My wife and I are getting separated. We have both hurt each other many times over the last year and half. When we talk about it, we both end up in tears thinking about all of the good times we had. We've been a part of each other's lives for 10 years now...friends, then dating, then engaged and married. We've tried talking about things and working out our problems numerous times, but always end up back at square one. We are in our mid 20's and have no kids, so it will be just like starting life over. Why is it that the good times rise to the top and we are so sad about a decision that will stop us from hurting each other?
2006-12-27 03:02:59 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have given it several shots, but this last time she has crossed the line again and I cannot ever trust her again. As much as I love her, I can't live life constantly having to wonder what she's doing behind my back.
2006-12-27 03:09:29 · update #1
I grew up thinking that when I got married it would be forever. I believed in the whole "fairy tale" of growing old together and being happy forever. I never imagined that my husband and I would grow apart and would change.
When we were facing divorce, we did think of all the good times we had. It wasn't that we were horrible people, we just weren't right for each other. We knew that we would be better off, but we also felt the sadness of letting go. It's hard to let go of your dreams, and of the partner who had been a part of your life for so long. We thought about staying together, because that is the whole point of marriage. But we realized that we were different and had to move on without each other.
The good times will always be forefront in your mind, because you still care about one another as people. It is hard to know at what moment everything changed and it's hard to accept that it's over. You may be better off without each other, but it's going to be hard to not be in each other's lives. You will miss each other and at least you will be able to look back on your time together and smile.
The simple answer is that you remember the good times because you don't want to have any hard feelings for each other.
2006-12-27 03:12:45 · answer #1 · answered by torn 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you still love your wife and she loves you.. You keep ending up back at square one because you both dont know what the hell you are doing. You want my advice, give it one more shot... you owe it to yourself , you owe it to her and you owe it to God. after all it coulndt of all been bad or you would not of stayed with her for 10 years. But what you need to do this time is go get professional counceling..
learn how to treat each other.. You might be amazed . Look at it this way, your only in your 20's so young enough to start over.. but do you want to regret soething 10 years from now? you can spare another year.. if you do everything in your power to reconcile and goto counceling and she isnt willing to change the things that hurt you.. or it still doesnt work, then you can walk away with no regrets that you did all you could do.. You can feel at peace with God and yourself that you did the right thing.. When you get a diviorse , you shouldnt have any doubts in your mind at all.. it should be a breath of fresh air.. You have big doubts.. clear them up now..
Get family and friends involved and give it all you got.. the bad feelings will go away in time.. if she continues doing the things to hurt you after you put into 150% then F her and walk away.. youll know then your doing the right thing and wont be thinking of all the good times.. Get your friends and family involved, go woo her, date all over again.. and get counceling.. get everyone involved... if you change for the better and she doenst, you'll feel better that it wasnt your fault.. you did everything you could and walking away will feel good. good luck
2006-12-27 04:01:13 · answer #2 · answered by bob z 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is like looking at a photo album. You never take pictures of the bad times. There are no funerals, loss of loved ones, the fights, the car wrecks the time in the hospital. Only the joyful times, birthdays holidays, vacations and anniversaries. It is like you really don't remember pain, you can remember happiness but not the pain.
2006-12-27 03:36:36 · answer #3 · answered by Johnboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no need to remember the bad things, you already know that's what causing you to get a divorce.
2006-12-27 03:28:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
beacuse through it all it is in our nature to only remember the good times! if you really love each other, you need to give it another shot
2006-12-27 03:06:12 · answer #5 · answered by Brian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋