Okay...responses are very broad...so let me add more of the situation. She doesn't want to leave him because she's scared of three things. 1) he's the type to use the "kill myself or else". We think, but if not then he will be the one who shows up at her home, her work, and then on to my work. We work together, not same departments, but same employer. 2) How does she explain to her family how a friend of hers and her husbands is her new love? She's scared they may disown her as they are an overly-strict church family. I don't wann give an ultimatum becuase I know how a divorce works...but I also want to be a tad bit selfish..How do I bring it up about taking the next step in getting the ball rolling from her end without the ultimatum fell??
2006-12-26 18:32:41 · 16 answers · asked by in love, but need help 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Shame on you. These things don't just happen in an instant...they're allowed to develop. And shame on all these people who are like, okay whatever makes you both happy. Why is everyone so morally bankrupt that nobody respects marriage vows anymore? SHE made the vow. It wasn't supposed to be just until someone new came around, was it? What makes you think it will last longer with you?
2006-12-26 18:35:45 · answer #1 · answered by DivaDynamite 3 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Certainly people make mistakes in whom they choose to marry. However, having said that, it's a bigger mistake to enter into a relationship with a person before they've made their decision to leave. I'm not judging you... I've made mistakes myself.
My suggestion is this: (and I've been on both sides at one or another point in my life)... Walk away from the situation. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done but the right thing. It will give her time to reevaluate what she is doing to both you and him. It will also give her time to do some hard thinking about who and what she wants in life.
If you are afraid of losing her by doing this then you can't be too confident in the outcome. If you DO loose her by doing this then you are better in knowing it now.
Do the right thing and get out now.
2006-12-27 02:48:52 · answer #2 · answered by mosaic 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
The only way is for her to decide what she wants more, you or him. It's not fair to you to be put in this situation. She needs to decide one way or the other. She has to be a big girl and tell her family the way it is and it's her life to live. Sometimes an ultimatum is the only way to go if you want a life with her. As long as she is married to him you should leave her alone and let her make the decision as who she wants to be with. As for the "Kill myself or else" my daughter's ex used that line on her for a while until she called his bluff. It's a scare tactic.
2006-12-27 02:40:28 · answer #3 · answered by anita s 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have read both your questions and I noticed that all these things she is telling you are petty excuses. If she REALLY wants out of her marriage, you would already have been together.
She doesnt have to explain herself to anyone. Its normal for her to be scared and all but to me it sounds like her marriage is not over no matter how he treats her or however her marriage is. If she really wanted to end it, it would have ended before you came along.
Maybe you should re assess the situation and start the ball rolling by asking her if she really intends to be with you or is she hoping you will get sick of waiting and move on?
2006-12-27 02:42:31 · answer #4 · answered by chiara 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well youre in a big pickle. First mistake you made was getting involved with a co-worker, even if they are different departments. Sounds like she has all the drama and people she wants to protect or afraid of what they will do to her when they find out. Maybe you need to sit back and ponder if this drama is what you want in your life. She has alot to deal with so she's gonna need alot of time to decide whats right for HER.
2006-12-27 02:37:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I say not only should you leave her, you should look for a new job too!
If she leaves him then great (I guess) but if she doesnt then at least you dont have to see her face every day and watch her as she finds a new sucker to spice up her relationship! I cheated on my husband once and told my new 'love' the same lies this chick told you. I was not ready to make a decision (great sex over history) in the end. I chose the history. I bet she will too! If you change jobs at least you dont have to see her daily
RUN
2006-12-27 03:23:14 · answer #6 · answered by lisa s 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I want to be kind and help you, but I'm going to be very honest. Please don't be offended, just understand that I want the best for both of you.
Don't break up a family. If she chooses to leave her husband, that's up to her. I think your question said it all... I think you're being selfish. If you truly care about her you'll want her family to have the happiest life possible. Look elsewhere for love (that is; look to an available woman.)
2006-12-27 02:39:48 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Back off! You do not need to be involved with a married woman. Think of how you will feel if things turn violent and someone is hurt. She needs to make her own decisions without "using" you as a springboard to leave her marriage.
2006-12-27 02:45:57 · answer #8 · answered by jom 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I personally think you're wasting your time. What you are failing to see here is the fact that it's still ultimately up to her to decide what she's going to do with her marriage. It is not up to you to decide for her, nor should you be assisting her in leaving him. You should not have been in this situation in the first place but if you want to waste any more of your time with this, then you will just have to wait until she makes up her mind.
2006-12-27 02:45:12 · answer #9 · answered by jdhs 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Been there, done that. Get the hell out of the situation. You are not helping. She is just a drama queen and you will live to regret getting into her web.
2006-12-27 02:37:16 · answer #10 · answered by PartyTime 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋