Why does my husband think it is completely ok to make me feel like I am a nuisance? It's not that he does it all the time, just when the mood strikes him. We went to a restaurant the other day and he got mad, because when the waitress asked if we wanted anything else I shook my head no. She apparently was only looking at me and left the table after she saw my reaction. My husband got all annoyed with me then, because he wanted dessert. I was like, "Well, you should have said something." and then he acts like I make everything his fault. I felt bad about it, so when the waitress came back I asked her apologetically if we could see what was for dessert. She had no problem with that, but my husband told her no thanks. When she left, he told me not to bother talking for him. THAT IS SO IRRITATING! I was trying to make up for him not getting dessert and he makes it seem like I am trying to be some overbearing b@#ch! Is it just me, or is that childish of him?
2006-12-27 05:39:35 · 38 answers · asked by L80bug 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been married for 3 1/2 years,but we've been together for 10. We have a good relationship, but it's crap like this that just makes me miserable sometimes. Please no jerk answers...
2006-12-27 05:41:12 · update #1
I admit I should have asked him if he wanted anything, but it all happened really fast. When it comes down to it, I realize I am in the wrong, too, but I did try to make up for it. Yet, I still get slapped in the face. I think he was having a bad day, but it isn't the first time he has done something like this. I don't think it is detrimental to our relationship, because we are very happy together, but this just really p***ed me off and I wanted to see what other people thought.
2006-12-27 05:54:52 · update #2
A solution to the issue of the server would have been to reply that you were done and then refer the server to your husband. The Server should have checked with both of you, so that was really a server issue.
Either you speak before you husband has a chance to do so or, he has an issue speaking up to others, but not to you. You obviously feel that he doesn't speak up for himself. He is a man, so allow him to do so. If he still doesn't then it will not be an issue with you, he will have himself to blame. He obviously feels that you do not give him opportunity to speak. In both of your cases perception is fact.
2006-12-27 06:31:09 · answer #1 · answered by Neptune 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All that could probably say is that you guys are spending way too much time with eachother. People will start to getting annoyed by petty little things when they spend an excess amount of time with one person, it's human nature. But to be rude like that to you, especially in public, isn't right. You two should spend a little time with friends and family to give eachother that space everyone needs. Otherwise it will just get worst and you don't want that to happen. Talk to him about it, see what he thinks. He might take it the wrong way, like you want to leave him or something, but just explain it to him and tell him that trust needs to be in place. Tell him that you want to make sure you guys have a healthy long lasting relationship and so you want to try something a little different hoping to make things better. Tell him because by him doing these things to you, it hurts and makes you feel bad about yourself. If he really cares about you, he can agree and try to fix it. Don't just start doing it on your own because he will think somethings up. Talk to him first, come up with an agreement of some sort or just try to find out why he does those things. I really hope things work out for you, especially after spending that much time together, it's a blessing. Take care and good luck!
2006-12-27 05:49:51 · answer #2 · answered by Steve S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a baby. Is this an everyday type of thing or was he just having a bad day. You correct the situation and got the baby his dessert so why is he still crying?? And the No talking thing?? Sounds like a 5 year old, not a man. He needs to grow up big time.
Good luck!
2006-12-27 05:44:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being a jerk. He needs to speak-up for himself AND take responsibility for his own actions or inaction (like the dessert thing you mention above). Basically, he is blaming his issues on you because it is always easier to feed your crap to other people than to eat it yourself.
You two might look into some relationship counseling before stuff like this becomes big issues and resentment between you two that can't be solved.
2006-12-27 05:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It works both ways. Instead of shaking your head no at the waitress, would it have killed you to look at your husband and say "Honey did you want anything?" Or perhaps discuss with your husband whether or not you want dessert or not? And then you speaking for him when he could have done it himself was you playing mommy to him. You need to stop that. He needs to explore why he has problems speaking up for himself.
2006-12-27 05:43:44 · answer #5 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember that men have their pride when you hurt it they will get upset. This is the reason why your husband is angry. I get the impression that sometimes you speak for the both of you without asking his opinion. The waitress was speaking to the both of you, therefore when you answered you spoke for him too. Anyone would get annoyed and also when you called her back to re-order you add embarrassment to the situation. I am giving you the facts just so you will be mindful next time
2006-12-27 06:01:47 · answer #6 · answered by Ans 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of the question. It was directed at both of you, so why did you answer for him? I feel he is right for being upset, but not speaking to you shows there may be underlying issues. You redeemed yourself by retrieving the menu and instead of him ordering he choose to make you look dumb. Don't be alarmed, these things happen. I"m sure you know your husband. When he has these isolated incidents every so often, do you self a favor and ignore it. :) Cheer up.
2006-12-27 05:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by theloveuneverhad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very childish--the little boy didn't get what he wants and of course he doesn't ask for it either. Like you are supposed to know by osmosis? Then he shuts up an says nothing. I don't know. When people are like that you want to use their nose as a juice squeezer. You can send him back to his mother until such time he has evolved into a man who knows how to talk to a woman and respect his wife.
2006-12-27 05:50:46 · answer #8 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you were both having a bad day, in which you both over reacted. Throw in a tad of taking each other for granted, and it blew up.
Keep in mind to decide between you both b4 anyone makes a determination. We usually do it with a look. When he sees my eyes glistening, he KNOWS we're going for dessert! (My favorite part of the meal)
But then again, with portions as they are today. We share one meal...Thus dessert can actually become an option! ;)
2006-12-27 05:49:19 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you have a fight earlier in the day? It's possible he's reacting about another issue through something minor. It is quite childish of him to behave that way. If it happens again, ask him if there's something else bothering him. Tell him how you felt when he treated you that way - he might not know his actions are bothersome!
2006-12-27 05:43:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋