I have a friend who is in a very unhappy marriage- but she insists on staying married for the sake of her 2 children. Is that a good idea? It seems the kids will be given the message marriages are supposed to be unhappy...
2006-12-26 17:41:43 · 23 answers · asked by OctopusGuy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No its not ok! They are better off in two healthy households than one unhappy one. I know way too many people that do the same thing your friend it doing......its a never ending cycle...
2006-12-26 17:52:50 · answer #1 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, I was going to say "disagree" but based upon your circumstances listed above, I say work on the marriage and try to make it work first, THEN spearate if it's not working out. I firmly believe that one should NEVER stay married just for the kids. My mother stayed with my father until my brother and I were 12 and 13, just because she didn't want to break up the family. Honestly, I would have been much more happy had she just left when she wanted to originally, when we were young children. A happy parent who is single is better than a miserable, married parent. That being said, your situation just sounds like a couple who has fallen into a rut; something that is easily fixable I think. If you are part of the marriage, I urge you to put some more effort in. A really good plan is as follows -- I've read this in a few relationship books and it works really, really well: Start paying attention to your husband, positively. When he comes home from work (or you get home) go to him immediately and give him a hug and a kiss. Offer him a drink, and ask how his day was. Get started on dinner. Treat him like a king -- if he's watching TV, go sit with him and reach for his hand, or lean on him. Cuddle with him. If he says he wants time alone give him some space but after awhile go see him again and try to be affectionate. Tell him you love him frequently, and be as affectionate as possible. I understand this may be hard if you do not feel loving feelings towards him, but you have to try -- try to get that love back. Keep this up for TWO WEEKS, even if he is not responding to your advances at all. Trust me, eventually he will come around. (Sorry to imply you're the woman; if you're the man do the same.) In order to fix a hurting marriage, one person needs to start the healing process -- let that person be you. YOU start being affectionate and loving to your spouse and see where it takes you. Guarantee it won't be long before they respond. If all else fails and the love won't return, then sure get a divorce. Don't stay married just for the kids. Good luck.
2016-05-23 09:50:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IMO it depends on if the marriage is abusive/unfriendly. If unhappy is simply living as "roommates" without sex/love involved, but in front of the children the parents maintain a sense of responsibility it might be okay. However, it is really an individualized decision, sometimes it is better to get a divorce for the sake of the children than to stay together for the sake of the children. Either way the children seem to be caught in the crossfire and become victims and will need the love and support of both parents.
2006-12-26 17:46:05 · answer #3 · answered by NautyRN 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have never seen this work. I've seen a lot of people try it, though. Generally by the time this question actually comes up, at least one partner has decided he/she is done, so the idea of "working through it" is just not reasonable. You can't "work through it" if only one person is working. If both folks are truly committed to staying together, they can probably save it--but if this is a situation where she is unhappy, and he thinks things are fab, he may not even want to go to counseling and their chances are not good.
That said, I think you can prolong living together if you have mutual respect, but mostly it seems to be just dragging things out. A "healthy" divorce where both parents behave like adults (rare, but possible) and act in the best interest of the children can sometimes be the best option for a bad situation.
2006-12-26 18:09:24 · answer #4 · answered by indeterminate vegetable 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What the children need is to be in see a healthy, loving relationship between man and wife.
You don't want the children to grow up thinking that people have to stay unhappy in a marriage if there are children involved.
They need to know that their parents can be happy with or without each other.
2006-12-26 19:58:37 · answer #5 · answered by LC 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Never!!! I think she is just afraid to leave him and she is using the kids as an excuse and no one should live unhappy because of fear. Let her know that her kids are also suffering because they see their parents unhappy and that if she stays she is only prolonging the sadness for everyone, in 5 years she will be in the same situation with the same feelings just a lot of wasted time and energy. Unless she still loves the guy and if so then she needs to seek professional help and do whatever it takes to make it work for them not the kids.
2006-12-26 18:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by PTX54 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try to work things out for the sake of the children. Children don't like to see family separating, or arguing. That disturbs them. It puts an image in their head to not to trust and insecurity. Make the children feel safe and work together again as a unit of one. Try to put all problems and differences aside. Look at things on a positive note. There is a mother and a father that had given birth to two children from God's will! Work together to make this bond between God, mom, dad, and the children be stronger than ever before. Now is the time that the children need mom and dad to comfort them.
2006-12-26 18:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by George 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO l don't believe they should. I honestly feel that children are better off with one happy parent rather that two unhappy ones. Children need security and love and l think if two parents are unhappy and arguing around them all the time it would make the children very insecure and also definately sends them the wrong messages about how marriages should be.
2006-12-26 17:51:50 · answer #8 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it truely is that unhappy than I would try some marriage counseling if that does not work and help you straighten things out in your marriage than I would advise against staying in an unhappy marriage just for the kids. Yes they would like to see their parents stay together, but it is a lot harder on children if their is always tension within the home.
2006-12-26 17:44:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion, the couple should sit once a day, a talk to eachother about what is making them unhappy. If they love eachother and are willing to make it work, they can. Anything can be fixed in a marriage if the couple has the slightest bit of love for eachother. They should do their best and do everything possible to try to fix it before deciding to divorce. I agree that it would show the kids a wrong message about marriage, but if they see their parents divorce, it will make it worse for them than it will ever be. And if they witness their parents trying to make the marriage better before a divorce is decided, they will know that their parents at least cared to try. And in the end it would make it a little easier for the kids.
2006-12-26 17:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is better for the kids to be FROM a broken home, than to LIVE in one!!
I stayed for the kids. I was determined to wait until they graduated high school. But I didn't make it. The stress and the x caused so many problems for the two youngest kids that were still at home. I mean HUGE problems. NO WAY should anyone stay for the kids unless their husband is a saint and is wonderful to be around.
Also I have found out that in some cases it is harder for older kids than younger ones in a divorce.
2006-12-26 17:46:52 · answer #11 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋