My boyfriend (who I live with) struggles with money his budgeting skills aren't the best. I often gave him money to help him out which I rarely made him pay back. But I found myself getting really angry when I noticed he always made sure he had enough money for a night out with his mates even. It made me realise I was his safety net so he still wasn't learning to budget.
Recently I decided to stop doing this and to tell him I didn't have any money either. I put any spare money I have into a savings account that he can't access. However, his car needs a service and he hasn't got any money to pay for it. I could easily pay for it for him. I feel guilty seeing him struggle when I have the money there but at the same time I feel angry when he goes for expensive nights out or wastes money that I’ve given him. I don't know what is right or wrong - just looking for advice!
2006-12-27 02:10:13 · 34 answers · asked by ? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What are you? The Bank of Pretend Mum? Tell him to get a grip, be a proper man and stop scrounging. You're not his mother, you're suposed to be his girlfriend. Therefore, you're in a relationship which I hope is a two way, give and take thing. Stop giving him pocket money, sit down with him and do a budget for his salary. And make him stick to it.
2006-12-27 02:18:35 · answer #1 · answered by Roxy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let him pay for his repairs for his car. You're right, you have been his safety net . He will never learn too manage money and be responsiabile if you keep handing him money. If he has too go without things for a while, he will eventually learn that in order too have money he will have too budget his payday or go without! Don't give in too him because he is struggling!! We all have too go through struggles in life,and most of the time it just helps us become better people. Be strong so you can help your boyfriend become a responsiable adult. You will be thankful you held out later. Good luck..
2006-12-27 02:32:12 · answer #2 · answered by Rose T 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad, your teaching him a huge lesson. Men easily fall into the trap of relying on other people. He has to take some responsibility for his own life.
I would sit him down and have a heart to heart about it. Tell him how you feel about the situation. And help him to set up a budget.
The best thing you can do for him is help him control his own finances, because if you keep giving him the easy way out and paying for him, he'll never learn.
Hope this helps :-)
2006-12-27 02:16:13 · answer #3 · answered by Linsay M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he call you Mommy?
Obviously he has some serious growing up to do and if you keep bailing him out then he will continue to use you for his safety net.
Bummer that his car isn't working, but a few missed nights out with the mates will help him save. Might even make him realize that he needs to readjust his financial skills!
2006-12-27 02:30:50 · answer #4 · answered by Susie D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are doing the right thing by not giving money. If you bail him out of every situation he is not going to learn anything about how to budget his money since he knows you will always help him. I would feel bad since he is struggling but you know what you work hard forn your money too, and why should you have to always bail him out.
2006-12-27 02:15:22 · answer #5 · answered by Mary C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, you are going about this the right way. Hats off to you! Tough love sometimes is difficult for everyone and this is what you are going through.
Remember, You are not married. He is an adult. Finances are a huge issue with many couples. If you plan on staying with this man, I would encourage you to sit down and come up with a game plan.
My husband cannot budget. However we have our bills paid and he sits down with me and help pay the bills. We each get an allowance to do what we want to. We also have separate accounts for personal use and one for our basic budget. This strategy works for many couples, but you may need to explore a way for it to work out between the two of you, if you are planning on staying with this man!
2006-12-27 02:23:37 · answer #6 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was me a few years ago. I now have a partner who has shown me how to take care of my fiances were as before I would live for today and tomorrow was another day. Now I can go on holiday twice a year and if my car breaks down I know I have some money to fix it. Do him a big favour make him learn for his sake not yours, and yes you are right.
2006-12-27 03:15:51 · answer #7 · answered by mcspaner 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should leave him. He is a selfish immature guy who will not grow up for some years and it appears that you want a relationship with someone more mature. the going out spending money with his friends will never stop if you let it continue and even then, it will come to YOU or the friends and I bet he will choose the friends.
do not give him anymore money-- just get out of the relationship and find a good person that you deserve to be with!!
2006-12-27 02:17:46 · answer #8 · answered by Wild Honey 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong advice to this question for only you will see and have the answer when you wake up and smell the coffee ..get a tissue wipe off the sign that says mug on your forehead ditch the mug footmat and wipe your hands clean just my opinion since I was there once and now I am free....good luck :)
2006-12-27 04:26:47 · answer #9 · answered by Suki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I can relate to this situation. You cannot feel bad. You work just like he works. You seem to have the sense of responsibility and maturity in this relationship. If you were to bail him out as you have done in the past, which you have already told us that you have done, only to see him take this money and splurge it. I say, keep your money to yourself. If you were to give it to him, I guarantee he would go out and instead of fixing his car, he would "party". And the only thing left would be your empty bank account. I see too many relationships where the woman is always bailing out her man. And she bails him out so much, that she is left with nothing. And when she asks for the money back, he immediately throws in her face, "you don't love me, if I had the money I would give it to you" Honey don't fee bad, let him go.
2006-12-27 02:23:10 · answer #10 · answered by angel_fire_21499 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋