Just found out my husband had an affair with one of my close friends. What now?

Question

We've been together for 10yrs, together 4 in a half. Do I leave him for good or try and work it out?
it was mainly an emotional affair, but they did kiss.
We have two children together and I'm trying to figure out what's best for them.

Answer 1

Ask the question do you love him??? Then the two of you need to sit down and talk about what both you need from this marriage and how is going to work. Also remember it's not about the two of you it's the kids and there relationship with the two of you. I hope the two of you can work it out. Yes some will say get out and some will stay. Look deep within

No one said that marriage life was a bed of rose

Answer 2

Oooh, "the KISS"....well, I would say that the trust issues begin from there on out, and I think what you feel in your heart, for what's best for the kids, lie in your hands, because this guy obviously has lost interest in 'your' relationship with him.
Forget what he says, because commiting adultery is a no-no in any relationship, and once that's done, who knows how long it will be before he does it again, but the next time, it being 'sexual'??
Don't go there, girlfriend...either decide whether or not to leave him, or seek some professional advice, from a marriage counsellor or a therapist for you, should you decide to stay with him! He's no good if he messes around, emotional affair or not. He's not thinking of you OR the kids, if he goes behind your back and commits that kind of crime of passion!!
There's no excuse. Any man who does these things deserves a good kick in the groin and be told that what he did was not acceptable, or is it tolerated!!
He has KIDS, for Pete's sake! He's not worth the fight!! Have it out with your so-called 'friend' and give her a good smack in the chops, too!! She deserves a good ************!! That's NOT a friend, let me tell you.....

Yeah, I got issues around those kinds of things because that sort of thing is not tolerated in any relationship. I don't think staying in a relationship like that will work.
What's best for the kids is that they be in a 'stable' environment. What's this guy teaching his kids when he flounders around with some other woman, his wife's 'close friend' to boot???
You lead by example. By taking matters into your own hands, and showing the kids that this kind of thing isn't tolerated, you leave the guy and give him some kind of visitation, sometimes, and leave it at that. By allowing this man to stay with you, it's like telling the kids "oh, it's okay that your daddy kissed one of my good friends!"....OOohh no siree, Bob! You need to stand your ground and let this guy have it! Right between the eyes! Then beat the tar outta the so-called friend - call it even, and walk away, girl!

Good luck!

Answer 3

I suggest that you investigate further whether he is having an affair now or not. Because a guy who didn't respect another man's marriage in the past probably won't have much respect for his own marriage either. You can't do much about the past. But his past behavior says something about his character. And you need to make sure that he isn't doing something wrong with you now.

Answer 4

YOU have to decide if this is something you can forgive him over and then YOU TWO need to sit down and discuss why it happened to begin with and decide if your marriage is important enough to the both of you to try to salvage.

Staying together for the kids is never an answer to anything. In the long run it makes for a very dysfunctional environment to try to raise them in.

Answer 5

Do you even really have to ask this question? You have been betrayed by 2 people who were supposedly close to you. For the sake of your own sanity learn to forgive them for the affair, but that doesn't mean you forget it and put them in a position to hurt you again. You owe it to your children to have an amicable relationship to their father. You deserve nothing less than a faithful husband (and friends). Forgive them and learn to get along for the sake of the children, but do not stay married to him.

Answer 6

It would be easier in the long run to rehabilitate the old husband than to get a new one and have to train him.
If your husband can promise not to even see the other woman again you have a chance. If he isn't willing the you need to do a Lorraina Bobbit on him. Cut him off.

Answer 7

i would divorce him. if you take him back its liek saying "i fogive you, you may now prceed to more advanced sexual activities"


that was pretty messed up of him....the kids will be fine. my parents went through a horrible divorce when i was 4 years old. just switch off with the kids. dont fight over child supoprt nor the kids.

my dad had an affair so my mom divorced him. i seem to have a hard time trusting people. it takes me a long time to trust anyone..

dont stay just for the kids. they will be fine!

Answer 8

Even if they didn't have sex, he probably told her how much he wanted to. Does this hurt any less?
Will you ever be able to trust him again?
Does he still think about her?
Do you mind that he was confiding in another woman?
Ten years and two kids, get some counseling. If you decide to end it, it was he who threw the relationship away, not you.

Answer 9

Why this friend got so close to your husband???
If she is a true friend, she would 't allow him to be so emotional to the degree of having a KISS??? with her.
Tell him that you know and make it clear for that "FRIEND"
not to be a reason for destroying your good life and separating the kids from their parents.

Answer 10

I would try and see if you both can work through this, but if it creates way to much tension and things escalate to a worse situation than I would seriously start thinking of the other options.