He's not speaking to me.?

Question

We have been married for two years and rarely ever have cross words.
But this christmas there was a family issue, involving his X-wife
which lead to words between us.
I just told him she had no business calling here for 'any' reason as they never had children together.
The whole thing was so crazy to me, and I'm still shocked at how
he has treated me since then.
He doesn't talk to me, if he does it's very abruptly.
He hasn't held me like he usually does.
And he's been going to bed about 9:00, which is totally out of charactor and when I asked him why , he said he always went to bed early before we got married!!! 'DDUUUUUUUU!!!
where did that come from?? He's never told me that before.
Something is wrong and I feel alienated.
When someone won't talk, and even ignores you, what are they saying?? What are they thinking/feeling?

Answer 1

It could mean different things...mostly when I do it, it's because I know no matter WHAT I SAY to my S/O he isn't listening, or he doesn't care about what I have to say. Hell he doesn't even have the balls to ask WHY I AM MAD, mostly because he never takes responsibility for his own rude words.

Passive aggressive baby??

I noticed most men look for reasons not to have to talk any ways. They always assume we can read their minds....And when you call them on it they use that stupid line....I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS....yet I sit there thinking how wonderful he made me feel while pulling that silent treatment on me.
All men are different. It's hard to say. But for the most part they act like HUGE BABIES!

What ever happened between you two must have really PISSED HIM OFF! and you have to some how get him to SAY what it was that hurt him the most. So you can at least DISCUSS and move past what ever happened.

Answer 2

I am soo sorry to hear that this is happening to you.
I believe that you are right and it is sad that he is trying to bully you into going with the flow.
that is your husband now and you have a right not to have this ex woman calling him if it makes you feel uncomforatable. After all it is YOUR HOUSE, however, I doubt that anything is going on if it was, you would not have to worry about her calling the house, she would just call him at work or on the cell phone.
With that said, his behavior is VERY childish. Ask him if he would be willing to go to counseling if you can afford it. If you can afford it and he wont go, go alone. YOu cant change him but you can get some reinforcement so that you dont have to be a victim to his emotional blackmail. YOUR RELATIONSHIP with him should be more important than his relationship with ANY woman (well maybe not his mother).
GOOD LUCK and Hang in there

Answer 3

Write him a letter, telling him how you feel. Tell him you may have over-reacted to the x-wife issue (even though you didn't), and that you are sorry (even if your not - they like to think they are right remember!) Tell him that you love him and miss his touch and his company, and that you feel unwanted and scared. Maybe something else is bothering him - ask him! Tell him you are confused and don't understand what went wrong, but that you want things back to normal again, as you miss him. He probably won't listen to you if you try talking to him, and tempers tend to flare from both sides anyhow, so a letter is the safest bet. I have a terrible temper, and have learnt that the letter approach works better for both of us. Good luck hon. This really is a s hitty time to feel like this!

Answer 4

I think he's obviously upset about something, but men don't like to have their issues hounded out of them. They like to mull over things on their own, and then either get over it or talk about it when and if they're ready.

I would assume, based on your description of his behavior, that he *is* upset with you on some level, but bugging him about it isn't going to make it any better.

I think letters are an underutilized form of communication. Keep it short and sweet--no more than a page. Be sweet. Tell him that you feel sure something is wrong, either between you or within him. Tell him that you understand if he's angry or upset about something, but that it's really, really painful for him to shut you out. Let him know that you are willing to listen to what ever he has to say if he wants to talk, but that you are willing to respect his desire to keep his own counsel, at least for a while, as long as sometime soon the two of you can be friends again. Let him know that if you still feel like you're getting frozen out in a week or so, you're really gonna need to talk to him, because your love is too important to let things fester under the surface of your relationship.

Just a suggestion.

Answer 5

I don't know why the ex called.. but if it's out of the blue and simply to talk then that sends up a red flag. I wouldn't put up with the "no talking" thing. You are obviously insecure in that relationship and what happened and he should understand your feelings. Make him talk aobut it or go to a counselor.

Answer 6

It sounds like something is going on with him and the ex. Maybe he thinking about life before you and with her and is missing some of it.
You need to nip this in the bud right away.
Tell him you would like to see a marriage counselor before this relationship ends up in divorce, tell him you love him and want this to work.
If he agrees then he is equally trying to save the marriage, if not then you need to confront him on his feelings about his marriage to you and his feelings toward his ex.
it definitely sounds like there are still feelings there between him and the ex.
Sorry.

Answer 7

Sounds as if he might be still in love with ex.The way he has spoken to you doesnt sound to encouraging in your marriage. When he said he went to bed at 9 "before we got married". you have a right to feel like you do. If he keeps this up corner him and ask are you having feeelings for his ex. Get some sort of counseling.And as i see it ..it wont be long before you become an ex also. Good luck.

Answer 8

This Christmas...you mean yesterday? OH MY! For one day he has not talked to you. Honey, how old are you? He'll get over it and if he doesn't, well then you need to get some advice from a professional on how to handle this. I don't
know what you said to him or how you said it but obviously he took it hard and is angry (either with you, his ex or himself). Give him a few days to cool off. Hope he comes to his senses soon.

Answer 9

Well, this is a really tough one, especially since we dont know the full details, but what i would do is try talking to him, and explaining to him how you felt, and your intentions, if he ignores you, i would write him a letter, and place it in his briefcase, by his bed, etc. explaining to him all your feelings, some people find it easier to write their feelings than to say them. If you never get the chance to communicate with him in anyway you could end up regretting it inthe end. communication is ket in a stable marriage.. good luck

Answer 10

Pay attention to the RED flags waving right under your nose. I would tell him to "stop a-poutin" or you'll send him "a-packin" right back to the ex's doorstep....where he can go peacefully to sleep at 9:00 PM standard ex wife time. It sounds a lot like he's missing his "old life"........and "old wife"......