he used to have TONS of it, and i had a bad experience with porn when i was younger. an older guy used to make me go in and buy it for him, he would get off on it. and i tried to watch it with my husband, and he made me feel awful. "look at the size of those thing!". "look, that is how you give a bj"
2006-12-27 05:56:29 · 21 answers · asked by freedomgirl022000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, ALL men don't look at porn. Whoever said that is an idiot. Yes you should be upset because it is degrading to you and your marriage.
2006-12-27 06:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by TB28 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
That is wrong of him. I tried watching porn with my boyfriend, and i didn't like it. And i didn't like him watching it by himself, but he did hide it from me also. But he NEVER said anything like that, or try to correct how i do something by showing me on porn how it is done 'right' That is where i would have the problem, and it probably would have changed how i thought of him THEN, and i probably would have broke up with him. But, if you still love him, and want to stay with him, i would suggest to him couples counseling. You can also try spicing things up in the bedroom, and maybe try making your own pictures and videos, and asking him to look at those instead. It has worked for my relationship so far. Good Luck, i hope everything works out.
2006-12-28 21:50:32 · answer #2 · answered by Stark 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to inform you hon, (he STILL has tons of it!!!) but your husband is a porn addict. It is one thing to look occasionally, it is another if he spends tons of time at it. Addicts don't have time for a marriage or a relationship --- they are already in a relationship, it just isn't with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alcoholics are the same way, gamblers as well. Porn addiction isn't even much treatable, (as any counselor) and certainly not curable. If your husband spends much more than 10 minutes a month on it, you got a problem, hon.
2006-12-27 14:07:42 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should seek therapy if you are unable to deal with your past problems and it has scarred you.
You shouldn't make him feel bad about having it. It is ok if you don't want to watch it with him, and he shouldn't be using the porn as an instruction manual for what you should do, but you should not be mad that he watches it.
Cheatsheet:
1- Don't be mad that he has it,
2- Don't be mad that he watches it,
3- Don't be mad that he splooges all over the dvd remote,
4- Do be mad if he doesn't clean it up,
5- Do be mad if he forces you to watch it with him,
6- And DEFINATELY DO be mad if he wants you to give a bj like in a porno- on second thought maybe you should, then when he doesn't get the enjoyment from it that he does from what you normally do- then he will realize that what is in porn is in so that the viewer can recieve visual stimulation, not the actor or actress.
Most stuff they do in porn isn't meant to work well in the bedroom.
2006-12-27 14:03:06 · answer #4 · answered by bluto blutarsky2 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He's hiding it because he knows it bothers you I 'spose. So many women view the women in these pics and movies as objects to be threatened by but I don't think men really see them as something real...it's just a turn-on... I don't think I would appreciate a guy using them as instructional videos, however...they do have a way of making me feel inadequate. My bf has a legitimate book that isn't pornographic at all but displays different positions and techniques. We get that out and look at it together sometimes. Have you thought about talking to a mental health professional about your bad experience?
2006-12-27 14:04:48 · answer #5 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sexual abuse is very hard to deal with for you and your partner and you probably aren't the most fun in bed and that isn't your fault. Sex is probably not a source of pleasure for you and it is difficult for you to even think about but he was probably watching porn before he met you and it gives him the much needed stress relief. He is more than likely unhappy with his sex life and the porn helps so don't be hard on him. Just let him know that you are not into it. Accept him for who he is just like he has done for you. Try to get closure on what happened to you as a kid.
2006-12-27 14:10:58 · answer #6 · answered by logisticswizard 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
so your problem isnt the porn it is your bad experience of it and the tactless way your husband talks to you that makes it the threat,,it isnt the porn it is your husband and if he wants a wife who loves to talk to her man sexually he must bring it out in a way that makes her feel sexual not someone who can do no right.maybe telling your hubby that the best way to get you to do things he wants is to make these acts nice,a good thing,a turn on even.you dont have to love porn but you do have to not be afraid of it either,im sure your husband has his sexual faults too and you havent hurt his feelings by pointing them out to him,,works both ways.talk to him.
2006-12-27 14:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband hid his porn from you, then he must've done it out of respect for you.
If he kept watching porn out in the open where you could see it too despite your objections, then you would have something to be concerned about.
If you don't think it's right for him to impose his porn on you, then why do you think it's right for you to impose your views and feelings about porn on him?
I think respect should be mutual. And if the two of you don't have the same feelings about porn, then you should give each other some space and respect each other's individuality and autonomy.
2006-12-27 14:13:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Get over yourself, stop being a controlling, self deitizing ninny! You cant control your husband and his porn, you have no right. Now you can choose whether you watch it.. Thats all the control that you have. What he does in the comfort of his own home, in his private moments that are legal, you have no control over! Grow up, what happened to you as a child needs to be exorcised by a licensed professional, not your manipulative ideals!
2006-12-27 14:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
DON'T LISTEN TO THESE MORALLY DEVOID PEOPLE.
My wife's second husband had that problem. It got worse and so did his demands and the way he treated her.
I respect her and keep myself from thinking about it or doing it as much as possible... about 2 months ago was last time.
If he respects you, he wouldn't do it. I love my wife that's why I don't.
There's only two ways of being free from guilt... living a righteous life or living without moral responsibility - what do you think your husband is?
2006-12-27 14:09:12 · answer #10 · answered by DeanPonders 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
All men look at porn, it is not a secret. You were in denial. Next time, realize he's not being mean, just trying to give you some pointers. Anything that spices it up in the bedroom helps your relationship!
2006-12-27 13:59:06 · answer #11 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋