We have been married for more than 3 years and known each other for about 10 years. For last 2 years I've been chasing a career and dreams to make the life better and I guess I neglected my wife completely. I even forgot her birthday once and didn't buy any presents on special occasions. When I got a better job I refused few times to go shopping or out together.
She was coming home late and sometimes drunk without telling me where she was and without calling me before. I always let her go party with friends and didn't force anything. About 3 days ago I shouted at her after she came back really late and drunk - she also mentioned why I let her go party and maybe we should separate. After that she completely broke up and stopped talking to me, calling me and she said that she doesn't love me anymore. She even took off her engagement ring and necklace I gave her on this christmas. She says that she leaves and it's too late now for the things to come back. I love her more than anything.
2006-12-27 03:23:46 · 17 answers · asked by Eric 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sometimes you dont know what you got till its gone good luck
2006-12-27 03:27:27 · answer #1 · answered by traci c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh hun.. you've got yourself in a mess. Let's see what we can come up with. Now I'm a wee bit confused because your title states wife and within your details you mention engagement ring. So dear which is this your wife or soon to be wife?
I'll just go with wife.
First you should never place your job etc over your wife you see that's a mistake a lot of people make men and women. She's been there for you and with you since you started chasing your dream.
I suggest that you remember the reason you married your wife and you answer is there on how to restore your marriage. Go back and recreate some things that you both done together that were happy, romantic and so forth.
This is going to be a tough job for you dear, but if you love your wife then you'll do the work. Yes, she has to want this too but remember you allowed her to start going out and didn't complain to much about it back then.
It will be like taking candy from a child HARD to keep her from going out a lot now. So I suggest that you go out with her hun don't place your world around your job. Jobs come all the time but the love of your life may only come once.
Don't give up she just may be testing you and rightfully so dear you placed her on mute/hold for a while. I'm sure things will work out and the two of you will be alright. You just have to get over this speed bump..but together.
My advice may not be what you were thinking it should be, but the bottom line is if you want something bad enough you'll work your tush off to get it.. Like you did to get your dream job.. This time do it to save your marriage and restore it too!
Best of luck.. now stop reading this and hop to it dear go get your wife!!
2006-12-27 11:34:53 · answer #2 · answered by ssgtmommy01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it you drove your wife out there I have never been married but every woman wants to feel like she is the most important thing in the world, And its good you are trying to build your career and all but you have to balance both of marriage and career. Seek marriage counselor and if you are in church talk to your pastor or minister about it also. You have to gain her trust back and forgetting her birthday wasn't cool either women some like unexpected things from there man, And basically you have to start back over from with your wife she is hurting and drinking is the only way she thinks she can ease her pain, Give her space and ask God for strength and pray that God will see you and your wife through this challenging time good luck to you .
2006-12-27 11:38:05 · answer #3 · answered by Neek-Neek 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am so sorry. Marriage is not easy. I would try to sit her down, and tell her how much you love her, and that you don't want this marriage to end. I would suggest to her that you go to marriage counseling. This does help. Ask her what you need to do to fix this marriage. Then I would also tell her again that you were trying to make a better life for the both of you. Sometimes it takes almost losing someone to appreciate what you had. Good luck to you.
2006-12-27 11:33:25 · answer #4 · answered by ddcalny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tel you this, but women never forget....anything. You hurt her feelings when you didn't think she was important enough to remember her birthday and other occasions. I don't care how "busy" you were, you should never forget those things because to a woman, it tells her how much you mean to her.
I think the damage is done. The remark about letting her go out and party tells me she is really wondering if you care enough about her at all to even care that she is out at bars!
If you love this woman and want it to work, you will have to prove it to her. Make an appt. with a marriage counselor and tell her you will do what it takes to rekindle the love and get her back.
Good luck.
2006-12-27 11:29:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she truly loves, you it's not too late to get things back. But it's taken alot of courage for you to admit your mistake. Keep in mind that she is attention starved and neglected and that you will have to do a lot of work to convince her that you are not simply keeping her around for your benefit but tbecause you truly love her. With any women, the best way to win her back is to win her heart. You can do all of this firstly, by doing all of the things that you know you neglected to do. Then, take a true interest in her desires and needs. She's supported you through your career move so now it's time to cater to her and hers. If you are willing to put in the effort, the reward of having her love back is well worth it.
2006-12-27 11:29:21 · answer #6 · answered by Dazed and Confused?? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm sure you thought you were doing the right thing.
It sounds as though she's been trying to get your attention for years... and you haven't paid attention.
I'd suggest BEGGING her for another chance. Get into couples therapy... and get your priorities in order. You're going to have to put even more effort into this relationship than you put into your career and "dreams."
If you're lucky, she'll give you one last chance. And if you blow that, sorry to say, she's right to leave.
Three years is a long time for anyone to feel neglected and unloved. You have a lot of making up to do.
Good luck.
2006-12-27 11:35:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try the marriage counsler that might help, you need to change your ways and understand that there is more to life than making money, you need to court your wife all over again, give her flowers cook her dinner, let life revolve around her, then the job. I think that she still loves you but who can compete with a job and no support. Do you ever talk to her as a person?
2006-12-27 11:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm that's a tough question. To be honest with you, women have the tendency to love you men even when you are acting unlovable and even when you don't deserve it. However everyone has their limit and apparently she has reached hers. The drinking and partying was due to frustration and loneliness.
It had to take her leaving you for you to wake up. Try marrigae counseling if she is willing. Unfortunately it may be to late. The only thing that I can suggest is that you try to win her back and if you do...don't negelct her again. If not, learn from this and learn how to balance your career and love life.
2006-12-27 11:29:47 · answer #9 · answered by mothersister_3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love her more than anything? So why doesn't she know that? You neglected her for two years, and she has finally had enough. She is now living her life instead of sitting around waiting for you...and you don't like it. If you want things to be fair, you should put up with her lifestyle for two years...silently waiting for her to come home and find time for you.
2006-12-27 11:29:25 · answer #10 · answered by Super Ruper 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my guess is it's too late. don't blame it all on you because it takes 2 to tango. sounds like she is having 2 much fun without you and i would guess there is another guy involved. she is out without you getting drunk is never a good sign. it sucks and i feel your pain but you are better off in the long run without her. secrets and lies put a big damper in the trust you 2 had. i don't think you can ever go back
2006-12-27 11:36:04 · answer #11 · answered by bone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋