What to do?

Question

I just found out my husband of 6 years has been cheating on me for the past year with another woman. I love him deeply and am feeling very hurt right now. However, I'm confused on what I should do. I keep repeating the scence of how it happened in my head and that's all I can think about. I don't know what to do about it. He wants me to take him back and he promises it won't happen and he wants our marriage to work. If he wanted that then why did he do this in the first place? I felt like he was blaming me for it. He said he did it becasue I had pictures of other guys and their phone numbers in my phone. Well, I have two that are from work and only for work purposes only. However, he has tons of girls in his phone book on his phone. I love him and am very confused right now and I guess I'm looking for some advice and maybe some encouraging words. I don't know what I did wrong for him to hurt me like this. Can anyone help me out?

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear that your situation has turned out like this. I would suggest seeing a pastor, or marriage counselor on your situation. They can help you quite a bit with these types of problems. I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 2

This is what I like to call blaming the victim. It's just a simple tactic that a lot of people use to shift guilt and blame from themselves. The first sign that you should be ready and willing to move on is that he's not even willing to take full responsibility for his actions. If he were truly sorry, he wouldn't even think or suggest that somehow you are to blame. He cheated simply because it was there and he wanted to, period. The hurt wouldn't last forever, trust me. But what you need to do is seriously think about you own well being and interest right now because someone has to. Don't blame yourself. Be strong and encouraged that you've done everything you could and that he made a poor choice which he is now attempting to blame you for. Hold you head up and let him know you wouldn't tolerate such disrespect. It WILL be OK. If you are religious, pray about it. God WILL work it out and take away the confusion as well.

Answer 3

Your husband is a lying cheater. There is NO possible justification for cheating. I would normally recommend divorce, but not this time. You say hubby is blaming you. I can understand that. You NEED guys' pictures on your phone????? NEED? Bill, from accounting- 461-555-5555 wouldn't be enough, you gotta have his pic? So what if hubby has women's pics- that doesn't mean you had to have pics too. You two have screwed up your relationship. And, it didn't happen overnight. Your only hope to save this marriage is MAJOR changes. A guy that tries to blame his wife's phone pics for his cheating is as silly as his wife saying that it's reasonable for her to have a couple different guys' pics on her phone, cuz hubby has lots of women's pics on his phone. My answer sounds silly, because you are in a silly situation. You two need to move into an adult relationship, rather than one still back in Jr. High. Either get divorced, or start being a team. It's supposed to be you two, against anything life throws at you. Decide what you want. And, grow up.

Answer 4

Many people will start blaming others for their actions after they're caught. I'm sure it's not your fault.

To tell you the truth, you'll be hurt for awhile (length is dependent on you). You can ease your pain by talking to friends and families. If you're too embarrassed, talking to stranger will help too.

The question you might be asking is why do people cheat. People cheat for many reasons. Some will cheat because the opportunity is there. Others will cheat because the current relationship lacks something. Maybe it's the spark that was once there (at the beginning of the relationship). It could be that they only wanted to see if they still have in them to make other people say..wow, he/she is cute.

No one can tell you what you need to do. You'll need to search that within you. Just ask yourself, will you ever trust him again?

Marriages and relationship is based on mutual respect and trust.

Answer 5

You probably didn't do anything wrong. He's saying anything he can to take the blame off him. Kick him to the curb. He doesn't deserve you. If he really loved you and wants your marriage to work, he wouldn't have cheated on you in the first place, let alone have a 1 year relationship with another women.

Answer 6

Men who cheat ALWAYS blame the woman they cheated on...that's just what they do. That, of course, doesn't mean it's true. He cheated because he wanted to - not because of any phone numbers you had on your phone. He's just trying to find an excuse.

And the next time he cheats, he'll do the same thing...he'll find another "reason" to say it was your fault.

My advice is to find yourself a man who knows what it means to be faithful in a marriage. I do believe in the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater". It's never been proven wrong.

Answer 7

You didn't have to do anything wrong. He had his excuses lined up. If he has a book full of girls numbers, then its a sure bet you found out about one, but he has had others before this one why else have girls numbers on his phone if hes not calling them?. He even had the one about your work numbers in place so he could call you on it when you found out about his girls. You are either gonna love this lying dog, or get out.
Personally, I'd rather keep my self respect than a man who wants me to feel guilty cause HE cheated. But if you want him, keep him maybe he likes your cooking? And if thats enough for you, honey, who am I to complain?

Answer 8

I'd suggest you two find a good marriage counselor to help you deal with how this happened, to forgive him, and make sure it doesn't happen again. It's not your fault though, I can tell you that. Your hubby made the decision, not you. Don't blame yourself and don't let him blame you either.

If he won't agree to counseling ASAP, then go by yourself. You may want to separate in the mean time. But don't just go rush into divorce court. See if he is sincere and willing to fix what he just broke.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Girl, I really hate to say this but I believe you are in far a fall - If you can no trust your spouse than you have a problem - Maybe you both have a problem - but the stuff is about to hit the fan - prepare yourself and get ready - or sit down and have an adult discussion about your situation - ask about these other girls and ask if he really wants your relationship to melt down. You both need to reevaluate your specific situation. If you love him let him know and fight girl for what you want.

Answer 10

well girl the old saying go's what come's around go's around.i don't think he will change. so the truth is leave him.........ps good luck