I'm getting a divorce, my husband wants every other week with my daughter?????

Question

I dont know what to do, I cant afford a lawyer, we arent divorced yet, but will be soon, and he wants to have shared custody with my 2 year old daughter. He wants it so he has her every other week, which i think is rediculous. I think that will confuse her and mess with her head too much. Any ideas about that or other arrangements on visitation?

Answer 1

I think its great that he wants to be with his daughter but your right it will confuse her. How about you sit down and try and talk about what is best for her. If she has 2 people that care about her and aren't fighting over her will make it so much easier. I am sure you can figure something out. Like every weekend or every other weekend plus one during the week or something along that line. God Bless

Answer 2

The fact that you are getting divorced, the damage is already done. Then again, she's only 2 years old. It's not like she's 14. That aside, every other week seems fair. IF you were both interested in the child's welfare, you'd stay together because your lives are not important, your child's life is more important than both of you. I'm not vilifying either of you solo, but i'm not absolving either of you also. The courts will look at your sittuations financially and then decide on the child's best interest. That later statement is bad, but when the parents divorce, the government then steps in.
Realistically, who has the best sittuation to raise the child?! You will both have opportunity to state your case for custody. Money is important, but so is the time to be a parent. You may want to sit down and discuss this with the father, without a lawyer. If the two of you can be realistic, and take the child's interests over your own, you may have a solution that the lawyers can word out. Explain that the more you two fight, the more costly this is going to be. He may have an idea that with more custody comes less palimony. inform him that this is not the case. He's going to have to pay and still be a parent. Both of you should have opportunity to be in the child's life. I hope that you both can put your differences asside and be civil in deciding your daughter's fate.

Answer 3

Your daughter is in her very tender ages. She will need you more. It's by nature. You're her mother.

I dont' know the distance (travel wise) between you and your ex. I would suggest that your ex will see her every other weekend (no overnights). In addtion, he should visit her on a Wednesday for dinner (during the week that he doesn't have her on the weekend). First, you need to find out if your daughter will have her own room at your ex's. Once your daughter is used to this pattern (say for about 3 months), then you can try to see how she adjusts spending the night on the weekend. You need a step up program. You don't want to tramatize your child.

It may be possible that he's asking that he has the daughter every other week so that he pays less in child support. The more time he's with her, the less child support he pays. And vice versa....the less time he's with her, the more support he pays.

In regards to an attorney, you have a few options.
1) You can act as your attorney.
2) Inquire with Social Services and see if they may have someone who can do a pro-bono (free service) or check with a Paralegal service whom are cheaper than an attorney.
3) See if a family member can help you out and then pay them back in monthly installments.

If you and your ex (without his attorney) can work it out together, then you won't have to go to court and incurr expenses. However, if neither you too agree, you will first enter into mediation. The mediator will try to write things up on what you too both agree. If you still do not agree, then it goes to the court when the judge decides.

I'm not sure what state you're in; but in the state of California (Los Angeles county), it's in the best interest of the child is what matters. The court should know that 2 years old is a very tender age. Based on your ex's schedule, I don't think he's thinking of the your girl. Again, a step up visitation program needs to be assessed. Good luck.

Answer 4

So? Just because you don't want him anymore doesn't mean your daughter doesn't love him very much. I think that is a wonderful idea for you two to share custody. She should grow up to know that BOTH parent wanted her very much.... not that Daddy wanted her but Mommy made sure that wouldn't happen. Unless he is an awful person who would harm her, he has that right. Someone else said she is not your "property".... she is a child.... that is so right. I enjoy the weekends my kids go to their father's. He works all week driving truck but knows that if he blows through town, he can stop and visit, sit with our family and have dinner any time... he has even taken the top bunk in my son's room for the night instead of sleeping in his tractor trailer. He and my husband have a beer, shoot the breeze and the kids are very at ease with all this. My husband's ex-wife and I have the same relationship. I am very liberal with visitation. I don't own my kids and his support is not payment so he can see them. This is what is best for the kids....

You need to remember this custody issue is NOT about you.... it is about an innocent 2 year old girl who did NOT sign up for this.

Answer 5

I suggest that the both of you look into a parent coordinator to set up a co-parenting plan that will work for all parties. Because your relationship as husband and wife might not workout doesn't mean that the parent-child relationship falls apart. You guys are parents forever! As your daughter grows up times will change and you can't be so rigid with time schedules. The best thing to do is come in with a shared parenting plan that gives each of you the best possible time with your daughter. Lets face it that the better you can co-parent with each other the easier it will be for your daughter's sake and she will thank you in the long run. Remember your daughter has the right to love both of you. Don't drag her into your relationship issues never bad mouth the other parent or use her as a spy or a go between. Good Luck

Answer 6

Most judges frown on granting joint physical custody and it is hardly ever done anymore. ( It was "popular" there for a while). Most lawyers will tell you it rarely works and the couple ends up back in court within a few years if not months. I think the fact that your daughter is so young would make it extremely unlikely that the judge would agree to this. Research shows it is extremely difficult on the child. You must get a lawyer. If you live near a larger city or a university, you likely have a legal aid clinic in your vicinity that will charge according to your income.Look in your local phone directory. If not, call some lawyers in your town who specialize in family law and ask if they will take your case on a reduced fee basis. Unless you have a lot of property to dispose of, it shouldn't be too costly. PLEASE get a lawyer to protect your rights and the rights of your child. This is a decision that will affect the rest of her life .

Answer 7

Unless he's abusive or neglectful, then there is no reason in the world a court will not allow this type of arrangement to take place, especially if the two of you live in close proximatey and your daughter will be going to the local school when she reaches that age. The reason is not to be mean, it's to maintain the same relationship the child had with each parent prior to the divorce. So if they were close and have a strong bond, you , as well as the courts should try and maintain that. I know it's hard now, but honey, now that you've brought a child into this world, this situation isn't about you. You had your chance and it failed. This time, is about your daughter and keeping her life as stable as possible, even if that means sharing her equally.

Answer 8

Actually there is nothing wrong with sharing custody. Your daughter is two and this could benefit her very much. However, it will be difficult when she starts school and you are not in the same state. I would remind my ex of this so you two can come up with a firm agreement while trying to figure out visitation. If you don't want to share custody with your husband, then you will need to file the court in your area. The court will appoint and attorney to you and you won't have to pay. Good luck.

Answer 9

Unfortunately his request is not that insane. A lot of parents have shared custody of their children. however the most common is every other weekEND. In a young child like this it is not going to hurt her in any way to be with her father every other week. Infact she will be healthier in the long run for her to know her father. You could do, Every other weekend .. . As she gets older and in school, you can do Everyother weekend then 2 weeks a month in the summer and alternate Holidays. He wants to see her. And as he should be allowed to. No court is going to hold him from seeing his daughter,, even under a supervision.
Just a suggestion. GL

Answer 10

Every other weekend is not enough time with her father. A child needs a father in it's life. She is just as much yours as she is his. To separate a child from her father is wrong. I agreed with my partner, if we had children and something happened, we would share the child half/half. either 3/4days a week or every other week. Our friends have a situation like that, and the 3/4 day thing works. Their daughter is 4 now, and they have been doing this for 3 years. She is fine, she is a wonderful little girl!

The only way a child shouldn't see their father is if he is a drunk or abusive. Then, I wouldn't allow any unsupervised visitation rights. BUT the same goes for me, if I were a dunk or abusive... I wouldn't get to see my baby unsupervised until I proved my ways!

Answer 11

Well, in all honesty, that is the fair way to do things. If the man loves his daughter and is a good father, there is no reason why she shouldn't be with him just as much as she is with you. I wish my children had fathers that cared so much. As long as it is a consistent thing, it can't be anything but positive for her with all that is about to happen in her life. Do you really think it would be good for her to only see him on the weekends or every other weekend? Put yourself in his shoes.....if he got custody of her, would you only want her a couple days out of the month. The custody issue should be the least of your concerns when it comes to your daughter being confused. She is young enough that she will adapt to it quickly, but just the fact that you two are not both going to be around her everyday is going to confuse and hurt her. Allow the man to have his daughter every other week, a child needs both parents in their life, providing that each parent is fit to be a parent. If there are no concerns of abuse, it is his right to have her just as much as you do.