My 20 weeks scan is next week and I really want to find out the sex. Its not so as I can but pink/blue clothes etc, but because Im not really bonding with this baby as of yet due to having a difficult pregnancy, and I feel that if I knew the sex and could stop calling it "it", it would help me bond, which I am desperate to do. However, my partner doesn't want to know the sex and his family keep making comments about "doing it the old fashioned way" and "shouldn't be finding out the sex" etc. I may be oversensitive but its beginnig to upset me and I feel like im doing something wrong and being ganged up on. I feel like, although it is both our baby, i am the one carrying it, suffering badly for it and I should be able to know if i want, without being accused of being selfish! Has anyone else had a similar experience?
2006-12-27 06:34:01 · 34 answers · asked by Serry's mum 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Your darn right! If you want to find out, you tell that tech you want to know! It's not their business or problem what they think. Plus, it only gets worse with the in-law family (just so ya know)! My mother in law even says with all the new stuff these days babies barely need parents (she's talking about swings, bouncers, car seats and stuff....nice!) I am a bad mother because I don't breastfeed, because she wears shoes (don't get it, but yep!), because she only weighs 22 lbs at 14 months (even though doctor says she's perfectly healthy!) and about 100 other things! Stand up for yourself now and tell them....it's OUR baby and if I want to find out I will! Tell them if they want to wait to find out, you won't tell them until after it's born! Good Luck!!
2006-12-27 06:42:59 · answer #1 · answered by angie_laffin927 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that if you can keep a secret, asking the tech to tell you privately is a good idea. If, however, you think it possible that you might "blurt it out" in a moment of anger or one of those emotional episodes that pregnant ladies have - then maybe this would be an alternative solution to the "it" problem of not bonding..
When my daughter was born, we didn't have the technology to tell the baby's gender so early on. I was sooo wanting a baby girl, but my hubby's family has all boys in it and I was not wanting to get my hopes up. So we came up with a "fetal nickname" - the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat, the baby was called "Thumper".
Since we had a name, even though it wasn't the name that baby would spend the rest of life using, the fetus became more "real" and "individual".
Several friends also used this method -They've had a "Tigger", a "Poohbear" and a "Snuggledumpling".
2006-12-27 06:52:12 · answer #2 · answered by sewmouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
show your partner your Yahoo Answers question. It might be difficult to speak up on how you feel about this, but if he reads this it will be easier for him to understand you and to accept your arguments. You really should discuss it with him because if you try to know the sex without him knowing you won't be able to call your baby a he or a she when he is around (and you would have to be always paying attention to any unwanted slip of the tongue). Plus if he finds out he could be very upset, he could even feel somehow cheated of his parenthood. The decision to find out (or not) the sex of your baby must have to come from both of you.
2006-12-27 06:49:52 · answer #3 · answered by Loussaille 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people these days find out the sex of the child just for financial reasons and so they can work on picking out a name. You can always call your Doc ahead of time, tell him/her that YOU want to know, but no one else does, then just keep it a secret between you and your Doc. All of my friends who are having or recently had babies found out the sex before hand. Personally, I wouldn't want to know, I would call my baby "Schmoopie" and wait to be surprised. Either way is appropriate these days, dint' let anyone upset you. You will find out in a few months anyway, so you might as well know now so you can plan. Congrats on your baby.
2006-12-27 06:48:35 · answer #4 · answered by ihave5katz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could let your Doctor know that you want to know what sex the baby is and that your partner does not. And ask him to tell you what sex it is without your partner in the room. Maybe if your partner knows that you know he will want to know as well. I had a friend that had the same situation and it killed her husband to know after she knew. It is your body and both yours and your partners baby. I know that it is hard when you want to do what he wishes. Just do what you think is best. I feel that no matter what you decide to do it will work out for the best :). Good luck.
2006-12-27 06:49:48 · answer #5 · answered by Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did not care whether I knew or not but my mom and even my doctor encouraged me to wait and be surprised- so I just went along with them because I did not feel I had a voice at the time. I think you have very valid reasons for wanting to know the sex of the baby.
Discuss these reasons ALONE with oyur partner and leave his parents and your parents OUT- If you decide to find out you dont have to tell them what you found out- they can be surprised at the time of the birth and if they do find out - so what! Not to sound crass but this is your child- stand up now or they will be interfereing all of your life about how to discipline, how to educate, etc etc. Say, respectfully- you did things this way with oyur children and I am glad for oyu- this is what I want for MY child, short of abuse, please, I am not asking you to agree- just respect my decision- end of discussion- you are the parent- period! You are accointable to God alone for your decisions. Personally, I think it is silly- you are going to be surprised when you find out next week or surprised at birth- it makes no difference - so if you want to find out now - go for it- it is not going to ruin anything- and if it helps give you comfort and peace during the pregnancy , all the better- there is nothing wrong with knowing now!
My first was a difficult pregnancy so I understand how you are feeling- I pray that all goes well for you and your new little one!
2006-12-27 06:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should find out he sex of the baby if that's what you want.... and keep it to yourself since he and his family don't want to know.
Some people do have trouble bonding with the baby. I knew a very troubled young girl who was pregnant. She couldn't come to grips with being pregnant or see the baby as a person, until they told her the sex of the baby.... AND she picked out a name to call him. When he had a name.... she changed miraculously!
You and your partner should choose a name for each sex. You will know which one of course if you know the sex. hehehe He'll just have to wait and find out.
You were right about not wanting the baby to be an "it" to you. It will help you feel closer. I also suggest you talk and sing to the baby.... even read children's books out loud to the baby. They do hear your voice, Mommy.... and it is soothing to the little one in the womb. He or she will already know your voice when he or she is born.
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-12-27 06:43:37 · answer #7 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I are debating about that too.
It is an entirely personal choice. If you think you could have the answer and not tell anybody, do that. It won't ruin the surprise for the others and you and your baby would share a secret.
Do what YOU feel is right for YOU. You need piece of mind.
Also, don't worry about the bonding, that'll happen the first time you hold your child. You'll forgive them for putting you through so much.
Congrats and good luck!
2006-12-27 06:41:29 · answer #8 · answered by sheldwyn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what you BOTH decide is best to do. Give things some time for bonding- sometimes bonding doesnt happen until much much later when you can feel the baby moving all the time and it's also perfectly normal for bonding to not happen until a few days after delivery!
2006-12-27 06:39:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to know (and you can keep a secret well) then why don't you have your significant other leave the room while the doctor checks out the genital area? You just have to make sure that you keep your mouth shut to the father that doesn't want to know.
It is a personal choice and my husband & I both want to find out, we catch a lot of comments from others saying we should be suprised with what we get.
Further more, when the doctor does do the scan there is no guarentee that "it" will cooperate and give you the shot!
I would sit down with your partner and explain what yo're feeling to them and why this is so important to you. But, please don't forget... you are carrying the baby and going though all the pains but many significant othersare affected by your pregnancy as well, weight gain, mood swings, etc. so I do not believe it is fair of you to say you should get to find out just because you are carrying it. Don't use your pregnancy as a weapon please.
I wish you all the best & congratulations on your baby!
2006-12-27 06:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by kista_1 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
If you want to know and your partner doens't you can have the person doing the scan to tell you and no one else, that way you can know to help you bond, and your partner will still be suprised when she/he is born. You may get lucky and the baby will position itself just right at the scan so you don't have to be told but you will both know.
Good Luck with your little one and I hope your pregnancy goes smoother when you find out!
2006-12-27 06:38:27 · answer #11 · answered by pitas4 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋