The gentelman I am about to marry confides in his uncle about things & our relationship. They even talk about intimate stuff. When we first started dating he would always talk to his uncle about our relationship. If he received calls from his uncle when I was around he would go somewhere else to talk to him. Or when he goes to visit his uncle he wouldn't take me along (only sometimes he does). He is going to visit his uncle again sometimes this week. And I don't feel good about it. I discuss everything with him & don't talk to my relatives about our relationship. At the beginning of our relationship his side of the family didn't think I was suitable for him because he would discuss our relationship with them. Now they have accepted me & welcomed me into their lives. But some part of me is affraid that his uncle might make him change his mind about me. But we are in love & our wedding is going as planned. Am I getting paranoid or do people confide in their family only?
2006-12-27 06:45:04 · 17 answers · asked by Lucy L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe his uncle isn't telling him negative things about you. I mean you said the family has welcomed you in , right? My fiance confides in his sister more than anyone else and it drives me crazy because I am not a part of it. So therefore she only hears his side and not mine. Is that how you feel as well? I can relate all too well. Have you told your fiance how this makes you feel? You need to tell him and then tell him he needs to take you with and make it a FAMILY talk so the uncle can hear both sides and give both you advice.
2006-12-27 06:51:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that everything is still moving forward should tell you that the uncle he confides in approves of you. Men have a hard time discussing some things, even with their significant other. It is good that he has someone that he can have these discussions with who has his best interest at heart. Don't worry about this or try to discourage it. Apparently this is something he needs and it will benefit you in the long run. His uncle has been there his entire life to build the trust that he needs to be able to share his feelings, or concerns. That will come for you, if you give it the time.
Let him know that you want to be that person in whom he confides, but that you are glad that he feels that closeness and confidence in his uncle. Let him know that there is nothing that he can't share with you, but that you won't push him. He will slowly realize that you are the person he is closest to and he will open up more and more
2006-12-27 06:50:42 · answer #2 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband tells pretty much everything to his brother and I am the same with my mom. We need people to talk too he is probably just bouncing ideas off of him. In the end it won't make what anyone thinks or says if he truly loves you. My husband family has done some really shady stuff to trying to set him on a date when we have had marriage thinking he would Lear me or not allowing me to come to thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. At the beginning of the relationship is was very hard and came between us and it wasn't until we hit dead bottom before we saw it. Now we have been married 6 years in March and are marriage so stronger than ever. You just have to build trust. Good luck
2006-12-27 06:58:53 · answer #3 · answered by Marina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one of the biggest mistakes a person can make if they are married. It is not right to tell your family or friends about things that are going on in your marriage. If he can't respect the right to keep the intimate details of your relationship to himself then you need address this with him. Tell that you do not appreciate him talking to his uncle about the intimate details of your relationship. Before my wife and I got married my pastor said that what goes on in our relationship is our business and that if there were any problems we talk to each other before seeking advice from anyone else. Now if there is a problem and he can't discuss it with you first, then you need think again whether this is someone you want in your life.
2006-12-27 07:14:04 · answer #4 · answered by kingjames1906 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
every person has someone they talk to. ALWAYS. it may not be a family member or even a close friend. but at some point you will share intimate details about your b/f with SOMEONE. and he chose his uncle. my husband has a friend that he tells everything to. no biggie. sometimes people need a 3rd party opinion to set us straight about something. think of the uncle as a mature person that might be able to steer your b/f in making the right decisions.
2006-12-27 07:01:52 · answer #5 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You worry too much. If you want your man to stop confiding in others, make yourself available for him to confide in you.
When men are having problems, they tell things to relatives, friends, co-workers, and anyone else who'll listen. They do this because they can't talk to their wives. Wives become emotional and don't want to hear anything contrary to what they think.
If you don't want you business put on the street, start developing the kind of relationship that allows you and your husband to discuss problems openly. Don't clam up every time you hear something you don't like. Communicate with your man and he'll stop communicating with others.
2006-12-27 07:08:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is very common for spuses to confide in there family about there relationship. It is not always good though. I would sugest being honest with you man and telling him that there are some things that should remain between the two of you. also ask him to take you along more so you dont feel left out. If he truly cares about you he will be honest with you and hopefully open up.
2006-12-27 06:55:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband confides in my mother sometimes simply because she is around and his family lives far away. I think that it is ok as long as he is not shutting you out and closing down your lines of communication. I do think that you could talk to him about it and tell him your concerns and that will maybe put your mind at ease. Good luck with the wedding and congratulations.
2006-12-27 06:59:07 · answer #8 · answered by Love2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I confide in my husband not family members. If you have problems with this you need to speak up. This is who you are going to marry can you spend the rest of your life feeling this way?
2006-12-27 06:50:03 · answer #9 · answered by sassssy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a grown man and should be able to make a descsion without consulting his uncle. I would be concerend about this if I were you. You would be smart to assume this will only get worse when you guys are married.
2006-12-27 06:49:44 · answer #10 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋