My husband and i have been married for 7 years. We used to be in head-over-heels-love. But within the last year, he has started to sasy awful things to me. He has threatened to stick a bat up my... (well.. you know.) during sex. And he keeps on talking about that if he was our daughter's age, he would want to have sex with her. This is not my husband at all... he never used to be this way.
Two months ago, he started.. just barely, slapping my face (playfully) during sex. But now he is hitting me full on.. across the face, blows to the stomach, and It's not just me I'm worried about. My daughter, who is 15, has changed. She has gotten very quiet, and she is usually an outgoing girl. I'm afraid that he has done something to her.
Problem is, I don't have alot of money. I can't hire a lawer, and I can't divorce him because he provides most of the income. What do I do? He used to be the best husband, father, and lover. Now, I don't know what to do. Help!
Thanks for your time.
2006-12-27 06:02:15 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S. - We have already tried going to a therapist, but he won't even go in the car. He refuses to talk with a person about it. Especially a therapist.
2006-12-27 06:04:14 · update #1
this is in response to "pinniethe.." my daughter and i share the same account. but she's 15, so she was lying.
2006-12-27 06:54:05 · update #2
One more thing: i don't choose to have sex with him.. he wants me too, and if I say no, he will hurt me. Just for clarifications sake.
2006-12-27 10:05:17 · update #3
Hate to say this sounds like he sexually molested the daughter. Who gives a sh*t about money pack your bags, pack you daughter bags and get the f**k out. Go to the courthouse look for legal aide, they can cover the cost of divorce. these are serious signs of a deeper problem and just because you are married does not mean you have to put up with it. My tax dollars go to programs to help people such as yourself and I definately don't want to see anything bad happen to you, expesially if it's escallating. How long before he murdurs you while having sex.
2006-12-27 06:07:44 · answer #1 · answered by cisco_cantu 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He has already had sex with your daughter. That is why he is talking about it- to let you know.
He will continue to hit you and it will escalate NOT DECREASE.
Get out - get any help you can- from anywhere willing to give it. Don't be embarrassed or think you are the only one this has happened too. It happens a lot and you need help- emotionally, financially and physically.
There are chapters in every city for abused families- find one. They will help you. It takes a while to get everything moving and in place so DO NOT GIVE UP. Keep at it until someone helps you. You can overcome and you need to do so for your daughters sake as well as your own.
File charges against your husband when he hits you. Even " playful " force during sex is a prelude to rape and he will brutally rape you eventually. He is letting you know that he finds it exciting by the things he is doing now.
DO NOT expect him to throw his hands in the air and walk away. This is about being in control and when you elave it will get worse for a time but do not cave in and go back or it will only get worse at home. You have to be strong for you and your daughter.
You ned to find a therapist that works with abused women ( and yes you are abused- emotionally at the very least ) They can help you overcome the uselessness and helplessness you feel right now. Your daughter needs couseling as well so that she does not repeat the pattern and choose an abuser later in life.
GOOD LUCK and PLEASE GET HELP
2006-12-27 06:21:01 · answer #2 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1- I would have a serious heart to heart talk with your daughter.
He may be abusing her.
2- if you get a divorce depending on the state, as you don't have money you are likely to get legal fees. You will also be able to apply for temporary alimony and get a restraining order at the very least. Temporary custody of your daughter is also highly likely. You will have to work and get a job to support yourself.
It is a tough move but it sounds like you better do it before he really does shove that bat up your ***. This has turned into an abusive marriage, stop dwelling on the whys and concentrate on the "how do I protect myself". If he won't go to therapy then you ahve no other option but divorce.
2006-12-27 06:08:28 · answer #3 · answered by bluto blutarsky2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something is really wrong in your home!Have you tried to take your daughter out for a "mother-daughter breakfast/lunch", so you two can openly talk without him being around? If he did do something to her, he may have threaten her or/and you to her.What he is expressing to you is no form of love....love doesn't hurt in that way! It does not take a lot of money to get you and your daughter away from him. You could go to a friend's or relatives' house...there are safe shelters for women and children...or you can call the police the next time he hits you and get a "with-straining order" against him for you and your daughter and remain in the house. By your daughter being the age that she is the state could take her if it is reported that she is abused...I suggest you do something about this before it gets out of hand. You can get a divorce! You can get one as low as $100.00, check your phonebook. By him abusing you , you having a minor child and she being possibly sexaully abused...he would have to pay you both child support and alimony, plus if you own a home , car, and etc. you would be able to keep them because you have the child in your care and you were the one wronged in the marriage.You need to find the courage from within and take a stand for you and your child.....if you don't, no one else will do it for you!!!! If you know of or belong to a church, talk to a pastor(you and your daughter)...that doesn't cost....God's ears are always open.Document everything that is going on...date it and give details in a notebook or something...that helps when you take you next steps to go to court and /or the police. FIGHT LADY!!!! If not for you than for your daughter....the longer you wait the worse it may get!!!!
2006-12-27 06:41:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a sick puppy and you and your daughter need to get away from him immediately. He should not be abusing you during sex or any time. I would report him to the authorities and get a restraining order against him. You need to sit your daughter down and try to find out if and what he did to her. Get away from that jerk! Also, forget about the money. I realize that he is the primary breadwinner, but you can make it without him. I would rather be broke and safe than wealthy and dead.
One more thing - do not think twice about leaving him. Do not wait around and think that things will get better because they will not. Think about you and your daughter. He obviously is in involved in drugs or something because he has changed like that.
2006-12-27 06:26:03 · answer #5 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go or you need to leave. Do you have your mother, a friend, cousin, sister or brother that you can stay with? Just until you can get a place of your own? There are agencies to help you, battered women's shelter that can help you get a place and get legal aide to get divorced. Sounds like he's mentally unstable or on drugs, either way you have to take care of yourself and your daughter. This could be life long emotional trauma for you and your daughter and the sooner you get help the better. There are lots of women who have been through this before, you are not the only one. Get some help before it's too late.
2006-12-27 06:16:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is not the affection it quite is unquestionably bothering. this is a sprint deeper than that. you're bothered via something he has executed or isn't doing, or it must be something which you have executed. Like I reported, this is lots deeper that the hugs and kisses. locate out what this is it quite is unquestionably bothering you. basically think of roughly it for somewhat and it will come to you. once you paintings out what this is, do no longer in straightforward terms enable it pass. tell him he harm your thoughts, no count how little this is. If he brushes it off enable him know how badly this is bothering you and which you're conscious that he could think of this is stupid. the important ingredient is that he accepts, no longer is conscious, the place you're coming from. My husband and that i've got been at the same time 15 yrs so i'm with you in this one. it will be ok. basically get to the basis of the subject and the hugs and kisses would be as candy as ever.
2016-11-23 19:53:51 · answer #7 · answered by heuss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You husband, from what you are relating here, is abusing your daughter sexually, no doubt about that. But you have eliminated all the options--- you say you have no money, you say you can't hire an attorney, and you say you can't divorce him. What would you like us here to come up with???????? None of us can send you money, nor give you a home. None of us can force your husband into counseling...... This is almost a joke questions where you have presented a problem, and closed all the doors to get out of it!!!!!!!!!!
If this is a real question: and you are indeed worried about your situation,
You must leave, hon, find a woman's shelter. get your daughter into therapy, contact child services, legal aid, get a job. You are ignoring the obvious, and your child is paying for it......
2006-12-27 06:17:40 · answer #8 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Until you figure out what's happened to your husband, you need to take your daughter and her out of there. If you stay there's no telling what he'll do to you or your daughter. Go to a friends house, or you family or somewhere safe. Just get out of there now!!!! Worry about divorce and money later. Right now concentrate on finding a safe place.
2006-12-27 06:42:23 · answer #9 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out!!!!! He's clearly abusing you and possibly your daughter too. Have you talked to your daughter? If he's abusing her you can have him arrested. If she won't open up to you find someone she will open up to. I know it's easy to use money as an excuse to stay but is it worth what you and your daughter are going through? Find a way to make it happen. Stay with a friend or family member. It's your responsibility to protect your daughter.
2006-12-27 06:13:48 · answer #10 · answered by iluvian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋