Can anyone help me here- I don't like what I've become?

Question

Thanks guys- first off don't read too far in to this, I'm not considering suicide or anything like that (sorry if the title question sounded a little urgent!).

In short: My father, up until marrying my mother, was a career (but petty) criminal, who became resolute and changed his ways upon meeting her; obviously with his record he could not get a fancy, high-wage job, instead starting work for a small greengrocers on minimum wage (and staying there ever since, although he is now manager). He was, from the moment I was born, honest, good and hard working, and did everything with me in mind so I could have the best life (I was not a spolt child by any means, but never went seriously without). Because of this I've grown up (now 21 and about to graduate) without any 'drive'; I have no competitive spirit, no motivation- I'm just a romantic dreamer with no fire in the belly.

I never noticed before, but now it's beginning to upset me and get me down; what can I do? Thanks.

For example, if someone steps in front of me in a long queue, I don't even roll my eyes but just glance down at the floor. I have absolutely no competitive (or 'confrontational') streak; no aggression, and I want to change...but I'm just worried I'll go completely over the top and turn in to once my father once was.

Any ideas?

Answer 1

I trhink what you need is something to get competitive about - a girl, a new car, a new job, or something. It needs to be something you are passionate about - a sport you are involved in, maybe?

All it will need is a spark that will make you passionate about it.

Dont go down the road your Dad went down in the early years. There is always something there to get you excited.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you. All the best for 2007!

Answer 2

I can't see anything wrong with what you have described.
So you have manners which is a blessing today, you have patience with others another fine quality and remember dreamers can be some of the most profoundest people like John Lennon, Jack Kerouac, Jesus etc.
I think you are being too hard on your own character and not allowing yourself to see your positive traits.
I guess you only lack confidence, now what twenty one year old hasn't lacked confidence sometime or another, I know I did at twenty one and its only natural.
None of us are meant to be identical perfect human beings, don't try to fit into any mould, be your self by finding yourself.
Just because everyone else in society are pushy self-centred ego manics doesn't mean its right to follow suit.
As a Buddhist I can tell you that some Buddhist would cherish to have your patience, if it comes natural, then savour it, for such qualities are fast dying out in the human race.
What others would call lack of motivation could be seen in another way as lack of attachments which is a very healthy spiritual insight, if guided by confidence in who you are.

Answer 3

Well you sound like a perfectly nice guy to me, chilled out, why be confrontational because someone steps into the queue in front of you, all that will do is make you a bully, OK your dad did what he did before he met your mom, but he changed and held down a steady job ever since, he gave you love and protection, you sound very motivated to me, your just about to graduate, I would say that is fight and fire in your belly, it takes guts to go through university and gain a degree, it has to be worked for and not just something your given, it takes motivation to get up and go there each day, we are all romantic dreamers at heart, you sound like you have fantastic parents who have loved and looked after you always, the changes to your life will come for you but don't rush them, enjoy yourself for a while yet, your still young and have so much life in front of you, stop beating yourself up about things, you sounds like a lovely guy to me, have a great new year and be lucky.

Answer 4

Your objective is not to become aggressive.
It is to become assertive.

There's lots out there you can find to read on the subject.
Alternatively, simply knowing the difference between the two may be enough for you to be able to keep yourself on track.


The truth is, however, most people aren't that 'driven'.
Most people our kind of age in this country have had it reasonably easy - at least in terms of food, housing, these kinds of things.

And if you're happy to live a comfortable 'normal' lifestyle, that's okay.
You don't need slavish efforts to achieve such wealth.


If you want to become more pro-active and confident, I suggest the 'do 1 thing every day that scares you / takes you out of your comfort zone' drill.
It doesn't have to be anything major, just something that inside you feel a little uncomfortable doing.

It makes a gradual, but real, difference to your outlook on the world.

Answer 5

I don't know where you are from, but I would guess America or Britain, because I can't imagine anyone else worrying about not being competitive enough.

What is wrong with being a romantic dreamer? The main thing is to be happy with yourself and with the life you have.

There is far too much emphasis on competition in today's society. In a culture of winners, everybody is a loser sooner or later.

The important thing is not 'winning' or 'losing' but being content with who you are and getting as much enjoyment out of life as you can - in your own way.

Answer 6

~You aren't aggresive, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. You had a perfect, as close to perfect, of a childhood one could have and now you're an adult. You need to have a job to support yourself.
Some people are happy with one job their whole lives and some aren't. Just because you're different, doesn't mean you aren't just as good or better.
At least you aren't angry and want to harm others and yourself. I say be thankful. Try not to dwell on this, you may just be thinking too much.
This obviously bothers you, try talking to your parents or a counselor.
Good luck~

Answer 7

I think you're probably very afraid of your possible damage-doing potential. Odds are you'd really mess somebody up if an argument ever got physical.

Why not see what you're really capable of? Join a martial arts club, where they won't allow you to just coast along. I gaurantee you'll see the beast I think you've been looking for. And more importantly, you'll see that it can be controlled and actually be a powerful ally.

You're not too old. I started when I was 27, and almost five years later, I'm still involved. I think it may have been better for me than college was, in many ways.

Eh, just a thought.

Answer 8

You need to do the opposite of what you think of your self.
Put one of you dreams into action.Once you see it come together you will be more motivated to move to another one.
God's word says...my people perish without a vision,so if you are a dreamer that is good,just don't leave it in you mind.

Answer 9

Hmm, you sound like an Aquarius. I daydream a lot and have no ambition. I hate confrontation. But when I'm pmsing it's a different story. lol

I would go to your library or amazon.com. I bet there are lots of books on how to become motivated and driven, it that's what you really want.

But to me your life sounds peaceful.

Answer 10

Maybe you have low testosterone levels it has many antidepressant features when its low you feel unmotivated low on life Hare no drive towards whatever you enjoy. If you have no goals
no life and have healthy testosterone levels find something that gives you a spark or interst towards something. Testosterone equals success because it really makes you feel that you can do anything The big T is scientifically related to success.