Been married 3 years. I know it's not along time, but we have two small children and it seems like we have been married forever. I am a stay at home mom, and he is the breadwinner. It wasn't like that in the beginning, but we had some hard times, and I my license has been suspended for the past year and a half (driving without insurance, didn't have the money). Anyways, I am unhappy with myself because I dont amount to what I used to and I feel useless. It obviously has an effect on our marriage because of my own unhappiness. I keep hoping it will change soon when I get my license back, but I wonder if it will ever be the same. I moved away from all of my friends and now I have none. I am scared to work now, and I want to get a job when I get back on my feet. Has anyone ever overcome something like this, and is it brighter on the other side?
2006-12-27 09:14:19 · 13 answers · asked by MiZmeL 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes. But you are depressed and a license will not "fix" that. There are mental health professionals who will charge on a sliding scale. See one.
I had to refocus on making my marriage work. Get out of the house. Meet other parents of little kids. Join a pre-school coop. Contact your old friends. Trust your husband.
2006-12-27 09:19:00 · answer #1 · answered by anirbas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there! Don't give up! You can still build your confidence back up, even without a license. Just call a local church or a non-profit agency in your area. Ask the administrator (or pastor) if you can volunteer to make phone calls from your home. Tell them you really want to help people, but have no transportation or child care available. If you don't have any luck with the first couple of phone calls, keep trying. There's plenty of elderly people out there who would love to get a card or a phone call from a friendly voice. They are so lonely. This will also get you started on making friends or contacts that will be useful to you later when you can get your license back. Plus, volunteering can result in such a rewarding feeling!!!
The key is to take the focus off yourself and your unhappiness by giving your time and talent to others. And try to also focus on all the good things about your marriage. You have 2 beautiful children that you are raising together. Just be the best wife and mother you can be. You are a great person, and I'm sure your husband loves you so much. But sometimes the everyday burdens take their toll on a marriage. I say, just hang in there and share each others burdens together. Your marriage will be strengthened by it. If you can get past 7-10 years, you'll have the hardest part behind you. I've been married 25 years, and those first few years when the kids were small were the hardest. Kids really benefit from having both parents. God bless you!
2006-12-27 09:29:11 · answer #2 · answered by TPhi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ouch
I hear your pain, and can actually feel some of it.
Why are you scared to work?
First, know that you can turn your life around, and yes, you can be happy again. Find the things that bring you joy. Stop looking to your husband to be your source of joy. Not that I'm saying leave him, I'm not saying that at all. But you can't depend on him to be your source of joy and happiness.
Find a church. Find a group that you can identify with. Maybe a play group for your children. But get yourself moving. Make sure you take care of yourself, eat right, take vitamins, get your exercise.
I've been through what you describe several times in my past. You can make it out of the dark and into the light.
Hang in there.
2006-12-27 09:22:28 · answer #3 · answered by Goddess T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go check out marriagebuilders.com
Good Luck, sounds like you need to figure out who you are though, you lost yourslef to beign a wife and mom, it happens so fast with out us knowing t, but you can turn things around, and have an awesome marriage, I know it is hard when you are everything to everyone and have no time for yourself, but it is important that you MAKE time for you and yo ualone, whether it is going out 1 night a week with your best friend for coffee, and cnverstaion, or taking class at the community college.
You are a woman dont underestimate what you can do, you may be a little down now, but you can turn that all around, your kids need a storng healthy mommy & daddy, You can do this!!!
2006-12-27 09:31:33 · answer #4 · answered by michiganmommyx3 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, yes, it will always gets better. If you want to solve the problem, that is, and you obviously do. Just stop flopping for it, I can understand that it sucks, but it will be okay, since you want it to be okay. You are just stuck with it for a while. I never met anyone who wanted to get out of their situation and cannot find a way trough it. Eventually it will work out, and it always does. My advice is stop feeling sad about it; this is not your life; this is just your current state; and it will pass. Try to accept it for what it was and stop worrying. I feel like you are sad because you don't know if you can get out of this problems. You will get your license; the children will grow etc. etc. Try to take it easy and get peace full with it; you will see it will be easier for you.
2006-12-27 09:40:38 · answer #5 · answered by D_M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really sweety your situation is very minor! Don't tell yourself that you are less than before. A man want's a woman who's strong and not in the dumps. Bounce back to your old self. yeah, i've been there. my husband brings home the bacon and it's been like that for 4yrs. we had hard times but we went to counseling! i was shocked...we've been on track now for the last 2 yrs. It's all of what you make it! and you both have to be willing partners! compromise is a 2way street!
2006-12-27 09:23:21 · answer #6 · answered by Jazzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you keep asking a bunch of strangers every possible question about your marriage? Asking one question would be one thing...but you have asked at least four, in the past half hour. You need to talk to your HUSBAND, not us. You both have issues within the marriage, and asking us will not help anything - only you can change your situation.
2006-12-27 09:16:57 · answer #7 · answered by aimeelopez 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you dont like things,,you can change it.It wont happen all at once but gradually aim for those goals of what you want or need.Family first.Iv never been married but my long time roommate & I didnt always get along.It took a long time to get where we are now,,and things have smoothed out & we have learned to get along.Things are great now.
2006-12-27 09:18:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
everytime when we feel insecure, we feel that the other side is brighter and secure. but, life is never that in a sense when we don't have the needed money in times. love is sacred, so is life ... and life needs money to get along. don't waste your precious years for the sake of anybodys affair and weep later again. be a role model to your kids, mom. they need you. got it?
2006-12-27 09:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can turn it around but you BOTH have to work at it, not just you. Your husband has to be an active part of it.
Just remember, you're exactly where you are supposed to be right now in your life. We are not victims of fate. We make our destiny. Go make your life what you want of it.
2006-12-27 09:18:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋