since knowing my ex partner for over two years, he stays out weeks on end leaving myself and our children, I am always oppted to take him back, he says he cares about our children but i am inclined to stop contact when he gets his unit in three weeks since we have just mutually have ended things. what advice do you have about visitation for the children and him?, As he has rights but im afraid he will be a no-show and I don't want that upsetting our children.
2006-12-26 18:28:25 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
be open honest and frank about visitation... it is true that not every live away parent can confrom to neat little visitation habits... dont let that stop you from just letting your kids have a great realtionship with their dad...
over time as the children grow they will come to understand that his visiting and contact with them is not a measuare of how he really feels.... of course there can be some times of heartache for them but that is a part of growing up with seperated parents and you cant wrap them in cotton wool and protect them from every hurt or probably hurt in the world....
they will deal with what happens simply because they need to for their own ssakes..
DADS are VERY IMPORTANT to kids.... more important than I can explain... but he is absolutely essential to your kids..
Just take the tact that he will show when he shows... dont say your father is supposed t be here and he isnt... see he doesnt really care... dont involve the kids in that side of things at all... just ask that if he is visiting on a non-visit arranged day can he give you a quick call to amke sure the kids will be ready for him to collect and you can let them know...
when he arrives say simply "Wow look dad is here... Who is ready?" and encourage them to have a great timewith dad...
If you try to force him into a neat little box and he cant for whatever reason fit into that box then your kids miss out.... dont stress and dont interfere or influence the kids about how to feel about dad...
I know that isnt easy but it is best for the kids..
If he does ring and you do have genuine plans for the children that day.... say you are planning on taking them to the cinema you can either simply say we are on our way out to the cinema can you come later... we will be home.....(whatever time) or alternatively you can say... "Well I was about to take them to the cinema would you like to take them? They were really looking forward to >>>>>>>>(whatever movie it is)<<<<<<<
Tell him what time he needs to arrive at t get to the cinema on time and that if he doesnt show that is okay you will take them anyway...
You see if you just go with the flow and be flexible you, he and the children will be ahppier....
trust me as the kids grow you will learn to enjoy the odd time out you get when comes to collect them... even when it happens out of the blue...
2006-12-26 18:42:12 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well I am not sure what to tell you. I do know that growing up after a divorce. My dad was the biggest jerk ever. He made dozens of empty promises to me and my brother. Always claiming he would show up. Most of the time he never did. If he is paying child support then he does have rights. Theres no easy way to get around a dad, who never really wanted to be a dad. I hate to say that but I know how it feels. In time your kids will come to see what kind of man their dad is. I did, but I have also made a mends with my dad. I just hope that your kids come out o.k. ...I was messed up as a kid by all this...If your kids have anger issues. Take them to therapy, or somewhere they have a healthy outlet. Good luck, I wish you the best.
2006-12-27 03:49:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, you picked a real winner to make children with. If he really cared, he'd be there raising them. Your children are going to be hurt and upset no matter what you do, because Daddy isn't there for them at home. Try to encourage the relationship between him and the kids, and if he flakes out, make sure the kids understand that THEY are not the problem, that Daddy is the problem, and that you made a mistake when you picked him.
2006-12-27 02:35:31 · answer #3 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is upsetting the children I would look into getting full custody of the children with no vistation rights given to the father. If he is a no-show a lot than the children will be much happier without him.
2006-12-27 02:34:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have a legal parenting plan and he does not show up when he is supposed to....(each state is different) but usually after the 3rd offence you can go back to court and go for no parenting plan for him. He cannot be a yo-yo and be in the kids's lives whenever it is convenient to him. Not fair to them.
2006-12-27 02:32:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allow the visitation and if he upsets the children then that's part of life.
They need to know what their dad is really like.
(Sounds like a f...wit to me)
2006-12-27 02:31:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋