What are your techniques for handling your anger in the best possible way?

Question

How do you handle it when you're really mad at someone, so much that your heart pounds, etc, and you'd like nothing more than to tell them off, but know the best thing is to cool off. Of if ou're trying to reason with someone who keeps talking over you, loudly?

Answer 1

I tell myself over and over that what I say in anger can't be taken back.

Also, you can get through to a person more if you remain kind. Anger begets anger. A kind word can often cool an agitated person down and they'll be able to see how silly THEY are behaving.

However, if you act in anger yourself then it gives the OTHER person motivation to return the favor.

Also, think back to a time when you did blow up on someone, you have to carry that guilt around with you for awhile.

Answer 2

Personally, I see it along the lines of a game. Basically a chess game between me and the person who is messing with me. Once seen as that, I see the need to maintain a cool head, which is an advantage for me in this contest. You never give up an advantage if you are trying to win.

I'll attack, the occasional cutdown or off-the-wall reasoning (that is still within the realm of logic) to tick them off. If you can catch them off guard (the point of the game I'm playing by this time), and you tick them off; it can be quite fun after that. The idea is to calmly hit them with so may off the wall remarks and cutdowns that keep them off balance (which only angers them more and takes the anger out of you) they leave you alone. Or they learn to laugh along and then your friends again. In fact, I've made quite a few friends this way.

But you must be careful doing this, too far and you've got more problems. They may take it the wrong way, but it is the most effective way to end the problem if you know what you are doing and know when to stop (or when to apologize).

Answer 3

That is a tough one as the situation has gone critical. In a critical situation we tend to react with one of two things... fight or flee. We are hard-wired to react that way. Fight would be raise your voice and argue back or escalate. Flee is to ignore, withdraw, become preoccupied with something else. What do you do, when a conversation goes critical (person raises their voice) or your heart starts to pound (vision narrows, breathing changes, or anything like that)... realize you are going into fight/flee mode and take a short breathe and address the emotion. If someone is talking over you or loudly, then address that with them. You can say, I want you to know I'm concerned and I can't help but notice that you are raising your voice to me or you keep interrupting my point so I'm thinking that you are not paying attention to me so that offends me. I want to understand your point of view and I want you to understand mine....

There is a book and a seminar called crucial conversations, there is an article in men's health magazine, and such as well that addresses this very same issue.
The main thing is address the emotion not just the issue.

Answer 4

That's a good question. There is a particular individual that occasionally makes me so mad that I just want to inflict bodily harm on them, they never accept their own mistakes and flaws and blame everything on me; just arguing with this person evolves into a yelling match. To keep from doing something I'll regret later on, I tend to leave the room or house and find something to do that will get my mind off them; cleaning the kitchen is good therapy for me.

As for someone who talks over you, I encounter someone like that at work occasionally. If I really have to engage in discussion with this person and they start to talk over me, I tell them bluntly, "I'm talking now, you wait until I'm done!". You have to set the boundaries and make them clear, otherwise they will continue to talk over you to force their argument on you.

So my advice to you is to know when it's time to leave, find some activity that will keep your mind & hands active and help you cool down. Also, stand your ground when facing off with someone overbearing and let them know, clearly & bluntly, where the boundaries are and how they should conduct themselves. If they don't want to respect your boundaries, then they're not important enough to speak to; walk away. Good luck, I hope this helps!!

Answer 5

1. Walk away calmly. As my mother used to say, "Never let them see you sweat". If you don't fuel their arguments, they cannot feel empowered. Second, get by yourself and count to ten. Breathe into a paper bag (just three times) if necessary. Think about something else - anything pleasant. Do you have a pet? If you can, get to him/her and pet him/her or play with them. If you can't get to them, imagine yourself petting or playing with them. If you're not a "pet person" do the same with a spouse or significant other, or your family. Cuddling is the cure for everything. Last resort, lock your door and cuddle with a stuffed animal (a "woogie" works wonders, believe me. Forget if it seems childish, its good for the soul). Take a long walk in the sunshine and breathe the fresh air, and sing a song, even if its only in your head. Pretty soon you'll forget what you were even angry about... and keep it that way. Anger only aggravates you. The other person is "getting off" on getting your goat. Another one of my mother's famous sayings: "Love your enemy. It'll drive him crazy!!!!"

Answer 6

Hi,
Anger is an important emotion that you can't "turn off". It's the behaviour you want to control, so it's really "angery behaviour control".

Some techniques:
1. "counting". You count down from 100 to 0.
2. "relaxation" where you breath in through your nose and out of your mouth.
3. "walking" either walk away from the situation or do physical excercise to get rid of your angry feelings and prevent them from brewing in you.

I hope that gives you some ideas.

Answer 7

i tend to let it flow, if i am that angry! and someone talking over you i get acalm voice verymean calm voice and just tear them to shreds w/ any and all of their shortcomings, sometimes w/ a big mean smile, then sometimes hit em! but my words usually hit harder than my fists. have made grown men cry.
now i dont like to be like that, but that is what happens when i get really mad.
to try and curb my anger i try to remind myself to just walk away, or just to not even argue about it at that time.

Answer 8

Walk away. anything said or done at this point will only spiral the situation even more out of control and completely out of context...

let things cool then try to reapproach - or wait til they do. everything always eventually works out.

Answer 9

Ignore.
Get away as fast as you can.
Punch pillow in private.
Take deep breath.
Return.
Talk politely.
Repeat if necessary.

Telling them off won't get you a thing. You'll only be wasting energy, believe me.

Answer 10

Being too much the pacifist can be bad. Letting somebody walk over you is bad because it buids up and you can let it out inapropriatly towards an innocent person.