why can't I end the affair?

Question

I met my husband of 5 years 12 years ago in high school. He was my first boyfriend. I love my husband but I'm not in love with him. I started cheating with a man off and on about 7 years ago. Initially, it was totally physical but about 4 years ago, I started to fall for him and he felt that he was in love with me as well. I felt like he was my soulmate. We were both confused and my lover decided it would be best if he moved on. He did and fell in love with the "woman of his dreams." They got married about a year ago. He still tells me he loves me and the affair has resumed. I often feel like letting him go was a huge mistake. He makes me so happy. I know he loves his wife and will never leave her and it hurts when I think about their life together. The thought of ending this hurts so much but I know its best. I just wish I could love my husband the same way but I don't know how. I don't know why I can't let the affair go and try to make things better in my marriage

Answer 1

Your question is.... "I don't know why I can't let the affair go and try to make things better in my marriage?"
Here's the reason why:

You choose not to...

Here are some other thoughts for your consideration.....

1)You broke and are continuing to break the marriage covenant between you and God regarding your husband.
2) You want what you can't have.
3)The grass is always seems greener on the other side.
4)You married way too young and you should seek out a marriage counselor
5)You don't want to stop because you enjoy gratifying you're own debased selfish desires.
6) You're being very cruel to your husband as well as an innocent woman (his wife) who didn't ask for this drama.
7) Think how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot and your husband was doing this to you. Could you imagine for one second how you'd feel if your husband brought this HOT MESS to you one day, while all along you thought your marriage was going well.
8) You've been set up by the "Enemy" of marriages and you fell for this set up hook, line and sinker. You will reap what you sow.
9) The illusion of this man being the "great love of your life" is just that... it's an illusion. The fact that he's cheating even now while he's married to the "woman of his dream" speaks volumes about his character. If he can cheat on his wife now... What's to stop him from cheating on you later..when he's board or the next "woman of his dreams" (what a joke that statement is) comes along. And vice versa... How can he trust you, you certainly have no problem cheating.

Get it together because both your behaviors are unacceptable and cruel and very destructive. You don't live your life in a vacuum, you are affecting other peoples lives and there are very grave consequences to your actions. You'll both eventually be held accountable. How selfish of you both.

Answer 2

Are there children involved?
You owe your husband the truth. You should get into marriage counseling immediately because I'm not convinced you have a realistic picture of what love is.
You need a professional to help you sort out the real issues, because there is some love or attachment there or else you wouldn't be with your husband. And though this other man may feel some affection for you he doesn't love or value you enough to leave is wife. How can he when you're degrading yourself by cheating on your husband and contributing the ruin of his marriage by allowing him to on his wife with you.
I'm sure your a lovely person. I can tell you have a lot pf compassion and love to give, but by continuing these affairs you are hurting everyone you claim to love. You have to end the affair with this other man. He is someone else's husband and you have you should not be interfering in his marriage. Your behavior is so selfish. Either commit to your marriage or end it. Love your husband or let him go. You both deserve better.
I'm sure the person you are is not who you want to be, but only you have the power to change that. Good Luck. Do the right thing. Stop the cheating today.

Answer 3

Grass is always greener on the other side. You and your lover are in love with the idea of being together, but trust me if you both did get together it will be over.

Now you live your life in the thrill and anticipation of being with him and after you have achieved it, then where do you go from there. Do yourself and your husband a favor, don't come clean with him because if he is a good man, you will shatter his heart and you have no right to do that to him, just file for divorce and seek professional help.

If this lover of yours wanted you he would have not moved on, but proposed to marry you. But since you are letting him use you, he will abuse you until you let him.

Marriage is build on love, faith and trust, you have definitely not kept your commitment and your lover claims to have found a love of his life... I am confused, so he wants a wife and a whore. Sorry but that's all you are in this relationship.

I don't think you will receive much sympathy on here, if that's what you are looking for.

Answer 4

Do you think your husband doesn't have a clue? You need to start saving up some money because you don't have any clue about when he's going to give you your divorce papers and put you out of the house. You only want your husband because your lover moved on with his life....and he even disrespected you enough to tell you his new wife was "the woman of his dreams," not you.

You don't want things to get better with your marriage or you wouldn't spend 7 years sleeping with somebody else.

Go to counseling and find out why you think 1) it's ok to cheat 2) you want to stay with your husband 3) why you want to be with a man who married another woman instead of saying he wanted to be with you. Counseling will hopefully do you a world of good! Good luck.

Answer 5

been there done that, like some have said since the both of you have been involved in an affair what makes you think he wouldn't do it to you and if he has moved on and is happy with his current relationship than leave him alone. As for your hubby well if your not in love with him then GO. Please also let him know of your actions and be an adult about it. I remember going through that stuff it was hell. I am no longer with that married dude I've learned my lesson and I am currently happily married to the love of my life. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

YOu and your husband were both young, probably too young when you first fell in love. NOt being in love with your husband is a big deal and if you can't change that and grow to love him in that special way again, I'm sorry to say but continuing your marriage makes no sense.

This other guy, if he was still single, then maybe you could have given it a shot. But I would advise to lose him immediately. NO matter how much you love him and feel good with him ,etc. it s not fair to your husband or his wife. YOu both either break off the marriages and get together or break off what you have. If he loved you enough he would be willing to and doesnot seem to be.

If you are going to try with your marriage, why not run away with your husband. Play hookie from work, go to a motel and have sex all day, etc... spice up your relationship with your husband. By now you know what you are lacking in your marriage- whatever else you are draen to in this other man- and make it happen in your marriage.

Answer 7

This is a royal mess. I tell you. But the best thing for you is to calm down and make this list of positive and negative. kind of like: these are the facts. regarding both men, Have you ever considered being alone for a while? Just off by yourself travelling, getting to know who you are inside? You cannot ever count on others to be responsible for you own happiness and by the way, you did not let your ex lover go, he dumped you and married someone else and is just using you. he sounds as confused as you are and he is just bad news in general. You need to think of the fact that your husband and you may not be for one another and you may need to find a brand new partner that fulfils all your emotional and physical needs. let both of them go, get in touch with your own self, find out what you really want, clear your head and make your decision when u r ready.
Be smart, good luck

Answer 8

First of all why would you marry someone you didn't truly love? If you no longer want to be married to this man then you need to be honest with him instead of living this lie, why put him through that? If you had been honest from the beginning then you could be married to your soulmate and living happily ever after. You can't change your husband into the person you are having the affair with. You need to resolve this immediately and know that one day the tables may turn on you.

Answer 9

First of all you need to own your actions. Quit sleeping with a married man and quit cheating on your husband. If you are not in love then why are you married. You need to divorce your husband because what you have done is AWFUL and horrible and he does not deserve to be with someone who obviously has no regard for his feelings. Then take some time alone. If you are meant to be with the man you had an affair with then it will happen. But I can't see him having a whole lot of trust or respect for you. If you cheated on your husband why wouldn't you cheat on him.

Answer 10

First of all he moved on and married someone else! I guess the best way to put an end to your feelings is to remember that if you were his wife right now he would be cheating on you. And don't even go with the he would not do that to me crap! He is a cheater but then so are you so maybe you would have made a good couple!