confused and saddended?

Question

im seeing a married man for a year , his wife has ms...
he say over and over he loves me , i believe he does , but i cant see wot the furure hol.. it brought it home to me over xmas , im really the other woman we see each other 4/5 times a week and always make luv and call and tex all the time .. any response on what to do or keep it as it is

Answer 1

No matter how selfish you have been over this, by carrying on with a man who has vowed his life to protect the woman he will marry, until death do part them, it is in a way nice of you to actually ''bring home'' to you that you really are the ''other woman''.

It is sad, you are the ''other woman'', and I rather tell you something that you wont like, than console you by saying something you'd luv to hear. Have you ever, ever, thought, if you were in that woman's place, how it would feel if someone you love, someone only meant for you, strays, just because you do have some sickness, disease or whatever ? Since you could sit back and think, I am sure you could actually visualize the whole thing in your mind. You could even help yourself by understanding the pain by just looking at the symptoms of MS. Honestly I did not get you when you said 'ms', I looked up, and I was really sad for you, for this man, and most of all the wife.

This relationship would not last long. He tells you over and over again that he loves you, which should actually give you the message that he never loved his wife, specially now that she has MS, how can he just throw her away ? There are relationships sometimes, extra-marital, some very difficult situations in life where you can really explain or name the relationship, but there is something that two people share, some thing that cant be explained, and it could be so nice, that he had actually loved you without even saying it, and probably have a ''platonic'' relationship, where he as any human being, leans on you for some comfort and love. But here, he 'says' he loves you, he has physical relationship wiht you, and texts you all the time. So where do you think his wife stands ? Do you really respect a man who cannot keep his promises to someone who is suffering, and that someone who is his wife ? Ask that to yourself over and over again. That woman (his wife) is hurt, and in pain, do your really wish to celebrate your life with someone she may have shared her whole life with ?

Make a difference. Change the whole thing, and take some decision this new year. You have your whole life. Let his sort out his problems, and do not allow anyone to ''love'' you, if they really cannot mean ''love' as a committment to you. It would only get uglier and uglier. The more you are involved, once all the romance dies, you would certainly remember how this man cheated his own wife, specially at a time she needed him the most. And no matter howmuch you say it wont, the foundation of your whole relationship is shakey. It would come in sooner or later, that, the fact is, he let go of something he was responsible for. I would have had some respect for him, cos' c'mon, he may have been frustrated or missing something in lfie, but somehow, from the sound of it, I donno why I feel this person would never be the right one for you. And then I really do appreciate that you did take time to think about it. So you arent so hard hearted yourself. I am sure, you are a sensitive, intelligent humanbeing, and take your decisions before its too late.

Let this new year be a good beginning for you. Change, before its too late. Take a few resolutions, pray for this mans' wife, and keep away, so that this woman goes thru this pain lesser than it would be, if you had been around.

good luck

Answer 2

Love may seem the answer to all your problems at this time but has he ever confided what he thinks about his own marriage. This is your own life, in case he has not gone ahead and initiated separation from his wife, i guess you are being taken for a ride. This is not a very easy thing to answer, you are with him so u must be knowing him intimately but ask yourself whether you want this arragement to go on that is a no strings attached one. One question you have to ask yourself is at end of day if he suddenly decides that he is no longer interested in u what would be ur emotional situation, do u love him or is this a physical attraction angle only. What you can do is stop making love a few times you meet him, if he actually is serious about you or loves you this should not make any difference otherwise you have ur answer

Answer 3

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

I think you are playing with fire. First of all you are the one going to lose everything and that man is going to make everything of you. You need to understand life and society has too many parameters that are needed to be fulfilled for living. You are not living in a jungle. You are not only spoiling your life but also of some one whom you are going to marry. Are you going to tell him that you had a previous relationship with some one before marrying? Your life will become hell. Please awake now and become aware of your life and circumstances and do not allow others to just use you for their desires and mean happiness. I do not know how old you are but if you have even 20 years of life left you will be moving each day towards the hell. First of all the man who is showing you love is not loving you but has only his vested interest in you, you tell him to love you and keep the relationship but will not indulge in any physical relationship. I am sure he will take a sharp u turn from your life. Insist on settling your life as his life is already settled. I think I would say only this much at this time. In case you need any counselling please contact [e-mail].
Wish you Best of Luck
Forget the whole episode as a nightmare and when you wake up tomorrow morning get a New Life

Answer 4

Get over it lady. Quit being so selfish, find a guy that is single. He probably doesn't love you, it's probably just lust. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would of left his wife a year ago when you first met. He's just using you to relieve his stresses, Don't let him do it too you anymore. You're probably a good person despite the fact you got involved with a married man. You can't always get what you want. Move on, you'll always be the other woman in this situation. Do what's right for you, which is not being taken advantage of.

Answer 5

You are not the other woman, you are just a receptacle foe his lust. Want proof? Well try this…tell him that he can continue to meet you 4/5 times a week and all that but there will be no more ‘making love.’ Tell him that you have decided to save the sex part for when he makes you his. Strictly adhere to this no sex rule and see how soon he will disappear from your life…go ahead try it out what have you got to lose? Really June, how stupid can you be? The guy is cheating on a sick wife…what on earth makes you think that he will remain faithful to you? Don’t you feel anything for his wife at all? Anyway try my experiment, maybe that will open your eyes.

Answer 6

For relationships of this kind, the future is ALWAYS bleak. The fact that he is , ms or not, should wake you up from your stupor. Do you want to be a "mistress" in your - supposed to be - salad days? Get out of there and look for someone who could love you fully and without constraints and experience the wonderful ecstasy that only an unmarried man love could offer. I am sure with your good qualities, you will find him perhaps just round the bend waiting for you.

Answer 7

Wow, what a sad situation. But I'll save the sermon.

As far as what the future holds, I'd say that unless he's an absolute heartless pill, he'll stay with his ill wife until she dies. That may not be for many, many years, as MS patients can live for a long time after diagnosis, and experience periods of remission, like cancer. So I doubt he'll be "all yours" until that happens.

The only other thing I'll say is that conventional wisdom tells us that someone who will cheat *with* you will cheat *on* you, so even if your relationship comes to fruition, I don't know what you can expect.

Answer 8

You need to have more self respect for yourself. By seeing a married man shows otherwise. He is married and had a wife with disabilities. You need to sit and put yourself in her shoes and see how it makes you feel. Let him make his decission about his wife on his own without you complicating it. Go find yourself a good man that is NOT married for petes sake. If he did leave his wife for you, can you live with the gult? And if he did and you both got toegether how do you know one day he will not do the same thing to you? You may not feel guilty now but you would. Trust me.

Answer 9

So his wife has a fatal disease and you are sad because he won't leave her to be with you? Are you an animal? This has to be one of the most selfish questions I have ever read on these boards. You need to just leave him alone and let him tend to his sick wife. If God chooses to take her one day, THEN and ONLY then will he be on the market. If you choose to stay in this relationship with him and he chooses to stay with you, stop your stupid whining about how you feel like you are not his first priority. HE IS MARRIED and you shouldn't even be IN his life as a second priority, let alone the first priority. Go find your own man and leave this poor woman's husband alone.

BTW.....you are just a piece of a s s to him. His wife can't do that for him, so he is getting it from you. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Answer 10

It's never wise to see a married man and if his wife (whom he loves) is sick he wont leave her for you and MS will debilitate her not kill her so he may be with her for a very long time to come yet. Maybe out of guilt as well as love. Leave before your the one on the hurting end of this relationship. There's enough men out there you can choose the one that will love you only. :)