My husband and I have been together almost eleven months, married for three. We were talking last night, and he made a comment about a girl he was with right after me and him met. We were in a bar, and I went to say hi to a friend. When I come back from saying hi, he's gone, and I think he's not coming back. When he comes back, I'm already gone, and he leaves with this other girl. We had already slept together when this happened. Then, last night, he told me that if he knew it was going to upset me, he never would have said anything about it. The thing is, he told me several times that I'm the only person he's been with since he met me, an now I hear about this other girl. Should I be making a big deal out of this, or should I let it go? We hadn't been together long at the time, but it still hurts to know he did it, and didn't tell me about it. I've always been completely honest with him. Do I have a right to feel like he lied to me?
2006-12-26 23:47:51 · 25 answers · asked by tinkerbell24 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just to clarify, I thought we were together, and yes, he did have sex with her.
2006-12-26 23:48:21 · update #1
To the guy who asked how many people I had been with, the answer is none of your business. I never cheated on my husband, and I only found out about it yesterday. I'm not throwing it in his face, I just wondered if I had a right to feel hurt by it. YOU are obviously single, and a jackass.
2006-12-26 23:54:11 · update #2
No matter what anyone says you are going to feel hurt cause it does hurt. I think that you are just normal and I have been there. It does hurt but you need to look at it threw different eyes too. In the end it was you he choose and you he was trying to protect from not telling. Sometimes we do stupid thing for the right reasons. That is what I think that he was trying to do. I am not saying that what he did was right. He did something stupid and he knows it. It is going to hurt for awhile but then the pain goes and you realize that when you love someone it helps with the pain and makes things better. Just let him know that he broke your trust and it will take time to fix.
2006-12-27 00:50:27 · answer #1 · answered by sscott12414 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd be a bit upset, too. You two were together, and he slept with someone else. Essentially, he cheated, and he lied about it.
But I wouldn't be majorly pissed off about it at this point. It was a long time ago, and being upset isn't going to change anything or make it better. It's best to let it go and move on. I know it sucks, and I'd be hurt, too. But don't let this get out of hand and cause more problems. Men do really stupid things sometimes, but at least this happened before you were married and truly committed.
2006-12-27 07:56:38 · answer #2 · answered by Heather C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is an evil thing. Dont entertain it. it makes you bitter and unhappy.
Your man chose you and not that other person that you mention. Maybe he needed to make sure it was you he wanted. A strange way to do things but he did. You are married and have no reason to be suspicious. HE CHOSE YOU. My advise is forget the whole incident and let it go. A book that might help you is called WILD AT HEART by JOHN Eldredge. Read that it will explain men to you.
HE LOVES YOU NOW TREAT HIM LIKE A KING AND FORGET THE HARLOTS.
The fact he mentionsed it to you means he has been bothered by it. Tell him you forgive him and really choose to do that. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice. A man who confesses a weakness to his wife is doing the right thing. Imagine if it had got to you via someone else or her even! Apologise for your reaction and tell him how much you love him for being honest with you. You are sorry you reacted as you did but it was quite a shocking confession and left you scared. Trust God with your man and dont fear other women. You be the best woman in the world for him. Read LOVE AND RESPECT. I think you are lucky to have this advise so early in your marriage there are many of us who wish we had it sooner. May your marriage be the best in the world.
2006-12-27 07:56:12 · answer #3 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Of course you have a right to be hurt and mad. If he told you there was no one else since you two met, he lied. It doesn't matter how long you were together. Together is together. I just wish I knew why a man cannot tell the truth and control himself. It is so sad and pitiful. I wish you the best!
2006-12-27 08:20:30 · answer #4 · answered by angels_sign_ily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do people feel the need of "confession" after marriage? The man was not married to you when this event occurred, so there's nothing for you to be hurt about. Neither does he have any obligation to tell you anything more about his past than what he chooses to. Next time, don't marry a man you've only known for 8 months!
2006-12-27 08:25:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey I too am newly married and you know what....I would be a little bit hurt by ot too...but the thing is..YOU are the one he married and for him to tell you about it obviusally means that it didnt mean much.. Look at it this way...You and this other girl met him around the sametime...he slept with both of you but it was you that he wanted to be serious with right...I say let it go..He loves you he married you right?
Hope that helps...good luck
2006-12-27 10:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by Pretty Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the first place it's not a matter of who's been with whom, it's an issue of who's lying? right. This is what's bothering you. It would be an issue with me to. after all, we are getting married and he left with another girl, what were his intentions? and he did say he never "slept" with another girl while engaged to me.
Your going to either accept his explanations and believe he never had relations with another girl and didn't intend to just, they met and talked, he might have.
Or he's lying and what are you going to do ? end it all on that concept and, start over with another life, or give him another chance on that belief.
2006-12-27 08:16:22 · answer #7 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang Dave give her a break!
He shouldn't have lied to you and it's really stupid of him to tell you about this now but I guess he wanted to get it off his chest. Maybe he was feeling guilty. Unfortunately you will always remember this but hopefully you don't hold it against him. He did after all marry YOU, so I would let it go. Sounds like you've already given him an ear full; I'm sure he's learned his lesson.
2006-12-27 07:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by Angela 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. At the time your husband apparently didn't feel committed to your relationship. He does now. End of story.
2006-12-27 08:58:04 · answer #9 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand feeling a bit hurt but don't dwell on it. Look at the positive and pray my friend Pray! God is so good. God restored my almost dead marriage to lots of Joy, Love, and Peace!
A book that has helped me is "Power of a Praying Wife" by stormie omartian. Very good. It also helps me to read my bible and go to Bible study.
If you ever want some free Godly counsel or guidance www.doersoftheword.org
The pastor there has a toll free # you can call.
I pray the best.
God Bless you & your hubby!
2006-12-27 08:21:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋