He makes me happy with the little details he ads to my day, but how do you know if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Happiness would be key but doubts run through my mind. I love being independent, I don't want to loose that. Most of my friends are male and they are truly only friends, he doesnt mind the time I spend with them but hates to hear how well I speak of them. When I am with him he expects my full attention on him no cell phone or casual conversation with a stranger. He trusts me and I don't give him any reason to waiver from it but I don't want to get married and have to give up my friends. I want to do this right so how much do you really have to sacrafice? Getting married means you share your life not surrender it.
2006-12-27 01:40:47 · 15 answers · asked by Cat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Uhmm Rockland I love men there would be no way I would switch to lesbianism.
2006-12-27 02:09:20 · update #1
You should read what you wrote and see that you have answered yourself. You aren't willing to give up your friends or your independence. You aren't ready to marry this man and I'm not sure you ever will be. Sounds like it bothers you that you have to give him your undivided attention and it will only get worse after you married him. You know that you aren't ready to marry him so let him know so he can begin to get over you. Thank you and GOD bless you.
2006-12-27 01:47:53 · answer #1 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not the guy for you, if he was you wouldn't have to ask a forum of strangers to tell you this. You need to find someone that is a friend of your friends as well, or introduce your new beau to your friends so that a relationship developes, and your new beau wont feel like an outsider. Really, if your friends like you, and your beau likes you, then they should like each other, you know, similar interests and all. The guy your with now seems like someone you "settled" for, and really doesn't seem to be in your social circle. I don't think you love this man, you two would more than likely end up divorced anyways.You say "again", I'm assuming that this would be your second marriage, so take your time, don't rush things, there is no law saying a woman must be married, there are plenty of single, independent women out there that need no men to run there lives, and they are quite happy about it. they're called lesbians, maybe you could join them, whatever the case, I would suggest that you find someone else more suited for you. Good luck.
2006-12-27 10:02:29 · answer #2 · answered by Rockland 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. Marriage is suppose to be a partnership, best friends, very little compromise. If there is compromise, there should never be any resentment at all.
You mentioned that he requires your full attention, no cell phone etc;. That could be a problem later. If he requires that much of a girlfriend, I imagine he will require more of a wife. Maybe not, but something that should be discussed. Also, you mentioned independence. That is a good thing but could be a problem in a marriage if too much.
Marriage requires comittment, and not only involvement. Like a bacon and egg breakfast. The chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. Marriage requires total comittment from each. Depend on each other, and no person (friends) be more important than the spouse.
2006-12-27 09:48:37 · answer #3 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After reading this, I'm surprised you are even considering marriage...again? Why did your previous one fail? You make your boyfriend sound controlling, but is it a fair assesment? I don't know how anyone can stand being with/making time for the person they care about and all they are doing is texting or talking on her cell phone. It's not that he's controlling...it's very annoying to be with someone obsessed with her phone. Do you feel as though you are giving up your friends because you can't be in constant communication with them? I agree that you shouldn't surrender your life, but when you get married, your spouse becomes the #1 priority...above everything including friends. If you are not willing to make that commitment, you are not ready for another marriage.
If you really love your boyfriend, go on priceline and get a hotel room for a weekend in a city near you. Leave your cell phones at home and see how you feel about things when you get back! This will give you the answer you seek.
2006-12-27 10:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very insecure but genuine. Normally, I would say that if you doubt something, don't do it, but marriage is an issue of trust and faith. I think it might behoove you to consider what you want out of marriage and what marriage really means to you.
When and if you do remarry, I suggest you take time to evaluate what it is you ARE willing to sacrifice. There are no choices without consequence, and the man you are with should be expected to give up things as well in order to be with you. Don't let anyone rush you on this.
I have to wonder as well, are you trying to reassure yourself of how you feel? Someone suggested a getaway. I suggest you take some time to get away by yourself and think, weighing pros and cons and then making a decision you feel would be best to help you be happy. After all, you have a right to be happy too.
2006-12-27 15:11:43 · answer #5 · answered by Fergi the Great 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think marriage is wonderful, and really no other great way to live. And from what you have said here, he appears to have security issues, self-esteem issues, and you and he need to find out why those exist. Please don't feel that a session or two with a counselor is admitting incompetence, or uncertainly or your own failures..... . But you both need to be able to express your concerns without rage, or being threatened. He appears to have concerns about your keeping some of your independence, and I'd tend to agree with you --- you are sharing your life, not surrendering it, and when each of you has outside interests, you bring back things to your marriage to share.....He would need to understand that your outside friends in no way diminishes your love and respect for him... as his outside friends, wouldn't either.....Resentment is the big killer of marriage, along with lack of trust, not money as most people would think. That he may wish you to give up all your friends may mean he borders upon being a control freak, and you have a right to see just how far and how deep that one goes.
2006-12-27 11:39:17 · answer #6 · answered by ladyren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that he will boss around the house and stop you from interacting with other people, I think you need to review the whole issue and stay back. Marriage is not merely union of two individuals but beyond that. You need to be selfless and on occasion need to sacrifice on issues that may make your companion comfortable. From the information given by you he seems to be very possessive which restricts your freedom of expression. I reiterate that you rethink on the issue of marriage.
2006-12-27 10:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by Tony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being marreid to some one is a commitment you both have to make, but if one is being unfair it can be hard to do so. being married is a wonderful thing, but friends are also great. if this guy is trying to force you into doing something you don't want to i would hold off on the marriage thing until you can both find a way to work this out. no one should be allowed to force you to do anything, Especially if they say they love you
2006-12-27 09:48:08 · answer #8 · answered by gogirl0283 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems controlling...is that what you want? If you want to be with a man who dictates your every move for the rest of your life, then sure, get married. But since you're asking this question, it would seem you're uncomfortable with his controlling, and I think you already know the answer to your question.
2006-12-27 09:53:47 · answer #9 · answered by Heather C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is true...share not surrender....so if you feel that he would smother you and make you give up all your friends then don't do it...you will not be happy....marriage is a compromise but you should not feel that you are being controlled...good luck
2006-12-27 09:45:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋