enough is enough. My best advice to you is to stay out of this relationship because in her eyes if the boyfriend says bad things about you well he is right...always. Try talking to her not in an accusing way just tell her how much you love her and all you want is her happiness and if she ever decides she needs your help or she's had enough and is ready to face her fears, well then she can count on you to be there.
2006-12-27 09:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by NINA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know being in a abusive relationship is a terrible thing but you can't help someone who doesn't want the help or is to scared to do anything about it. The only thing u can do is be there for her and give her advice here and there but not all the time. Sometimes the less u say sinks in better then saying to much. Be there for her always if she is truely a good friend she will need you one day and then you can help her but until she's ready there's nothing else u can do.
2006-12-27 17:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by loverofunicorns2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At some point you need to speak your peace to her about the situation, and then move on. Pray for her on a regualar basis.
Unfortunately you can't control her choices in life and what's even more unfortunate is that her choices will end up destroying her (if she doesn't wake up and smell the java) if it hasn't already.
Hopefully she'll come through this without too much suffering. If not, you'll need to be strong and heal from this sad experience. But don't place yourself in harms way emotionally or physically because it will eventually destroy you too.
2006-12-27 17:39:37 · answer #3 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really can't do anything. She is going to have to decide to end that relationship herself. He probably feels threatened by you, and has probably "ordered" her to not contact you. If you do talk to her, she'll probably say, "but I love him". Seen it time and time again......history repeats itself. You can tell her 2 things......
1) Love shouldn't hurt
2) You shouldn't be in a miserable relationship when you're in love.
If she decides to stay in that relationship, then I'm sure she'll have to stop talking to you, and will eventually start avoiding you. It's a sad situation that I've seen time and time again. She really needs to dump this loser, and call the cops when he lays a finger on her.
2006-12-27 17:33:26 · answer #4 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard that saying, "if you roll with the pigs you're going to get dirty"? You should explain to your friend that you want to be her friend but you can't do so as long as she's with that piece of sh*t. If you hang out with people who get into trouble you'll find yourself getting into trouble - run the other way and save yourself. Your friend has to make her own choices and it sounds like she's making some very bad ones.
2006-12-27 17:31:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't take a brain to figure this out. Your girlfriend is choosing the guy over you. Life is too short to put up with situations such as this. Find a new friend that won't threat you this way.
2006-12-27 17:36:44 · answer #6 · answered by marilynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a friendship worth saving. Let it go. Maybe someday after she breaks-up with this loser you can be her friend again. But right now she's putting you in danger and that is totally not ok.
2006-12-27 17:28:26 · answer #7 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might be afraid of him. Stand up to her boyfriend if he calls you names to give her a good example. Only do it when there are witnesses. There's not a lot you can do unfortunately. Hope you never have to attend her funeral.
2006-12-27 17:38:30 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your best friend how u feel, and if it really bothers u, cut all ties with her. if she a true friend she will value u more than an abusive bf, and if she does nothing, sometimes experience is th ebest teacher.
2006-12-27 21:50:22 · answer #9 · answered by solaciouscrumb9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but your friend isnt that bright... Let her dumb as*s be with a man who will end up killing her... Just know that your tryed... and you can only get so far... U can be my friend... I'm smart I know how to RESPECT myself and others...
2006-12-27 17:36:31 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋