Two and a half months ago i found out my partner of 6 years had been seeing someone else for four weeks, i left him and now he wants us back. He had a relationship with this girl that lasted 6 weeks and he realised he couldnt live without us. The last 4 weeks he has been trying to prove himself to me and i so badly want to be with him. Our seven month old Daughter loves him and so do i, I have told him i need time to think about it and i need some advise as my family is not very helpful.
2006-12-27 02:25:11 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was only 14 he was 17 when we started going out so we are both only young, he said he doesnt want to miss out on anything in our babies life and i have told him that he can be her father anywhere with anyone but if we get back together it has to be because he loves me i have also suggested he see a therapist before we (if we) get back together and then couples therapy.
2006-12-27 02:48:51 · update #1
6 years trashed for a 4 week episode seems a bit harsh. Okay, he hurt you. He seems to have realised his 'mistake' and, let's face it none of us are perfect. You need to look into your heart and decide if you love him enough to forgive. Four weeks trying to prove himself, is good, but it'll take longer than that to re-establsih trust between you.
The big problem with advice is........only you know the whole picture and what works for me, for example, will not work for you. We are all individuals.......my 'solution' could be your 'worst nightmare'. You have to listen to yourself and decide what it is that you want from this relationship, then you need to talk that out with your partner. But, you have to have an honest discussion with, preferably, not putting him on the defensive or a guilt trip - he's already feeling guitly enough by the sound of it. He tried the other grass and realised it isn't sweeter.
2006-12-28 06:30:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should seek counseling so that you can come up with an effective solution. Don't expect your family to be helpful especially if that know that he cheated on you. But sometimes, men have to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side and it appears that he has. But if you DO decide to get back, then I would suggest that you do so with a very serious attitude and a non-tolerance rule for cheating again because the truth of the matter is that once someone cheats and you take them back, often times, they will do it again. But I would see a counselor and give yourself plenty of time to think about this as there will be many questions that you have and alot of emotional baggage that comes with an affair. But sure that you can handle this and still care for you 7 month old.
2006-12-27 10:31:04 · answer #2 · answered by Dazed and Confused?? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For someone who has become a father recently his behaviour seems very irresponsible & inmature. I would expect someone in his position to be doing whatever he could for for the mother of his child.
It is all very well you both wanting to be together, but how you will react if he comes home late one night? What thoughts will go through your head? Do you think you will be able to trust him again?
If you think you will be able to trust him again, then perhaps you should give the relationship another go. And if your boyfriend goes to counselling, maybe you should go as well as it would help you to understand why cheated on you in the first place.
If you don't have trust, then you will only end up arguing & the relationship will break down. It is no good for either of you to stay together for the sake of your daughter in those circumstances.
Good luck.
2006-12-27 13:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by Kingbee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound a wise and sensible person; you're right to tell him that you want time. You could still meet him from time to time so that he has contact with you and your daughter but tell him that you need at least a 3 month gap before moving in together or sleeping together again. If he is seriously sorry then he'll understand that this is a fair test of how you both feel.
2006-12-29 10:24:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every one deserves a chance. You must follow your heart and dont listen to what other people say it is your life. It sounds like he is really trying to make an effort and for your daughters sake also you should give it another go. Sometimes men realise what they really want, after an affair. If you can forgive him and want him back, then go for it and start the New Year off together!
2006-12-27 10:30:40 · answer #5 · answered by Annie M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry that your in that situation. I think that you need some time to make yourself happy take some time to think and enjoy friends and your daughter. If he is proves to you over some time that he can be trusted give him another chance. Trust is a big part, if you get back together and don't trust him the relationship will fall apart. You can rebuild a relationship after cheating but it takes time
2006-12-27 10:48:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone who understands their mistake asks for forgiveness
AND promises never to do it again deserves a second chance.
That would be ONE second chance.
Maybe you should see how committed he is.
Make him marry you to let him back in.
What are you doing having a baby with a guy you are not married to? You have no legal standing to request support , cannot sue to force sale of property and indicates a lack of your own commitment. You've reached a perfect point to get married let him move back and start over.
Why not try it with marriage this time.
Its really difficult to be sympathetic when you allow this to go on 6 years without the formal commitment.
2006-12-27 10:33:26 · answer #7 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you can decide as he has hurt you. if he has really learnt he cant be without you then you should consider taking him back. if your child loves him and you do then it should work if you can forgive him. this cannot be an issue in the relationship though or it will never work again. take your time and have a long talk with him before taking him back. the worst thing would be to get back for the wrong reasons.
hope it goes well
2006-12-27 10:31:32 · answer #8 · answered by Mr Cynical 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Wise Man Once Said
"A Leopard Never Changes His Spots"
2006-12-28 03:53:48 · answer #9 · answered by kremmen001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to say. trust your insticts, there is a child invoved and you dont want her to grow up without a father. if you can sincerly beleave he will change take achance. but there has to be honesty and communication in the relationship so it doesnt happen again. as well as he has to keep his pants up for everyone but you. I would also say if he is going to come back to you give him a probation period and then make a commitment, 6 years with no marriage is a long time. Men are more likely to cheat when there is no legal binding to hold them back.
2006-12-27 10:33:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋