I offer my finacee different things than his mother....but he adores her.....and sometimes it bothers me. Is that wrong? The funny thing is...I love her so much too.
2006-12-27 04:54:18 · 15 answers · asked by CMB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There's an old saying: "You can tell how a man will treat his wife by how he treats his mother." Pretty accurate too!
You are very lucky to have a man who can show his Mom his love and respect.
You don't give details--- but I assume since you love her also, she must not be an all-controlling, manipulative type of woman. If he is not a dependent "Mama's boy" who cannot make his own decisions or love anyone BUT Mom, then you really don't have a problem, except in your own mind.
Its possible to be jealous of anyone and anything! But it will ruin your life and your relationships. Parents are jealous of their mate's love for their babies, spouses are jealous of the other person's career, interests, friends, all kinds of ridiculous things.
You need to learn to trust that you are lovable and loved--- by him and by others. Jealousy is caused by insecurity and the selfish desire to be the one and only center of someone else's life. Unfortunately, the more one wants this and demands this, the less attractive one becomes. Only by loving open-heartedly yourself, and giving others their freedom to love you and others as they wish, will you get what you are desiring.
The heart is capable of limitless love--- and the more one loves, the more one CAN love. Love God first; all His children next. See your husband (and yourself) not as a 'possession' or commodity, with only a certain amount of love that you need to be sure you get enough of.
Open your heart...stop limiting yourself and him. Be grateful you are joining a loving family. You will find as you go through life that this will be one of the greatest of blessings you have been given. How wonderful that you both can love and give joy to this man and each other--- and eventually the babies that will come into your family.
Be happy, sweet soul---
2006-12-27 05:35:58 · answer #1 · answered by Rani 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean you offer him different things?
Like what?
Advice, Food, Gifts?
Children in general adore their parents. I see no reason why you would be jealous of his relationship with her. Instead if he treats his mother with respect and kindness then he will be the same way with you. You should be happy about that.
Is there a chance if anything that the jealously may come from your relationship with your own parents. If that is the case work on that.
2006-12-27 05:03:33 · answer #2 · answered by prayingangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole mother in law thing is tough. First of all he will always have a conection to his mother, and it will be one that you may never understand. The trouble with my husband and his mother is that he was the youngest son and her baby. I kind of "took him" away from her and that in turn made him grow up and get thoughts of his own and his own independence. This in turn made her feel very sad and she knew that her influence on him was a little bit less. I guess what i can say to you is to be secure in your relationship with him, and know that as he loves her in one way, he loves you in another. Also, so years down the line you and he will have some children of your own and that bond will strengthen all three of you as a family. Respect his love for his mother, be confident in yourself and the rest will fall into place.
2006-12-27 05:03:02 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truth of the matter is ... your not jealous of her you just want him to love you the way he loves her...
Remember... that's his mother.... just the way you feel about your mother is how he feels about her... You can never ask him to love you more than her.... nor can he ask you to love him more than you love your mom....
Just remember that if he loves his mother chances are that he will love his wife just the same....
There is a reason why he is with you...... he loves you and only u if it were not true why is he marriing you.... this man is all yours
I was told that a man that loves his mother, will treat his wife with great love and adoration...
Don't try to go out of your way for her.... if she likes you than everything will fall into place.... some mother in law's like mine told me to my face that she didn't like me.... and that was afters years of trying to make her happy... my answer to her was why didn't you tell me this before... her answer was i wanted to see how long it would take you to get the picture....
Since than, I stop trying and guess what.! Now that we have to children... she now wantes to spend time with me and the kids... i've asked her if its because of the children that she's doing this she says no.... its because she loves us..... my answer to that questions... was ok......(but deep down in side) i said ya right.... I didn't make a big deal about it because of the kids and that fact that she's now a grand maa.. i'll let the next daughter in law get the better half of her I don't need anyone who doesn't need me!
2006-12-27 05:15:54 · answer #4 · answered by lapeachroses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once you are married you should be the most important woman in your husbands life, I think is natural to feel jelous cause he may neglect you to take care of mom's needs. But if it is just a normal love that is felt from son to mom then I dont think is a problem. Try and see if what you have is low self esteem, if so, then is a matter of acquiring some self confidence, if not and you really feel he is too involved in his mom's life then you need to talk to him and tell him that his over involvement in his mom's life will affect your relationship.
Is he an only child? Is your mother in law alone (doesnt have a partner)? Does she lack close friends? Is he the favorite of your mother in law son's and daughter's? All of this could affect your relationship if their is not a healthy and clear boundary between the two of you and your mother in law.
2006-12-27 05:03:33 · answer #5 · answered by Alejandra 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Makes it harder when you love her too. I know because I have the same issue. The only thing you can do is accept it and be glad you have a good mother in law. Besides I have heard that you want a man who holds their mother on a pedastal because that is indication of where you will be held as well.
2006-12-27 05:04:42 · answer #6 · answered by Kelly B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normal stuff.
You're in competition for his heart.
Understand he already has a place carved in his heart for his mother that will never disappear--a place carved with love.
He has some love left to give, don't be concerned.
She appears, even by your reckoning, as rather decent would-be, mother-in-law, and a great mother to your fiancee.
Sounds like you've got a pretty good deal.
2006-12-27 05:10:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Noone will ever measure up to mom! And you don't want too! Don't ever lose yourself in a relationship, because you will never be happy when you forget who you are!
You are just starting out since you are his fiancee, you will learn things from her as you get more involved in the family, and then there will be things that you will instantly dislike about her.
But it is all in learning to become a member of the family, she may be great now...but when you are his wife......you may become even greater!!!!!
Just don't watch Mother-in-Law the movie....lol
2006-12-27 05:06:03 · answer #8 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my sister explained this very thing to me last week. a man is his mothers son forever. a wife or girlfriend is second. you can't change a man way of thinking about his mom. she will always be first in his life, especially if she should him utter love and devotion in every aspect of his life. and why would you want to be upset with her . look at the the wonderful man she made for you. let it go and continue just like she is your mother.
2006-12-27 05:32:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I ever get married again and have a decent mother-in-law, I'll let you know. My ex mother-in-law was a crazy one and acted as if she was the mother of my son.
2006-12-27 04:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by carangel82 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋