I want to go to college so I can contribute to our marriage. I'm not the type of person where I like to sit on my butt all day while my husband is at work. He seems to get irritated when I bring up going to college even when it's online schooling. He said he wants to be the provider and I dont need to work. Is this his way of trying to keep me from getting ahead? Or him not wanting me to be an independant woman? I know men like to be the breadwinner but I feel he isn't thinking about my happiness. What do you think?
2006-12-27 01:15:31 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
times have change
women should work and men should work
both should be breadwinner
if he is saying now i think it is because of his insecurties.
Go to College if he does not like
owell
2006-12-27 01:17:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, he is limiting your growth. Ask him to give you a reason why he does not support you going to school. If he gets angry and doesn't want to talk about it, just tell him "I am going to school, bottom line".This is selfish on his part and he is not being the supportive spouse that he should. My female cousin has a college degree, was married to an engineer and was a stay at home mom for 17 years. When her husband left her (divorce), all she had was a degree with no work experience. She got a job eventually but she often say she wish she would have started working earlier.
If getting an education is your goal, go get it. Let your husband know that it is online, so you will be at home doing your work (what more can he ask for). Tell him that during a marriage, spouses are suppose to be supportive of one another especially when there's growth involved. Go ahead get your degree for this is a positive thing to do in your life. Become independent so that you will have something to fall back on just in case......well you know. Good Luck to you and go to school.
2006-12-27 09:57:51 · answer #2 · answered by stergre1975 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So really you want to go to school for yourself? I know I started on-line classes myself and my husband was a bit irritated but I put it like this what if something happened to him what am I going to do I have no education and he agreed so maybe if you put it differently and not make it sound like you are trying to be a breadwinner, men are believe it or not fragile and if you say he is trying to keep you from "getting ahead" he will wonder where you plan on going so bottom line tell him " I have always had a dream of getting my degree and I would like to do it on-line that way I can still take care of my family" talk about it don't argue about it
2006-12-27 09:37:53 · answer #3 · answered by Marty M 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are not going to like this answer but I know what I'm talking about. I was facing the same situation a few years ago so I have been through all the controlling BS games your husband is playing. Now what's going to make you angry is....you are LETTING him control you. You are on yahoo asking total strangers about this so he has your mind and body under his control. He has you wondering and questioning your own decisions and ability to make the choice for yourself. STOP listening to him...only you can do that. I had to leave and divorce the creep I was with so I could go back to school. I only wanted to get a GED, but he was determined I wasn't going to. He told me it was him or school.....well I obtained the GED and continued on into college. I don't regret it and you won't either. Your husband is controlling a lot more than you realize. Don't let him waste your life for you out of his own controlling insecurities.
2006-12-27 09:53:31 · answer #4 · answered by slick chik 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go do your on-line schooling - you need to look after yourself.
You have the right to educate yourself and your husband
should be proud of you, that you want to be able to help
in obtaining financial security. Think of it this way - what if your husband gets sick, cant work and the bills are piling up?
Maybe he is insecure and thinks with you being educated
you might be getting to independent and he worries that
you get out into the workforce and meet other people
and you could possible find some other man more attractive.
He can still be the provider - your income could be used for
other things - like vacations, new cloth for you and him,
or savings for when you both are retired and still want the
freedom of doing things that you might not be able to
afford, if you did have your extra income.
2006-12-27 09:30:31 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband definitely does not want you to excel. That is his way of feeling like he's in control. He is probably one of those men that feels a woman's place in at home and he works and control everything. Yeah, that was good back in the 50's and 60's but this is 2006 soon to be 2007 and times has changed. Let him know that you want better for yourself and the family and you will be going to school. Let him know that he will continue to be the breadwinner in the family but it want hurt to have an extra income. This is unfair and selfish of him to act this way.
2006-12-27 09:40:16 · answer #6 · answered by Shay 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure of what your husband's motives are, but I can tell you that if he loves you, he should want you to be all you can be. In these days, it takes three incomes to make it, any husband should be glad that his wife is wanting to contribute for the good of the relationship. If you were the lazy stay at home type, then he would be complaining to his mother and she would be complaining to him. Can't win for losing. There is a certain amount of control involved when a man doesn't want his wife to move forward, but no man will admit that to his wife.
2006-12-27 10:13:29 · answer #7 · answered by Special K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be able to go to school. You need to remind your husband that, GOD forbid something happen to him and you are left alone to support the family. I'm sure your husband has great intentions on why he would like you to stay home. I would have loved to be able to stay home and make sure my family was well taken care of. If you are truely serious about wanting schooling, the inform him that you would like to be prepared just in case. I can't see him having a problem with this. If he does, then he is being way too controlling and you need to do something about that. Thank you and GOD bless.
2006-12-27 09:42:30 · answer #8 · answered by cookie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is being pathetic and very old fashioned in his mindset. Also, it may have something to do with the way he was raised if his own mother stayed home as a housewife and his father worked to pay the bills. Also, I think he is worried that you will become so independent that you won't need him and will leave him, which could be another factor in all of this. He cannot deny you the right to an education and he certainly cannot stop you from pursuing your dreams, so do what you need to do because he will end up losing you if he tries to oppress you in the way he is currently doing.
2006-12-27 09:19:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he truly understood and loved you then he would be more than happy to let you better yourself. Do not let him hold you back, it is wrong. What would happen if you ever separated? What kind of job would you get? Just do it. Do it while he is at work. If he questions you then tell him the truth that you are not going to let him control you. You want to go to college and that is the end of the discussion. Be strong and stand up to your man.All because you are married does not mean that he owns you and your mind. You need to make a decision. Cower to your husband or do what you want and succeed in life. Good luck.
2006-12-27 09:28:30 · answer #10 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He may just be old fashioned in wanting to be the provider. However, I would bring up the college thing to him in a way where he won't feel threatened by your new education. Tell him how you get bored at home and want to challenge yourself by furthering your education. Furthering one's education is such a wise investment. It beats you going out shopping all the time, spending your husband's money on things you really don't need. When you bring it up again, say how happy going to school would make you. Don't be confrontational and don't start picking a fight. I wouldn't even mention how it could get you a better job.
2006-12-27 09:23:03 · answer #11 · answered by Bumbo 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋