Please can you tell me what you think of this intro to a story i am writing?

Question

I am so hesitant and I need your opinions. Tell me what you think and what I should improve.
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It was late on a balmy summer's evening, few hours before the terrible events I'm going to tell you about began, that I arrived at the city of Londa. Supposedly the greatest city in the world.
That night I was quite happy with the way everything went. The city wasn't as expensive as I had expected and I managed to have lots of fun. That included having feverish love making with on of those famous Londan prostitutes and getting drunk on the finest spirits I'd ever tasted . That night I went to bed utterly satisfied with the way things were going. As I lay my head on the pillow I revised my plans for the next day. I would wake up early, have a quick breakfast, pay the innkeeper, then go searching for the city's best breeder from whom I would buy a couple of hairy beasts, healthy male and female capable of mating....

Then I would make the trip back to the southern port of Buckelham and wait there for the first ship heading for my home country. I expected that if all went well, I would be home before the month ends. I closed my eyes and went to sleep with a smile on my face.

Yet during the two seconds that passed between the moment I opened my eyes again on the next morning and the moment a wet handkerchief descended upon my face, gently sending me back to sleep, I managed to develop an eerie feeling that things were not really going to proceed as planed.
It never crossed my mind though that I was passing through the first of the nightmarish chain of events that led to the collapse of civilization as we know it and the total eradication of man kind . . . again.


Few hours later, I woke up suddenly as a result of being in the path of the rushing contents of the coldest bucket of cold water I ever had my face splashed with. I was totally clueless as to what was happening to me.

Answer 1

Start over. Too jumpy. Spelling is bad. Narrow things down.
the weather, a new town, prostitutes, bed, plans, motels people, animals....too much into all at once.

Answer 2

I think it's very poorly written. It's very blog-like and doesn't artfully set the reader up. "The terrible events I'm going to tell you about" is just plain awful writing.

"The city wasn't as expensive as I had expected" is just too blunt without any situational or emotional punch to it at all.

Like I said that reads more like a blog than a story, but hey people are getting dumber and dumber every day so there might be a market for this.

Answer 3

Sounds like a boring "adult" novel

Answer 4

Show, don't tell. Much of what you have written here is telling.