I wrote yesterday about my husband changing a lot since we got married 3 months ago. More controlling, telling me 2 shut the f*c* up and calling me names quite often, also nothing is ever his fault and if I bring something up, he says I'm trying 2 start an argument. Last night we were watching a movie on 2 seperate couches (always snuggled during a movie b4 we got married), I asked him 2 come lay on the couch with me and he sayed he might get 2 comfy and fall asleep. Then, when it came time 2 go 2 bed he was extremely awake & ready for sex. I said no, I was too tired ( just hurt from him not snuggling w/ me). I told him he doesn't spend time with me like he did b4 we got married. I told him that I come home from work and try 2 talk 2 him but, he just watches T.V. or plays PS2, he said that I start talking 2 him while he is trying 2 watch something. I told him that I don't care about T.V. I've missed him all day and would like 2 talk 2 him. He said that I can talk to him on commercials.
2006-12-26 23:55:43 · 13 answers · asked by Dsoftball 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I know he would die if I left him but, does anyone think this is a 'I've got you now" control issue?
2006-12-26 23:57:05 · update #1
Grl u need 2 talk 2 him. See if he is in problem or somethin like dat. May b he is thinking he is normally behaving. I mean 2 say dat he is not aware dat he is hurting u. By Hook or by crook u need 2 talk 2 him.
Best of luck N Merry X-mas n Happy New Year
2006-12-27 00:02:44 · answer #1 · answered by Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three months into a marriage is a short time to be yelling at you in such disrespectful terms,that alone should send you two into marriage counseling, if it were not for that, I'd say give him a little space and let him unwind a little after work, and when he's in a good mood, perhaps later in the evening, discuss with him how you feel rejected when he wants to sit on separate couches, and ask him why he does this now that your married. But the way he's yelling at you is a very discomforting sign of an abusive personality that could be dangerous to you if left unchecked. Google up family counseling, or if you belong to a church ask a member of that church if they have counseling available, but you shouldn't wait too long, because you two need to stop this at once before it becomes a pattern. One more thing, you should never use sex as a weapon or reward, that's prostituting yourself, sex should be an expression of love between you two, so don't withhold it because you didn't get your way, that's childish.
2006-12-27 08:18:49 · answer #2 · answered by Rockland 2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you married this man. He absolutely DOES see this as "You're mine now and I make the rules" type of relationship, and unfortunately, this sort of man always gets worse as time goes on. I've seen it a million times...my father was that way, and my ex-boyfriend was that way...as well as friends' husbands, etc. It's the same old story every time.
First of all, you have to realize that this behavior he's showing you right now, it will NEVER change. The man he was before you got married was not him...that was just his "front" to get you and keep you. Now he's got you, and he's letting his real self come out.
Second, you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of life you want to live. If you can't handle it and don't like the way you're being treated, then you've got to do what's best for you and leave him. Who cares if it hurts his feelings??? He should've thought about that before he started acting like an asshole. That's his own fault. But you need to be worried about YOURSELF, and forget how he feels. He obviously doesn't care how YOU feel, right??
I'm sorry you're with a person like this. You're in for a miserable life if you stay with him, I promise you. They never change...they only get worse.
2006-12-27 08:08:06 · answer #3 · answered by Heather C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that if he came home first , he would've already had dinner started.......maybe when you two have dinner at the dinner table ( best time to talk) small steps of communication can begin.....don't begin with negative stuff..but .."how's was your day?'..... or this happened today at the office...plan outings on weekends...go to the movies during the week...plan these things...sitting on the sofa and watching tv everynite seems boring to me......step out into the world..plenty things to do......if those don't work....find a hobby outside the home and maybe he will start to miss you......
2006-12-27 08:22:24 · answer #4 · answered by sayasyoulike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GIRL you are in some kind of denial !!!!! This man thinks more of his tv or ps2 than he does you. And if he talks to you like that he has NO respect for you. CONTROLL......you have no idea where that will lead...YOU know he would die if you left him? It seems as though he only knows you are there because you try to talk to him or show him atterntion.What makes you think he would even know you are gone ??????? My advice to you is RUN RUN RUN and DO NOT LOOK BACK
2006-12-27 08:12:27 · answer #5 · answered by Sundaye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what it is--you two definitelt need to talk though--tha's plain enough. There seems to be nothing there at this time. I don't know that if you you just walked over and turned everything off and siad "we need to talk" if that would work or not. Or if you just got up and went to bed with out inviting him to go with you. There has to be something you and he can do to start to fix this. Tell him there's problem and it's getting worse--you need to talk or you're going to have to leave for awhile.
2006-12-27 08:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you can start by writing a serious letter to him explaining how you are feeling and let him know you to need to make a time to talk about it so you can work it out.also in the letter tell him if things can't be talked about so they can be like before then you will have to consider divorce.but make sure you tell him you love him and that isn't what you really want.
2006-12-27 08:23:30 · answer #7 · answered by debbie_gibbs2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a jerk! I'm in a somewhat similar situation, and I know it just sucks. I'm sorry for you. I wish there was some great advice I could give you, but I'm just as stuck as you are. I hope things get better for you, regardless of what happens. Good luck!
2006-12-27 08:16:19 · answer #8 · answered by angels_sign_ily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you two have some serious problems.
Write him a letter,stating everything that's on your mind.
Ask him to respond,if he does you know he still cares,if not you might need to go see a Marriege Counseler
Good luck!
2006-12-27 08:29:21 · answer #9 · answered by harrisl66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you married to my ex? I have one thing to say to you get out now. One more thing, he will not die. I stayed with my ex for nine years because he would say to me that he would kill himself if I left. You are worth more that what he is willing to see. I just hope that you see it in time.
Sorry I can go on sometimes
2006-12-27 08:05:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋