I am so hesitant and I need your opinions. Tell me what you think and what I should improve.
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It was late on a balmy summer's evening, few hours before the terrible events I'm going to tell you about began, that I arrived at the city of Londa. Supposedly the greatest city in the world.
That night I was quite happy with the way everything went. The city wasn't as expensive as I had expected and I managed to have lots of fun. That included having feverish love making with on of those famous Londan prostitutes and getting drunk on the finest spirits I'd ever tasted . That night I went to bed utterly satisfied with the way things were going. As I lay my head on the pillow I revised my plans for the next day. I would wake up early, have a quick breakfast, pay the innkeeper, then go searching for the city's best breeder from whom I would buy a couple of hairy beasts, healthy male and female capable of mating....
2006-12-26 23:36:43 · 5 answers · asked by lagondapaolini 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Then I would make the trip back to the southern port of Buckelham and wait there for the first ship heading for my home country. I expected that if all went well, I would be home before the month ends. I closed my eyes and went to sleep with a smile on my face.
Yet during the two seconds that passed between the moment I opened my eyes again on the next morning and the moment a wet handkerchief descended upon my face, gently sending me back to sleep, I managed to develop an eerie feeling that things were not really going to proceed as planed.
It never crossed my mind though that I was passing through the first of the nightmarish chain of events that led to the collapse of civilization as we know it and the total eradication of man kind . . . again.
Few hours later, I woke up suddenly as a result of being in the path of the rushing contents of the coldest bucket of cold water I ever had my face splashed with. I was totally clueless as to what was happening to me.
2006-12-26 23:37:25 · update #1
well u definitely make me wish it was published but like the others said it could do with some rewording-areas but other than that heck it was a great beginning.keep it up^^
2006-12-27 01:41:35 · answer #1 · answered by sammy brooks 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Other than a few awkward phrases, this has a great deal of potential and promises to be a fascinating story. You have accomplished the goal of the writer by hooking your reader before the end of the first page.
2006-12-27 20:57:30 · answer #2 · answered by jidwg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With a little tightening of the words, a great story is in progress. Very interesting. I want to know what happens next.
2006-12-27 09:22:40 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just from reading the first paragraph, it could be a great story but it needs to be rewritten and worded differently. Other than that, it would be pretty great!
2006-12-27 09:10:40 · answer #4 · answered by f.ireworks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to know what happens next I think I could pick that book up and not want to put it down till its done.
2006-12-27 13:32:18 · answer #5 · answered by sweetandsassie4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋