Mirror shows my reflection
but that is not me
it is someone else
someone I don't know of
who is handsome
showing happiness
smiles feigning victory,
bravery and courage
Basking in his glory
with no fear nor failure
He influences all and
charms all he sees
but that is not me
I throw mud at the mirror
I shatter it to pieces
and drop it to the
ground and see,
that is me.
2006-12-27 01:54:36 · 6 answers · asked by Cornesan 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Writers of poetry who welcome criticism are commendable. Criticism is education. Education is progress. Many people write "poetry" that is so self centered and so only inwardly applicable to themselves that their poem is pure nonsense to a reader who could care less. Asking for critiques will help you to see your writings and thinking as others might and thereby instruct you to evaluate or re-evaluate your messages. Your poem is explicit in that you state you are not what you are, that you pretend to be what you would like to be and would like others to see you as, and that you hate this part about yourself. Most everyone feels the same way to some degree some times. If you are confessing, it is a guilt that is well worn, and a path many poets trod along before discovering an all togather different persona actually existing in the mirror and in the face looking into the mirror. One that is free of guilt and one that can openly express themselves with a poetic beauty, even when expressing their depression. When you see this, your invisable third person, you will be on your way to enlightment. As a technical observation: mud will not normally break a mirror - angst metaphorically might. It appears you are exposing yourself not so much to the readers but moreso to yourself. It is a commom discovery. It is hard to envision an already shattered (shards flying everywhere) mirror being dropped down - but one might envision one being thrown away. Anyway, best wishes - keep it up, it will be amazing to you what you will learn, and far more importantly, what you will find down the paths that poets travel.
2006-12-27 02:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by Billpoet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good poem, but not realistic. It shows the mask we all wear, but one can not have victory, bravery, and courage without having some failures, one can not influence all if one has not had anything real in life that was perceived as a failure or hardship. One can only fit in as a puppet. Yet, I see the anger about that and it is expressed well.
2006-12-27 02:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by Friend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, but the mirror thing is almost like a poetic cliche. How about the reflection in a glass of water, raindrops or something else besides mirrors. The ending was very predictable which isn't good because the reader will stop reading. Keep with writing though! Good luck!
-Kiarra S.
2006-12-27 01:58:21 · answer #3 · answered by Walking Contradiction 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good one. Keep writing poems. Only creative people can do that. All the best.
2006-12-27 02:26:51 · answer #4 · answered by Kumari V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awww....I am sorry for your pain...it must be very lonely to have the world see you one way and yet be very isolated in the brokeness that you feel. I will pray for you.
2006-12-27 01:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by ticklemeblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can feel you are broken...nice poem, it's connecting
2006-12-27 02:07:14 · answer #6 · answered by ding87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋