and I have never cheated nor have I lied about cheating...he says since I lied before how can he trust me now and he searches my phone, notebooks and private things I guess I dont mind cause Im being honest but does anyone know how I can handle this or prove my innocence once and for all? Will he ever trust me? Not to mention I am in councling and working to be a better person so I never make a mistake like that again...anyone help??
2006-12-27 08:32:40 · 17 answers · asked by liyah's mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How do I know that this question is not a lie?
2006-12-27 08:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sucks, when you lie, it's hard to make up for it. Even in this case. What reason does he have to call you a cheater other than "You lied to me before, how can I trust you now?" thing? He's searching through your private things, has he found any names worth thinking that you're cheating on him? If he has, introduce him to the person. If he hasn't, then maybe you both need to be a little more open to each other. Talk about how your day has been or even what you were told during counseling. The more you talk to each other creates a more open relationship then a suspicious one.
2006-12-27 08:45:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're being honest about the cheating, and he is doing what you say he is, than he is either "punishing" you or he is neurotically insecure. He's probably been thinking you've been cheating on him since you first met, but now he has reason to confirm it. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove itself valid. It wouldn't matter what you did or didn't do, he'd still be insecure and jealous. This is his problem. You work on yours and he needs to work on his.
In the meantime, If I was there I'd tell him to stop going through your stuff because if you are cheating on him or not, what difference is going through it going to make? None. He needs to stop invading the little privacy you have as a married couple and get a handle on himself. All that's going to happen is you're going to resent him.
"The jealous bring down the curse the fear most upon their own heads." ~ Dorthy Dix
If this continues, you could cheat on him because you'll get tired of his crap and start disliking him.
"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves." ~ William Penn
"Jealousy, the dragon that slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive." ~ Havelock Ellis
This he has to realize. Eventually his "distrusting" is going to really get to you and you are going to say "enough!" and he will be the one sucking-up to you.
2006-12-27 08:47:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he doesn't trust you... and has good reason not too. Take him to counselling too, and work through this together. Do not look for a magic "I'm sorry" to fix everything, because that is not how it works. Trust has to be earned, and once doubted, takes a long time to fix. You are in for the long haul, and this won't be easy for either of you.
2006-12-27 08:39:13 · answer #4 · answered by shaclare 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is hurting. Since you have lied to him in the past, anything that you do now are in the future he will be looking out for any thing unusual. The slightest thing you do or say will trigger him off to accuse you of lying to him.
Its very sad, i hope you are able to win back his trust.
2006-12-27 08:57:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just put up with it for now. From my understanding you put yourself in that situation, so i guess this is part of the process of forgiveness. It's going to take sometime for him to trust you again. The only thing you can do is reassure him that you won't cheat on him.Good luck.
2006-12-27 08:36:49 · answer #6 · answered by purehell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When trying to gain back someone's trust, it takes time. He might not believe you now, but over time as you stay honest with him and show your love, he will heal and start to trust you once again. Also, you can always surprise him with more "marital relations", that will help as well.
2006-12-27 08:39:06 · answer #7 · answered by goldenfir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give it time. Over time, you will prove yourself. Let your past be your past. You don't have to air dirty laundry. Don't lie in the future and you won't feel guilty. If you have to lie, you shouldn't be doing the things you are lying about. And good grief, don't fess up on past transgressions. There is no need.
2006-12-27 09:12:40 · answer #8 · answered by ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You' ll have to earn his trust back. Right now, he's hurt & angry but give him time & he should come around. Don't lie to him about anything else & always be where & with whom you say you are, in other words be honest not sneaky. It isn't going to be easy but you'll have to stick it out if you love him.
2006-12-27 08:42:11 · answer #9 · answered by wanda3s48 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU created the fear and insecurity. Now live with it. I wont lie to my husband.
Good luck. Yes people change but the results of our actions can take a lifetime to get away from.. This is a perfect example.
2006-12-27 08:44:55 · answer #10 · answered by SunValleyLife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's hurt, it was good that you admitted the lies, but he's hurt and his trust has been broken. If your marriage is going to survive it will take time for him to regain that trust. It's good that your in counceling. But show him that he can trust you again, don't tell him, show him.
2006-12-27 08:35:59 · answer #11 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋