yahoo messenger in 2003. We have an apartment, purchased a car and both are going to school. She was raped last year at her old job and it has taken her a long time to start socializing again. Im having to work 2 jobs to pay the bills and with my schooling, it has become very stressful for me. I came from Australia to be in Indiana with her so i obviously didn't come here for the sight seeing. I've gone through so much; i left my entire family and all my friends so i could be with her. I've become very controlling of our money and sometimes hurtful with the things i say which she doesn't deserve after all she's been through. I keep telling her its just the stress of being overloading but she convinced me that i really am emotionally abusive. I really don't mean most the things i say, as i love her very much and would do anything for her. If we divorce, i will not only lose her but i will lose everything. should i walk away or should or try and ask for her back?
2006-12-27 00:56:54 · 13 answers · asked by Luke S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Revisit why you are with her. Then ask yourself if you have similar goals, religion, interests, etc etc... before you make any decisions. Maybe you both forgot what brought you together or perhaps you both made a hasty decision based on other things. Sometimes you can have 2 Perfect people but are not perfect together. If that's the case, then try to reinstate some friendship so the ending situation is fair to everyone. Sometimes you have to swallow your losses and be thankful you are still young enough to move on.
Perhaps, you could go to a preacher or counselor for help. Having a 3rd person see the situation from the outside may shed some light. Remember your vows..... you are ONE now so love her as you would love and trust yourself. Before you control things or say things say it in a mirror and try to imagine what your reaction would be. You mentioned you'd do anything for her..... be fair and ask yourself would you?
It is reasonable to be somewhat controlling when you are working 2 jobs and going to school but remember you haven't been through what she has. Being away from your homeland is very tough especially the culture change etc but having something happen to you like a traumatic experience of rape will damage someone for life. You have the potential to be the one who can make a difference. Take the challenge! You can do it!
Best of luck!
2006-12-27 01:09:38 · answer #1 · answered by eastern NC Sensei 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My x was from Indiana so I can really appreciate your comment about the sight-seeing(LOL!!). It takes two to divorce(been there done that, and it isn't fun). Also there's a lot of stress in your lives and a lot of baggage to deal with. Maybe some consuling before something as drastic as divorce should be explored first. After investing your entire previous life and starting a new one with a new marriage, a new country, well you must have thought it was worth it at the time(her too). You both need to ask yourselves..do we really want to throw it all away without trying to "fix" the problem in the first place....
2006-12-27 01:09:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you both start fresh and have her move to Australia with you? It seems she has shut down emotionally and mentally and you have reacted in the only way you can with anger and frustration. You can only take so much as a marriage is supposed to be 50/50 on both sides. I say move with her to Australia and if she loves you she will go and if not better to make a clean break from her now rather than being miserable for 50 years.
2006-12-27 01:22:57 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't walk away, but you do need professional help for your abusive ways. Try telling her that you love her very much and would do anything to stay married to her as well as be with her for ever. Tell her you are willing to go to counseling for your problem and maybe you to should even try marriage counseling to. Being raped is a very traumatic thing to go through and maybe by her being so fragile right now the best thing would be for you both to seek some help. If you do all of this and it still doesn't seem like it is going to work out then walk away but at lease when you do you can be honest with your self and say you gave it your best shot with all that you had and you tried. Best of Luck to both of you.
2006-12-27 01:06:12 · answer #4 · answered by Chynna 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should work on yourself. You are aware of the way you are talking to your wife and still you continue to do so. If you truely love her as much as you say, then you will be more supportive of what's going on and less verbally abusive. The first year of every marriage is hard. There is so many things that you are learning about each other. You should focus on the things you love about your wife, and less on what makes you angry. This is what marriage is about. We can't control what happens to us in our lives, we can only try to overcome our obsticles. You and your wife need to seek counseling. This isn't a bad thing, and this will help both of you considerably. Good luck and GOD bless.
2006-12-27 01:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by cookie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love her then try. It is hard to watch what you say when you are stressed out. You need to find a way to release that stress or you will lose her. When a person says hurtful things I don't think that they realize how much it hurts the person they say it to. It takes a toll on a person. You need to get into check and think before opening your mouth. Mostly find a way to let the stress out. I you love her then do what you have to, to prove it.
2006-12-27 01:04:33 · answer #6 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Both of you have been through alot. The only way to repair the damage here is to seek couseling. I am sure you have feelings toward her rape as well and you need to deal with them. Rape is something that could easily destroy a relationship. Seek help and start repairing this marriage. Don't just walk away.
2006-12-27 01:01:16 · answer #7 · answered by Jewells 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Go to counseling and fix yourself. You ARE being abusive. She's already been a victim and you're saying hurtful things to her and being controlling. Whether the marriage survives or not, YOU need to get yourself straight or you're going to sabotage all of your future relationships as well.
2006-12-27 01:05:20 · answer #8 · answered by Shane 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
talk to her and see if you can sort things out if not you can always try a marriage councilorand you could also try anger management or something like that but divorce should always be the last resort you look at
2006-12-27 01:02:21 · answer #9 · answered by megan p 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You answered your own question, She doesn't deserve the way your treating her. You seem resentful towards her for the decisions you thought were right. Go back to Australia.
2006-12-27 01:01:00 · answer #10 · answered by Cat 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋