Should I leave him?

Question

Hi,
I just got back with my b/f a little over a year ago, prior to that we dated for 3 months and during that time I got pregnant. We broke up before I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he really had no interest in our child. As time passed my daughter grew up and had very little contact with her father and last year before she turned 1 he started coming around because he broke up with his g/f. We started our relationship again but I have lost all interest in him. I know he is really into me, but I don't feel the same. Sometimes I wonder if it is just a phase that will end or if it'll just get worse. Sometimes I just want to cry because I hate the feeling of having to be with someone I am not attracted to. Also my daughter is a big issue because now that she has her father I can't really take him away from her and I know that if I break up with him he will not come around to see her anymore.Anyways please help me and let me know what you think!!Thanks a million.

Mimi

Answer 1

You have to be true to yourself - first and foremost. If you don't love him, then you shouldn't be with him. What are you teaching your daughter if you stay with a man you don't love? And the fact that he will disappear out of your daughter's life if you leave him shows that your daughter is better off without him anyway. She needs a parent who is commited to her...and clearly, he is not!

Answer 2

Hi. Your daughter must be a true gift from heaven! I'm very sorry he did not come around much until the time she turned one. I think you should give yourself two weeks to see how you really feel about your baby's father. If by two weeks you do not find anymore interest in your baby's father, then I feel like you both should break up because the chemistry probably won't be there for a lifetime or perhaps just for a little while.

But, if you do decide to break up with the baby's father, have a thoughout and thorough conversation with him. Ask him if he still wants to see the baby and if he does, allow him to. But if he doesn't, don't sweat it. My mom left my father because he was very abusive to the both of us, physically to me and more emotionally to my mom. My dad did drugs around me and would get very drunk everyday. I got into contact with him recently and the drugs/alcohol are still a problem. I know this doesn't relate to you but the point I'm trying to cross is that the baby doesn't need a father as much as the baby needs the mother!

Good luck to you and your child.

Answer 3

Mimi:

This is a tough one. Do you think you're carrying around a lot of unresolved anger toward your boyfriend? I wouldn't blame you at all-- but it may be preventing you from a loving relationship with him. (Or from anyone else, for that matter)

To tell you the truth, he doesn't sound like much of a prince. First he leaves you, then comes back only because he's finished with his other girlfriend. And, if you know that he won't come to see his little precious daughter if you aren't with him... then he really isn't worth much at all.

You deserve so much better. And, if you detach yourself from him, you'll only open up a space where you will attract some guy who cherishes both you and your daughter.

Bottom line: I don't think he's good for you or your daughter.
But, remember to take care of yourself, too. See if you can get rid of the anger and forgive him. Not for him (the jerk) but for yourself and your daughter. The anger toward him is like taking a poison pill and hoping he's the one who gets sick.

Good luck. You can do it.

Answer 4

I think you should give it some time to see if you'll have a change of heart. I've been in the same situation, minus the kid, and it's worth it to wait and see. Espcially if you have so much at stake like your kid. I think it's wrong to come around for his daughter after he broekup with his gf. That's where you went wrong. You neve should've taken him back. You should've let him see his daughter but kept away from him romantically. Now you're stuck. If he won't come around for his daughter if you break up with him then that just prooves how much of an asshole he is and how you never shouldve gotten back with him. Give it some time before you traumatize your kid.

Answer 5

OK Mimi..well ill try to help you with this situation well i dont know much about having kids but i mean i babysit my baby sister 24/7 i kind of have an idea ok well maybe you dont like him that much but i mean if he likes you then give it some time maybe you will come around and maybe you guys will end up loving each other someday but just do it for your daughter she is first experiencing what it is to have a dad your childs happiness should be all that matters to you(in my point of view) so thats my advice to you i hope you find it useful!
~*+vanessa+*~

Answer 6

Tell him tht the relationship is not working for you, then sit and discuss child support, visitation. Keep it on a business level. Life rules do not say that you have to be in a relationship with the father of you child in order for him to have a relationship with his daughter. Life is short don't spend it being in a unhappy relationship

Answer 7

Leave Him..NOW!!! You don't love him so that is the most important reason of all too leave him. And in my honest opinion, your little girl will be much better off without her daddy!! I think that in your heart you must know this. Because if he doesn't want too see her if you two break up than he certainly doesn't love her. Get rid of him and find someone that you truely love love and loves you and your daughter both. You will be much happier and so will your child.

Answer 8

If you disagree with your feelings towards him then you should just let it go if he refuses to come see the child then threaten him with child support and i am sure he would rathe visit the child than pay 300-600 dollars amonth.

Answer 9

wow...is that the kind of guy that you really want in your life...one that you always have to worry about leaving....if he loves you and loves your daughter then you wouldn't feel this way....as you said, he only came back because he broke up with his gf.....why would you want to spend your life in an unhappy relationship...move on with your life...if he loves your dtr he will still be a part of her life...if he doesn't, why would you want him there.....you and your daughter deserve better

Answer 10

You've been turned off by his initial indifference and can't forget it. Tell him exactly how you feel and it won't change. Let him in on his daughters life tho...she will need that.