My husband has lied to me but I have lied to my husband I want to put our past behind us but he keeps going into things I lied about...Some of the things he thinks I lied about I didnt but cant prove....its nuts but children are involved and I want to work this out....once you lie how long do you give someone to move on? Is it even fair to say they have to start trusting you?
2006-12-27 08:46:31 · 10 answers · asked by liyah's mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's over. You obviously lied to cover up something you should not have done, and he probably lied to cover up something he should not have done. So, you both have already crossed the point of no return when you both acted on whatever it is that you both had to lie about.
You haven't solved the problem. You don't know how. You don't even know what the problem is. Your relationship is ruined because you could not figure out what is bothering you both that prompted both of you to do stupid things.
2006-12-27 08:52:34 · answer #1 · answered by Sax M 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Trust is everything in a relationship. I am not sure how long you give someone to move on after you have lied to them.... But he needs not to keep bringing up the lies you've told. But how about bringing up things that you can do to mend the relationship.. Lying brings you nothing but pain. Nothing! Telling the truth from the start is better then anything. weather or not it will hurt them. You have to think about it..... Lying will only hurt them more in the long run. Would you want to be lied to? It hurts. Just give him some time, like a few day's or a week. Give him his space. If it continues. Then I don't know when he'll move on.
Good Luck, God Bless and I hope I helped.
2006-12-27 16:55:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly believe that everyone will tell little white lies(so to speak) sometimes because the truth could be more painful to their spouse. Nothing serious though, but if you have lied often and about a lot of things your husband may not know when you are lying or telling the truth. That is when you may have to prove yourself to him and he may need to regain trust in you. You must speak to him openly and honestly and tell him you only want the truth to be spoken from now on. From both of you and prove to him that you can be truthful about everything and mean it. Once you have shown him that you can be truthful, hopefully it won't be too long and he will start to trust you again. You can gain back his trust. Best of luck to you both.
2006-12-27 17:23:26 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course there can't be any trust between you. Neither of you are trustworthy. But even more important here should be the example you both are setting for your children. Liars will grow up with liars for children. Why would you want to complicate their innocent lives like that? Liars always get found out. If not right away then eventually. Do you want them to go without friends at school? Do you want them to get suspended for lying to their teachers? Do you want them to be in the same situation with their spouse that you find yourself in today because they have proven themselves to be untrustworthy? You need to change your whole way of thinking TODAY. It's never acceptable to tell a lie even if it seems to get you out of an uncomfortable situation for the moment. It will always come back around to bite you in the butt. Take the focus off you YOU and put it where it belongs - on your children. Set the example for them.
2006-12-27 16:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by Pamela 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all its not over. Granted you will have to earn that trust back and even if he lied to you also you can forgive him and forget but he will not forgive and forget . Men just don't do that they like to keep brnging it up just as a reminder as they out it. But if Your truely sorry for what ever it is you have lied about don't let it happen again and keep on the up and up and always defend yourself when you know that you are right just to let him know that you are really trying to make it work.
Been there doing that .
2006-12-27 17:02:49 · answer #5 · answered by curious_59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like I said in my last answer to you:
He is punishing you.
He is being neurotic and is being mean and is clubbing you over the head with whatever he can. He's being controlling and mean because he can now. He has something on you and he is using it. He is sticking his finger in your open wound and twisting it around.
This must stop or he will make you mad enough at him that you could do the very thing he is worried you have.
At this point I'd say it's not just you that should be going to counseling. You both need to. Together. Or this relationship is headed downhill at a high rate of speed.
2006-12-27 17:02:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not everyone lies. My husband and I are 100% truthful with each other no matter what! If you are lieing to each other you have NOTHING! Trust is the foundation of a marriage or any relationship. Without trust, you have absolutely nothing to hang onto.
Remember, trust is earned, not freely given and it takes time and proof to earn it back.
2006-12-27 16:50:10 · answer #7 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust always takes time. If you lie for a little bit you are untrustworthy and it is really up to your spouse to make that decision. If you want to rebuild then be totally brutally honest with your husband and then over time it will happen, but you must have his reciprocate as well.
2006-12-27 16:52:32 · answer #8 · answered by goldenfir 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's like I told may soon to be ex-wife " I can forgive nearly anything,but.....as much as I may want to I can never forget!" If the trust is gone then what is left?
2006-12-27 17:34:15 · answer #9 · answered by chosen37 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldnt have lied in the first place, there will never be total trust again, unless you are very lucky!
2006-12-27 16:50:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋