Should I get married or not?

Question

I am 21 and I am engaged to be married in July. I've been with this guy for 2 1/2 years and now I am scared. I think that I need to be on my own and I don't know how to tell him that. Additionally, I just recently have been talking to my ex-boyfriend (as friends) who I think I am still in love with. My ex now says that he really wants me back and he will do anything. He is in the millitary and is on deployment right now and now things are kind of changing and he says he is confused but he still loves me. I think this is b/c he is so far away and doesn't know what to do. What should I do b/c now I don't feel the same for my fiancee. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Don't get married. There is no need to hurt your fiance either, just tell him how you feel but leave the ex out of it. You are years away from being ready to be married.

When you are ready, you won't have any jitters, any second thoughts and you certainly won't have feelings (friendhsip, lust, love or anything else) for any man but the one you are engaged to. And, you will want to run down that aisle and throw yourself in his arms.

The man you are engage to right now...deserves exactly that from the woman he is going to marry. So, let him go so that he can find that kind of woman, you know you aren't that woman.

Good luck.

Answer 2

if ur scared AT ALL, don't do it. u'll regret it later if u walk down that aisle knowing that this is not the man u want 2 marry. now that ur starting 2 have feelings 4 ur ex, getting married should be the last thing on ur list 2 even think about doing.

1-ur scared 2-ur starting 2 have feelings 4 ur ex again
listen: if u really & truly felt that way 4 ur fiance`, u wouldn't be having other feelings 4 someone else. u need 2 decide who u REALLY have those feelings 4 & fast. it will be hard 2 tell ur fiance` if u end up realzing ur love 4 ur ex, but what else r u supposed 2 do? marry someone u don't really have the feelings 4 as u do 4 someone else? no, u marry the person u really have feelings 4.

what does the fact that after talking 2 ur ex u have feelings 4 him tell u? it should tell u that the only reason u got over him was becuz u didn't see him 4 a period of time, but after seeing him again, ur in love with him again...right when the wedding's not long away.

u have a serious decision 2 make, but just follow ur heart cuz in the end, it will be the only thing to help u with this. i hope everything works out ok & u realize what u truly want 4 ur own sake & 4 the guys's sake.

good luck* God bless*

♥ abby ♥

Answer 3

Dear Laura. Life is like a coin, you get to spend it any way you want, but only once. I don't know very many details about the situation, so in the end you'll have to follow your heart.
Many times we get confused, especially when we are facing a big change, and even more when we get scared.
One thing I'll tell you is that whatever your final decisionwill be, it has to be based on Love (true love), whether you marry your present boyfriend or not. I don't know how long you were with the military guy, but I have the feeling that your fiancee is going to be the one. The first thing to do would be to get rid of your fears, because fear is our worst enemy in this case, and it will make you take very shaky decisions with uncertain outcome.
Seek more advise from close friends, but when you evaluate the info you get, don't do it acording to what you want, don't go around until you get the answer you want, but consider every advice you get. God Bless.

Answer 4

No no no no no! You're too young to get married. First, get an education, then live on your own for a while. Then buy your own house. If you're in a steady relationship at 30 yrs of age and are ready, then get married. There's no need to do it any earlier than that. The reason I say this is because you don't truly discover who you are until around 30 years of age. Marriage lasts longer when you marry after you've "found" yourself. Not before. That goes for men as well. Except, I'd maybe bump that number up to 35.

Answer 5

If you're having this kind of doubt, then it's probably better to not get married. It's best to go into marriage intending it to be for the rest of your life, and if you aren't sure you'd be happy with this relationship then it's okay to rethink it. Better to break it off now than have a divorce later.

I would recommend being on your own for a while without this other guy just yet, maybe do some traveling. Traveling can give you some excellent perspective on things because you have new experiences and some time to think.

Answer 6

Marriage is a business arrangement. Emotion is only the icing on the cake. If you have doubts, don't. And you obviously do. If your betrothed really cares about your welfare, he will give you more time. We are a bag of chemicals and at 21 you have raging hormones if you are anything like I was. I married at 53, never wanted children and so saw no reason until pensions, medical issues and inheritance made it desirable for me to marry.

Answer 7

Seek pre-marital counseling. Your concerns may be just pre-wedding jitters, or they may be serious problems you need to address. Ask the officiant who will be performing the ceremony where you can get pre-marital counseling - many churches requires couples to get this counseling before the wedding.

Also, be sure that you know what you really want - first you say you want to be on your own, and then in the next breath you say you want to get back with your ex. Do you really want to be on your own for awhile, or are you just fearing commitment (or commitment to the wrong person) and what it may require of you?

Answer 8

I think people marry for different reasons... love, financial stability, arranged marriages, children, etc.

Unfortunately, it is obvious that you are not ready to get married... at least not for LOVE.

I really don't like to "blast" my personal experiences, but take it from me...

I was with this man for 8 years before we got married at 22. Before we got married I had reservations too... and trust me, it wasn't "cold feet." Subconsciously I knew it wasn't going to last, but I figured it was the right thing to do.
We were married for less than two years.
I realized I really "...(needed) to be on my own..."

You, too, seem to have some reservations about this marriage, let alone this guy... my suggestion... don't go through with it.

You might feel pressured that you have to get married, or that you might let some people down if you don’t, but NOW is the best time to stop things before it gets "uglier" down the line. Besides, you need to take care of yourself and figure out what’s best for you.

I have a friend who just got married this year.
He had reservations also... and EVERYONE thought it was a bad idea for them to get married... but he felt pressured. There was so much involved in the wedding and he didn't want to let anyone down... as well as his daughter... but TWO MONTHS later... they're separated and getting an annulment. Now he has to apologize for to everyone who “sponsored” their wedding... etc. etc.

Better to not go through it now... the consequences won’t be as drastic, although it may seem like it. Plus, don’t marry that poor guy if you don’t even love him, that would be cruel.

Besides, it’s expensive to get a divorce.

As for your ex-boyfriend who is still in love with you... I think it’s best to set him aside for later, also. Give yourself some “healing” time... not saying that you’ll be devastated about the “not getting married,” but it’s obvious that you need some time to think. And not about men, just YOU. You said you needed time on your own... I think you should take that time before you begin another relationship, even if it is with an ex who is still madly in love with you.

...and to end, keep in mind:

“If you have to think about whether you love someone or not then the answer is “NO.” When you love someone you just know.” - Janice Markowitz


.pEace.

Answer 9

No--I don't getting married with mixed feelings this way is real good idea at this time. Call of the engagement and figure out what you want.

Answer 10

Don't get married unless you are absolutely sure that you can COMMIT to him for the rest of your life. That is how divorce happens. Too many people go thru with it when they don't have the committment in their own hearts.