I left a relationship after 30 years, married 25 of them. I have been bouncing back and forth between rage and sadness. When does it end? This emotional roller coaster is killin me.
2006-12-26 23:37:05 · 17 answers · asked by sandra b 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I like you are going through the same thing. I was married for 36 years. My husband just out of the blue went to work one morning and never came home. He had left me for a young teenager of 19 he was 58. I have the same emotions as you. just go with them. I have days when I do nothing but cry, and days when I feel I'm moving on. This has been the pattern for the last year and a half. The time will come when things don't seem so hard and things seem to be a lot easier. You may never forget but it won't hurt so much to remember. I have to keep going for my children even though they are grown up they are still full of hurt as their father has made no contact with them or myself for over 8 months now. So just let your emotions out don't try and stop them. It's all part of the healing process and remember some people heal quicker than others. You will heal in your own time and don't listen to people who tell you that you should be getting over it by now. When you are ready you will know.
2006-12-27 00:47:45 · answer #1 · answered by fedup 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you find out let all of us know. My lawyer said it takes 3 months for every year you were with someone. So for you that is 90 months or 7.5 years to stop the roller coaster. I know I was married 37-1/2 years and 2 years of going with him. It has been 4 years since he left and 2 years since the divorce and at times it seems like yesterday. The hurt, the pain, the emptyness. You feel like you wasted your whole life. You can not go back you have to move forward each day. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I topped it with my plant that I worked at for over 20 years closing . So I had to start over in a new job. A roller coaster is what my life has been so I know your pain. Just take it a day at a time. Do not blame yourself!!!!!!!!!!!! You can not change the past you can only move forward each day trying to make it happy.
2006-12-27 00:38:09 · answer #2 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way to tell you when does it end because only you who can end it by moving on with your life and turn over this page from your life forever and its not going to be easy because it depends on your willpower - so when you wake up next morning say to your self i am going to get over this and i won't let this emotional roller coaster killin me and do whatever it takes to achieve that and if you felt that you cant do that by your self get help from friends, family or even from a profissional
Best regards
2006-12-27 00:16:07 · answer #3 · answered by tarek 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's been 5 years for me since my marriage broke up, and I still feel haunted by my ex. He turned into a deadbeat 2 years ago--got fired for sleeping in too many times on a live-aboard vessel and now doesn't feel the need to support his children by finding new work!
It gets easier after a while, just hang in there--time is a great healer. I've learned a lot of new skills and am very proud to be a good provider and caregiver to my darling children. At least they have 1 parent to use as a good example!
2006-12-26 23:45:48 · answer #4 · answered by prairiegurrl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many stages of grief when a relationship fails - especially after so many years together - it's a huge chunk of your life! I suggest you speak to a cousellor or read some self-help books to help with dealing with your loss. You mention that you left the relationship - so I gather it was to improve your life. Just keep reminding yourself WHY you left - chant it aloud if you have to! We all go through doubt after a break-up, second guessing ourselves. Start a hobby, or something that you didn't do before to occupy your mind, and broaden your horizons. When you have other new things in your life, thoughts of him will subside.
2006-12-27 00:05:33 · answer #5 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm also going through it right now. I'm continuously living my life in a rear view mirror. Sometimes you just need to look forward (not easy) and hope/pray for the best.
Remember... You can't drive a car looking behind you, If you do you will end up in a ditch. Take care and best of luck. You WILL get through it!
2006-12-27 01:57:02 · answer #6 · answered by Darryl C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 30 years, you are entitled to be both upset and pissed off. It will take awhile. I've been divorced for 2 years, and sometimes, I still wonder what would have happened if....
Anyway, we should start a divorced wives club. Sign the guest book!
2006-12-26 23:41:30 · answer #7 · answered by tinkerbell24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
2006-12-26 23:51:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it is fairly normal, it's been three years now, and i still feel hurt, sometimes anger. u have to fill your time with other things, keep your mind occupied, helps to get some spiritual healing, but u spent 30 years with him, and he was your world, so it will take awhile, sometimes we really never get over them, i know i haven't, but it does get easier, got to find a new interest, even a new person to love. it is never easy getting over someone we loved especially for all of those years.
2006-12-27 00:29:06 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not erase 30 years.I do not expect you to get over this,sooner then 5-10years.If you still love him ,maybe longer.
Is there anyway to reconcile?You know with God all things are possible.I would not be married myself anymore if it was not for God.
2006-12-27 00:10:43 · answer #10 · answered by harrisl66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋