I've been hearing various people including my sig, and various posters say that if you are smart, attractive and can "afford" to have children, (and are good with children) then it is selfish not to have them. Someone please explain this to me. It really doesn't make sense to me. I thought children were supposed to be some big joy, not something you feel obligated to do. or is it that no one particularly wants to have children, just simply makes the best of them when they arrive?
2006-12-27 05:27:28 · 32 answers · asked by smm 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
sorry. as in sig i meant significant other
2006-12-27 05:36:09 · update #1
Smm - This time YOU are right and all your friends are wrong. Having children is a personal choice, not a requirement and it should be because you want a child and to be a mother. There is nothing wrong with not choosing to be a mom. People are sometimes careless with their remarks about these things. +JENNY
2006-12-27 05:32:43 · answer #1 · answered by Air Head 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want children that is fine. Having children is a very personal and life altering decision. I have 2 children and love them dearly but I can tell you by working at a school there are many people that procreated for reasons other than wanting a child. I feel bad for so many children like that.
It is selfish in my opinion to have them just to get a check or to have them as a pawn for a relationship. JMHO!
Again this is a personal decision and just because you are able does not make you a great parent. I can assure you these people making these judgements or statements will not be there at 3:00 a.m. to help you with your crying baby you can afford...
You do what seems right to you! It's your life.
Best of luck
2006-12-27 05:32:48 · answer #2 · answered by I love the flipflops 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having children is not for everybody and it is not selfish if you do not want children. It is selfish to have children when you really do not want them because it ends up hurting the child. What is right for your life may not be right for someone elses and vice versa so do not let others judgements change your views on this. I have 6 children of my own and they are a big joy but it is also a big sacrifice. So, if you do not want children stick that because you cant send them back once they arrive.
2006-12-27 05:33:03 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Crickett 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't answer very many of these, but I think yours is worth 20 minutes right now....
No, hon, children are divisive, not bonding. They put a wedge for 20+ years in your marriage.(assuming it survives 20 years...) Your loving bond with your spouse now includes a demanding baby, a selfish baby, who loves himself only, and screams and yells to get its way (That's what it means to be a baby!!!!) It takes a strong marriage to survive and stay loving in the face of children --- 2 am feedings, screaming temper tantrums, and the joy of wondering where your 16 year old daughter is at 1 am.....ask any parent, ANY parent. And often times the parents stay together because they simply cannot afford a divorce....read all the questions on this site, and ask your parents, and your friends who have children..... It takes $250,000 to raise one child to age 20.... tons of money, I think you will agree. the average couple has little extra money to travel to neat places like Africa, Nepal, Europe or any where else. You have one life to live, and you have to decide how much of those young years you wish to give away being a driver, soccer mom, pay for violin lessons, spend $$ for kid's clothing, go thru puberty with an ungrateful kid, yadayadyayada..... You get the idea. I look at all my friends, and few of those children have accomplished as much as the parents have accomplished, and some are down right criminals.... just because you turned out great, doesn't mean the kid(s) will, even if you are the very best parent on the planet....I think you have every right to be selfish -- you get one set of ~ 80 years to do with what you wish.... it's your right to do with them what you feel is important to you.... and the world really needs no more children --- If you want kids, adopt -- do what Angelina and Madonna have done --- rescue a kid out of poverty....
Just as an aside, I never wanted kids -- not since I knew I was female -- around 7. By the time I was 13, had there been tubal ligation, would have opted for that. Not once, never, NEVER, not for an instant did I ever wish to be a mom. As a result, got a great education, married a guy who felt the same way, we went all over the world -- Africa (7 times) Turkey, Nepal, Costa Rica several times, South America, Italy 3 times, yadayada......had the luxury to spend 5 months learning to read heiroglyphics before going to Egypt (awesome language, and could read everything on the temple walls.....all my friends told me I'd never been good at Arabic even if I began 4 years before the trip so chose not to lear that language....) have time to develop into a rather good sculptor, read everything, and as a result, know a little bit about almost everything...... private music lessons, time for expensive symphony tickets, plays, and volunteering my time to worthy causes, learned to design clothes, became an accomplished photographer, and, as you have read, the time to go to places to take awesome photos....
Would not have changed one day, but would have been a very resentful parent.... So, hon, know yourself well
2006-12-27 05:55:09 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel children are a blessing and love my baby more than life itself. But children do not ask to be brought into the world. So many people perfectly uncapable of raising children (financially, mentally, etc..) keep having them and then it is up to the system to take care of them. I don't feel it is selfish not to have them, some people want them and some do not. Make the right decision for yourself and spouse and know that is what you want.
2006-12-27 05:34:37 · answer #5 · answered by rachel_ksr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think about the same thing i mean i fill as though having children would sort of take what i want away if you are smart, attractive, & can afford children then that does NOT mean you should fill obligated to have children i think it is somethin you should want ........... but yes some people do have children & then fill like it was the best chocie it is alll in how you fill if you dont want children then i dont think it is selfish not to have them! GOOD LUCK! :) hope i was some help!
2006-12-27 05:32:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to have children, just for the sake of having children and not nuturing them to be decent human beings. And, a lot of people seem to do just that. Why do it at all? I know this is a question but it gets my point across.
And, no it isn't selfish not to want or have children.
2006-12-27 05:33:10 · answer #7 · answered by Get Real 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am pregnant right now with my first child and it is because i WANTED to not because if feel obligated to. I do not think that anyone should have children if they do not want to. There is nothing I hate more then all of these women having children and not taking care of them. Children are a wonderful thing and if you cant or wont take care of them then you should not have them!!!
2006-12-27 05:31:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its not selfish, its ur attitude, which may change later. I didnt want children at 21, but at the age of 33, i wanted them most. So wait for the right time and should not feel pressured.
2006-12-27 05:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by Reem 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not selfish, but make sure that is what your mate wants as well and not after your so deep into a relationship to tell them. Be up front about it and not by the way after your married I don't want any children, that's just mean.
2006-12-27 05:33:18 · answer #10 · answered by Dr. D. AKA Evil Woman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋