alright i turn 16 here soon, and my boyfriend, the father of my baby, was banded from seeing me until im the age of 18 because of his age(he just recently turned 21, he was 20 when i got pregnant), now since the age of consent here where i live is 16 (Pennsylvania), should i be aloud to be with him & raise our daughter together as long as my parents agree that it is okay?? please help me out, because they are going to try to keep him from seeing his daughter until im at the age of 18 too, and we'd rather be together to raise our first baby, we made the mistake and we believe that would should be together to take care of what we did since it was our responsibility.
thank you.
-Michila
2006-12-27 04:48:03 · 10 answers · asked by Michila Noell 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Who’s trying to keep you and Boyfriend apart? It doesn’t sound like it’s your parents (although frankly if you were my child, I would the one keeping you apart), but maybe the court? Apparently you were under the age of consent when you got pregnant, therefore, boyfriend broke the law, and the fact that you are NOW at the age of consent makes no difference. If he’s not in jail for this (not clear in your post, but kind of sounds like he’s not) then I suggest you be very thankful for that (I guess, although personally I think he belongs in jail far away for all the other little girls in society) and not make any waves about anything.
2006-12-27 05:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I had my first baby at 16 with a guy that was 19. My family choice was to marry him, (it didn't work). But the "lesson I learned from it was); he wasn't ready and I wasn't either. Even though I was very smart about the concept of marriage/raising a family, it did not work and yes there is only one couple that I know of that is still together since junior high guess what, they did not get married until the weekend after the prom and they are doing great.
It's not that they don't want him to see the baby, the point is what and for how long is he going to do for the baby and you. WHAT'S THE RUSH? If he love you and that baby, he should not be rushing you, but helping you for example; you finish school (let him watch the kid on all off days given you some relief. You should never have to ask for money, never. cloths, realible transportation in case the baby need. and more.
But the point is, NO, not right now, if he love you and want peace with his family and yours, wait and make him understand a life time together is a long time, let's make the time last forever, by waiting.
Unless he is rich, forget what I said and move right on in. just joking. finish school from where you are at home and show your baby the correct way to live, because the story you tell them will make them go wrong.
If you would like more of my thoughts I think you can email me. good luck with what ever you do., just think first and get you education, job and a nice wedding, you can't get that now, right. So think, what is the rush???
2006-12-27 13:09:32 · answer #2 · answered by tritt4 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, if he had not been banned which I have to assume was by a court, and your parents went along with it, you two could do almost anything so long as you did not do it in the notice of a third party who cared to make a fuss. Like him copping a feel at the mall in front of a man whose daughter had been molested and he figures out you are too young for the guy (and let's face it, 21yo men do not usually try to look 16 so it wouldn't be rocket science for him to think it) and he snags a mall cop and ta da... Then, of course, all of your loved ones would be hammered. So even if he had not been banned, sooner or later, being with him would damage everyone you love.
However, he WAS banned. If a court banned him, it could only have done so because the prosecutor did not have enough of a case to put him in jail for a long time and offered a deal. That prosecutor is drooling thinking how that guy will never be able to stay away for two more years and how he's going to snatch him up and send him away for years when he does sneak in. Well, I'm sure he's "sneaked in" several times already and not been caught, but you do it openly and he will absolutely be caught, tossed in the can for contempt while they work on getting the ban vacated and the other half of the judge's order put in force and then convict him and "send him away long time." You see, whether they re-activate the old case or simply begin a new one, or both, he's a goner because he is still more than four years older than his minor (you) and it is STILL statutory rape.
As to the more subjective part of things, yes, it is your and his responsibility. That also of your parents to the extent that they might not have properly supervised you (See? That's not absolute, you might have been way too sneaky for themand they might have watched you pretty well. But if you were, what makes anyone think you aren't still just as sneaky? For instance, by trying to squirm about and get some support for doing the wrong thing.) The thing is, acknowledging responsibility, even accepting it and trying to find a good solution to the problems involved, is only a first step. For example, he needs to either leave the situation altogether if he has nothing that will improve your life (And not just right now. It has to improve your life for twenty years.) or he needs to wait until you are 18 and graduated from high school. The first is self-explanatory. The second choice would mean he would have to spend several years accepting limitations from the law on his desires rather than just going the me-me-me route and taking what he wants. Selfish people seldom improve the lives of their partners and NEVER improve the lives of their children. If he cannot do this, then neither of you will ever benefit for long because his whims will change and he will never have developed the ability to deny his whims and desires.
Additionally, psychologically, many people of that sort do not come back to take responsibility for their deeds. They come back for a little while to enjoy what they had again and to show themselves they won, they beat the system, they beat the people who ripped (in this case) the sexy little underage girl from them and scared them into messing their pants. Once they do that though, validate their feelings of conquest and superiority, you get tossed to the same garbage heap you would have ended up on if he had not messed up royally and gotten you pregnant. Too bad for you, but then, so what? so far as he's concerned. He "got over on them all" and that's all that mattered...
If, on the other hand, none of that is so, then he will hate waiting and hate your daughter not knowing him and him her for those very formative years, but he will grit his teeth, accept what's best for her, and for you, and for him in the long run and stay away until you are 18 and graduated from high school.
Lastly, if you ask because you have a friend in this situation and not because it is your own, write your advice for her out and leave it for her to find BEFORE you speak your advice because there's a very good chance you won't say what she wants to hear and she could very well go ballistic and bang, you're gone from her life before you make your points. Written out for her, she might eventually read the whole advice and, even if she does not act on it, she might seek a reconciliation with you. You might save your friendship that way and perhaps even influence her after that.
2006-12-27 13:50:21 · answer #3 · answered by roynburton 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What were you doing screwing around with someone that much older than you at such a young age? Just listen to your parents, as long as you live under their roof, and finish school because odds are not in your favor that your boyfriend will stick around for the long hault and continue to honor his responsibilities. And trust me, from what I've witnessed from seeing many of my friends getting knocked up in high school all the way to my younger brother and his ex...sticking together only because you believe a baby needs 2 parents and for no other reason is a big mistake. Eventually it will become obvious to the kid that he is the only reason you two are together and will feel bad because of that. That is, of course, provided that the two of you stick together that long.
And actually, the correct term for your boyfriend would be 'hebophile' since you were 14 or older when two were having sex.
2006-12-27 12:58:36 · answer #4 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
***READ #7****
Involuntary Deviate Sexual Intercourse (Section 3123) - A person commits a felony of the first degree when he or she engages in deviate sexual intercourse with a complainant:
1.
By forcible compulsion;
2.
By threat of forcible compulsion that would prevent resistance by a person of reasonable resolution;
3.
Who is unconscious or where the person knows that the complainant is unaware that the sexual intercourse is occurring;
4.
Where the person has substantially impaired the complainant's power to appraise or control his or her conduct by administering or employing, without the knowledge of the complainant, drugs, intoxicants or other means for the purpose of preventing resistance;
5.
Who suffers from a mental disability which renders the complainant incapable of consent;
6.
Who is less than 13 years of age; or
7.
Who is less than 16 years of age and the person is four or more years older than the complainant and the complainant and the person are not married to each other.
2006-12-27 13:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by ~Crystal~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your boyfriend was "banded" from seeing you for a very good reason. He's a pedophile. If you are "almost 16" and you already have a baby, that would make you 14 when you got pregnant. If you really want to be with him, you'll wait. And if he really wants you, he'll wait too.
Though he probably should be in prison.
2006-12-27 12:51:56 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel M 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He was over 18 and he was having sex with a 14 or 15 year old girl.
He is a child molestor and should be kept away from you and your baby (and the rest of society).
2006-12-27 12:52:55 · answer #7 · answered by Ricky T 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
seeing how you were under age during the conception then what he did is considered statuatory rape. and if he is willing to sleep with an underage girl then i doubt that he is willing to take responsibility for raising a child.
2006-12-27 12:51:55 · answer #8 · answered by vern7us 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If it were me I would had him arrested for rape because you are underage, and get some counceling for you.
2006-12-27 13:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by sidekick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask a lawyer in your area. They know all the relevant laws.
2006-12-27 12:52:37 · answer #10 · answered by The Big Box 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋