Should a married man tell a girl he likes her, even though he can't pursue a relationship?

Question

I'm in a newly married 30-year-old man and have known a girl as a friend for a little while. Recently when our group went on a holiday, she and I had a chance to talk more and it seems I felt for her. I know that I don't want to ruin our marriage. The question here is: Should a married man tell a (single) girl that he likes her, even though he can't pursue a relationship?

There is a reason for my question. During our talk, she mentioned that it will be a pity if one dare not tell another about their true feelings. They may live their lives regretting not saying it.

Answer 1

No, please don't complicate matters.
I can see that u r behaving pretty maturely, & responsibly.
But r u sure the girl is mature too?
just because she dared u to come out, will u take the bait?
I feel from ur question that she has an interest in u already.
Don't fan a wildfire.
Think of it this way: what if ur grown son asked u the very question that u r asking?

Answer 2

Don't tell this girl because if you do you run the risk of your wife finding out and that could ruin everything you and your wife have worked so hard to build. Marriage is a sacred thing, not only physically but spiritally as well, and if u you truly loved your wife you would resist temptation. Yes, anyone can get atracked to someone new becuase you see certain qualities in them that make you say wow but you have to think in the long run, you married your wife for a reason because you loved her. It sounds to me that this girl is trying to lead you on by saying "it will be a pity if one dare not tell another about their true feelings"..don't fall for it. How did you get into this conversation anyway? Girls can almost always tell when the person they are talking to has the slightest of feelings for them she's just trying to get you to confess so she could remove all doubt..please if u love your wife don't fall for it. Marriage is a beautiful thing and you might find out that once you let something like that get in the way you may encounter problems and might end up regretting losing your wife. Since you say you think you feel something for this girl try to maintain a certain distance from her and go on and be with you wife. I wish you the best! Use your wisdom and do the right thing in NOT telling this girl how you feel knowing you are married! Think of how many people you may end up hurting and remind yourself that marriage is not a game you are a committed 30-year old man..it's time to get serious and not fall for any girl you see just because there pretty or there fun to talk to remember you have a wife at home who has been there for you and most importantly LOVES YOU!!!

Answer 3

So she wants to hear you say you have feelings for her. Why? I can think of two reasons. Either she wants to have a relationship with you or she "just" wants to hear that your marriage ain't all it's cracked up to be. Do either of those sound good to you?

And you, for your part, want to say it. Why? Think of all the possible ways that this could go forward if you say something like that to her. What outcome could there possibly be that would make your life better than it is right now? And how many of the possible outcomes would make things worse?

You would have to be mad to take this one any further. The whole point of getting married is that you've decided that you are ready, willing and able to move beyond the adolescent stage of finishing with someone because you've met someone else who you think you might like better.

If you don't like this girl better than your wife, then you need to stop playing games and put your marriage FIRST, where it belongs (and certainly above some trite comment by a near-stranger with an ulterior motive). If you do, you should still think long and hard before deciding to act on this, because a track record of a marriage which lasted only a few months won't make you look much of a catch to ladies in the future.

Answer 4

What is there to gain by telling her? You say you are newly married, so if you have feelings for someone else so soon when you are supposed to be in the honeymoon period, what chance for your future

If the boot was on the other foot how would you feel - would it bother you that your wife had feelings for someone else.

So you tell this girl of your feelings what then? Do you really think that by doing that you will both walk away and that will be the end of it. Don't be a chump face up to facts, that will be the beginning of the end for you and your wife - or the start of a life of deceipt and deception.

Is that what you really want for your future? Only you can decide

Answer 5

no! marriage is sacred, no one should interfear with a marriage! especially if you only "like" someone, it could hurt a lot of innocent people, and open a can of worms that you wont be able to put the top back on! i would just try to move on with someone else! i mean come on, say the man did tell her and she left her husband, and they got together, she ended up pregnant, then he realizes that it was'nt for love in the first place, and then split. let's just catch up for a moment, ok ruined marriage, unplaned pregnancy, now you are stuck in eachothers life,paying support for years to come, and probally fighting for visitation. now you move on, find that special someone, get married and start a new life together. then happiness set's in, and you are all comfortable in your marriage, and then some guy tells your wife is in love with her! sorry for all of the drama but i have seen my brother go through this same thing, and now he cannot have a relationship with anyone because he has 3 kids (maybe 4) with 3 different girls, and the sons mamma is not with him, yet she runs off any potential women that he comes in contact with! so think things through carefully, you don't want this to be your future do you! because what goes around comes around!

Answer 6

Depends what you hope to gain from this. People often say honesty is the best policy, that's not always true. By telling this girl how you feel, you're opening up the possibility that your wife may find out, eg, what if she confides to a mutual friend about what you said, and that friend tells your wife? Would she understand? Have you told your wife how you feel about this girl? If you're happily married, and just want to keep this girl as a friend, then keep it on that basis. It may prove difficult to keep things on an even keel with both her and your wife if you've opened up to this girl. I don't want to sound preachy, but it's human nature (and statistically likely) that at some point once you're married you'll meet someone who, if you weren't married, you might want to 'get to know better'. You just have to accept that if you value your marriage, you have to walk away.
You also need to consider what this girl is after here. Is she looking for a boyfriend? A married man to have a fling with? As for regrets, yes, everyone has things they regret, it's human nature, is this something worth potentially risking your marriage over?

Answer 7

If you don't want to pursue a relationship with her, don't tell her. Saying you like her will only give her the green light and will make it very hard for the two of you to resist.

Why not spend a little time trying to work ut what the problems are in your marriage (you wouldn't be falling for other people if there weren't any) and work on them. Take your wife away and remember why you married her.

Answer 8

Don't say a word, unless it is to your wife. And don't spend anymore alone time with this girl. It is not moral and I am sure you would not want your wife having the same conversations with another man. This girl knows that you are newly married and has no right entering into that relationship. Sounds like she wants what she can't have or is just stirring up the pot. Don't take the bait.

Answer 9

this is one of the reasons why marriage is such a joke. yeah, you're married but not dead, but what would be the purpose in telling this girl that you like her? you say you can't pursue a relationship but it sounds like if you could, you most certainly would. it's hypocritical for you to declare your commitment to one woman through marriage and yearn for another. i don't know the history of your relationship with your wife, but perhaps marriage wasn't the right decision for you after all. because then you could tell your true feelings to whomever you choose and truly have no regrets whatsoever.

Answer 10

It wouldn't hurt to tell her if you have known each other for a long time AND you also tell her that have will not be acting on you disclosure. She will be flattered that someone cared for her in this way and she will also hold you in a higher respect for not acting on it. BUT also think about how your wife might react. Some women are secure enough to deal with it, some are not.