my ex cheated on me last year,but we decided to give it another go,it didn't work out,and towards the end we were more like friends than husband and wife, so we split again 3 months ago and i have filed for divorce.He's since admitted to another woman last year besides the one i already know about,and i have reason to believe he was sleeping with someone else just before we split.He is still seeing her and my ex has already introduced our son to her,which bothers me a bit.But despite all that we have remained quite friendly,and when he comes to pick up our son for the weekend i often invite him in for a cuppa,and we talk on the phone quite a lot as well.All my friends think i should be angrier and that i should hate him,but i don't hate him,and i'm really not sure if i love him anymore either.i do care about him,but i guess that's only natural after 10 years together.is this normal? am in denial? will i suddenly wake up one day and feel angry?
2006-12-27 06:05:11 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You feel as you feel. You don't have to get angry if that's not how you feel. In fact, for the sake of your son, it's better that you don't. You say yourself that you were more like friends than husband and wife; and if you can stay on friendly terms then that is good news for your son.
Anger and resentment are destructive emotions. You should remind your friends that this man is the father of your son, part of your family's life and that if they want to show you support then they can best do this by not hating him or criticising you. You need to tell them that it's not that you don't care, but that this is how you handle it.
You sound like a strong woman and a good mother and you should be proud of yourself. I hope you meet a lovely man who appreciates you!
Good luck
2006-12-30 19:43:11 · answer #1 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's natural to feel upset about this situation. However being or staying angry will not make things any better for any of you. It sounds like you are doing the right thing by remaining on good terms with the ex. Yea he fucked up the marriage by cheating more than once I might add. You must always think of what is best for your child. And remaining on good terms shows the child a positive outlook on it. You can both still be good parents not being together. Yes it is upsetting when the other women comes into the picture with your son, but it's gonna happen. And it will happen on your side of the picture some day as well. So I say kuddos to you on how you are dealing with this all. Great job!
2006-12-27 06:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you are doing the best of a horrible situation. Especially as you have a son together, keeping it friendly and civil is in his best interest.
when i met my fiance, he and his daughter's mother had just split (they had this onand off relationship for about 6 yrs). when she found out about me she came back to live by his parents and to make back with him. when that failed, she left again and took his daughter with the police, took him to court, etc.
He gained full custody, her suit for abuse was thrown out. I have a 3 mth old boy and she bought him a christmas gift.
given time everything works out. she has moved on- has a bf, etc.
my fiance and her do not get along at all and it is hard on his daughter so they are now trying to be civil to each other at least in front of her. The daughter is now becoming adjusted, she loves my son, knows he's her brother, calls me aunty, etc.
do not let any anger seep in and take the acceptance and peace away. soon you will move on in your own right. why would you be upset over losing a cheating husband anyway. if you should be angry it is with urslf for yrying again the first time!! :-)
2006-12-27 06:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by stacy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no you have moved on from this and not willing to waste your life with such mindless emotion as anger. Its probably the best thing you could do for your little one rather than pull him apart with hate in the house. I think that is great don't look for anger if its not there. You don't love him or hate him which means you really don't care about him becauseyou would feel either emotion if you cared. Just be glad your not riddled with difficult emotions and happy to get on with your life and look after you boy. With any luck you will one day find the man of your dreams who is a good kind man and will treat you with kindness and respect not to mention great love
2006-12-27 07:00:45 · answer #4 · answered by honey 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not mad..... just be glad that you are on good terms with him for the sake of your son as well as for your own well being. Hate and anger will get you no-where.
Your feelings may change in time - if they do and you do find yourself being angry, find someone to talk things through with.
Perhaps your friends think you should feel angry cos that's how they would feel - but you are not them, you are you and you can only feel how you feel.
I hope things work out well for you in the future and that the divorce goes through OK.
2006-12-27 06:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by Star 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should feel how your heart tells you to feel. You are probably not any angrier than you are because his confessions have solidified the choice to get a divorce. If he is in a relationship with someone, it is natural for him to introduce your child to her, whether it was a woman he cheated on you with or not, just as you will introduce your child to the next person you have a relationship with, if you choose to have another relationship. Don't let other people tell you how you should be feeling. They are not you, and they can't tell you what emotions you should be feeling. If they want to be mad, that is their business and I am sure you aren't telling them how to feel. Let your heart be your dictator. Life is hard enough without feeling like you have to please everyone else, when you are the one going through the trying times.
2006-12-27 06:16:13 · answer #6 · answered by PDH 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am strong believer that it is natural to have all this conflicting feelings when you are going thru an ordeal as this. You two have ten years of history and no one but you two know all this good and bad things about your relationship. Your friends being well, but you are entitled to all the feelings you have. Maintaining a good relationship with your ex is good for your child. SO be strong and hang in there things will get better and healing takes time.
2006-12-27 06:22:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's just not that into you; you have to start to wean off your friendship with him so you can devote the time to yourself to build yourself up ; to find a new life without your best friend?; it is good that you can communicate on a level for your son but not for you; he is not your husband the moment that he cheated ; hating only makes you keep him in your heart; make room in your heart for you, your son and someday a man who will think and show you that you are the greatest thing on earth; love yourself now to move on ; a support group ; take a class; do something different; get healthy, body and spirit ; he's just not that into you and you need to be the same and you will; move on - you owe yourself that; his loss; Good Luck
2006-12-27 06:11:22 · answer #8 · answered by sml 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, to be honest with you, I dont have the angelic power you do. But, I applaud you. In my mind, getting mad only causes you to do stupid things and waste your energy. Hey, I did it, so I know. LOL. I was furious and ready to blow something up.
I think that the best way to hurt someone at times, is basically smile and wave bye to them. Sort of gives them the impression that you arent really suffering the loss of anything that has much value. In this case, I would have to say you probably arent.
Best of luck to you and I hope that you will do the following.
Sit and be brutally honest and really find out how much (if any) part you truely had in what happened in your marriage. I say this because at times, we do things that others can easily use as justifications to help them do us wrongly. Simply something to think on.
Make sure that if you find anyone else, you know exactly what you are getting. Dont overlook or kid yourself about anything to do with them and how they are. Then again, dont kid yourself about just who and how you are either, in any regards.
2006-12-27 06:16:02 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't listen to your friends! The best and most wonderful thing for all of you is your ability to remain friendly and have a good relationship regardless of how your life together turned out. Holding on to the negative energy will only cause you more problems and be harder for you son to deal with his parents divorce.
2006-12-27 06:09:16 · answer #10 · answered by mvngs 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋